Grieving while dating

[Anonymous]

I probably know the answer to this but seeing what advice is out there.

I've been single for a while (6 months after an intense but brief relationship) and I went on a girls trip with some friends. One of those friends died shortly yet the trip. I felt recharged, positive & ready to date until her death. Now I struggle to make small talk. I also struggle the idea that life is so very short. I'm tired of wasting time with me that play games and don't really treat me well. Can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

Life is short, but not so short that you can't give yourself a couple months off from dating if you need the time. Give yourself time to mourn your friend, OP. A lot of folks hibernate a little in winter anyway. Maybe you'll feel recharged again when spring comes along?

I'm sorry about your friend. I've lost a few and it's so tough.

[Anonymous]

What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

She was one of my single girlfriends that has seen me through all the terrible men in my life. While we were oceans apart and couldn't see each other often I find myself contemplating how much energy I wasted on some of these men who were half the person she was. I'm single and the intent of the trip was to lift my spirits and jump back in the dating pool. All of it is swirling in my head. I'm having nightmares about her, my ex, etc. none of it is connected but it is all piling up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

She was one of my single girlfriends that has seen me through all the terrible men in my life. While we were oceans apart and couldn't see each other often I find myself contemplating how much energy I wasted on some of these men who were half the person she was. I'm single and the intent of the trip was to lift my spirits and jump back in the dating pool. All of it is swirling in my head. I'm having nightmares about her, my ex, etc. none of it is connected but it is all piling up.

You need help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

She was one of my single girlfriends that has seen me through all the terrible men in my life. While we were oceans apart and couldn't see each other often I find myself contemplating how much energy I wasted on some of these men who were half the person she was. I'm single and the intent of the trip was to lift my spirits and jump back in the dating pool. All of it is swirling in my head. I'm having nightmares about her, my ex, etc. none of it is connected but it is all piling up.

You need help

Not helpful

[Anonymous]

How did she die?

It's normal that you are re-evaluating things.

[Anonymous]

I do agree with the person who suggested getting help.

Life is not short for everyone. Death is a part of the life cycle.

While you're getting help to process the dead friend, also get help with why you kept dating terrible men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

She was one of my single girlfriends that has seen me through all the terrible men in my life. While we were oceans apart and couldn't see each other often I find myself contemplating how much energy I wasted on some of these men who were half the person she was. I'm single and the intent of the trip was to lift my spirits and jump back in the dating pool. All of it is swirling in my head. I'm having nightmares about her, my ex, etc. none of it is connected but it is all piling up.

You need help

Not helpful

Actually, it is. You seem to be very extreme with your reaction which is fine but i think you need professional help.

[Anonymous]

My advice to put dating on hold and seek out some therapy.
Therapy can help you with grieving your friend, as well as get to the root of why your having trouble finding quality men.
In my opinion dating while actively grieving is not a good idea to many emotions at play and you are not in the best position to make solid possibly long term decisions.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like maybe your friend died unexpectedly, and the emotions from processing that are getting pulled into all the other areas of your life.

Agree with the idea to find help, probably a grief counselor. Just let yourself be with your grief for a bit.

And I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly does your friends death have to do with dating men?

+1

[Anonymous]

If marriage and kids are a priority for you, keep dating, stay positive, the right man is out there for you.

[Anonymous]

Death of a friend, a close friend, is like a death in the family and can take a long time to get over- if ever, really. In my case a friend died unexpectedly 18 months ago and I can still cry. I don't know when I feel non-rocky when thinking about her.

[Anonymous]

Take time off from dating! No reason to go out and meet people when your heart is hurting so badly.