Multiple miscarriages leading to work absences

[Anonymous]

I had two miscarriages last year (and another in 2011) and again am pregnant but bleeding. The doctors say it's a waiting game now, to see what will happen. Two of my miscarriages took weeks to finalize, with a few days here and there of non- bleeding. My question is, what to tell the office/ boss? I can't just take sick leave for potentially weeks, while I sit around seeing if I'll miscarry. But I'd rather not tell my boss (who is new to me) the truth right now, that I'm 7 weeks pregnant but could likely miscarry at any time, given my past, I just don't know when. But what would be another excuse, especially if I go to work for a few days, then abruptly have to leave work one day because it's finally happening? And then I'm out for several days again? I'd rather not have to tell my boss the truth because try as he might, I don't think he would really understand, nor can he be discreet. Plus, if this is all over with in a couple weeks, I'd rather he's none the wiser, and my medical issues are left private. Has this happened to anyone else? Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Speaking from experience, lie and say you have the flu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two miscarriages last year (and another in 2011) and again am pregnant but bleeding. The doctors say it's a waiting game now, to see what will happen. Two of my miscarriages took weeks to finalize, with a few days here and there of non- bleeding. My question is, what to tell the office/ boss? I can't just take sick leave for potentially weeks, while I sit around seeing if I'll miscarry. But I'd rather not tell my boss (who is new to me) the truth right now, that I'm 7 weeks pregnant but could likely miscarry at any time, given my past, I just don't know when. But what would be another excuse, especially if I go to work for a few days, then abruptly have to leave work one day because it's finally happening? And then I'm out for several days again? I'd rather not have to tell my boss the truth because try as he might, I don't think he would really understand, nor can he be discreet. Plus, if this is all over with in a couple weeks, I'd rather he's none the wiser, and my medical issues are left private. Has this happened to anyone else? Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

I have been in exactly this situation (4 mc). Go back to work; you'll be distracted, but try your best. Trust me, sitting at home waiting to miscarry sucks. Bring heavy duty pads. If/when you start bleeding more heavily, you don't have to rush to your doctor, because there is nothing your doctor can do. If you're in too much pain to stay at work, say you're not feeling well and go home. It happens. You could have diahrrea for all your coworkers know, it's nobody's business. Take the next day off with sick leave. Cry and eat ice cream. Go back to work and the whole thing begins again.

At least that's how I handled it.

Best of luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I also worked during my miscarriage. Really gave me some perspective on how you never know what someone at the office is going through. I'm sorry OP. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I did five weeks of pregnant but bleeding at work without telling anyone - I couldn't bear the thought of sitting at home, and work kept my mind off of it somewhat. I can't say I was my best self during the ordeal, but I wouldn't have been any better at home. I never told my boss, and bleeding has resolved for the time being (still wait and see, too, which is terrible).

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP.

But wondering why you need to take time off to wait and see? I've had 3 miscarriages and just wore pads and serious period underwear for the weeks leading up to the bleeding, just in case. I only ever needed to take 1 day off for any of my losses. Yours might be harder, but I don't understand the weeks off thing.

[Anonymous]

I had 11 miscarriages and worked through 9 of them. Depends got me through the natural ones. When I needed a DNC I would schedule them on 3pm Friday. I was always fine (physically) by Monday for work.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different though. My last miscarriage I bled so heavily I was bleeding through my pads and it was just really uncomfortable being at work. Couldn't really focus when I was either in the bathroom or worried about stains on my backside.

[Anonymous]

I'm not responding to your point, OP, but just want to ask if you've ever been tested for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Many ob/gyns don't test for this and it's a simple blood test, and a simple fix if you have it. I know, I had it, but after my first m/c my doctor tested me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is different though. My last miscarriage I bled so heavily I was bleeding through my pads and it was just really uncomfortable being at work. Couldn't really focus when I was either in the bathroom or worried about stains on my backside.

PP here. I think a few days off for the active bleeding makes sense, just not the weeks of waiting beforehand. So sorry you had to go through this.

[Anonymous]

Lie, fake, do whatever you can, but don't leave the job!
I did that out of emotions 5 months ago and am still jobless!

[Anonymous]

I have worked through at least 4 of them. It sucked bc I was on the verge of tears and didn't get anything done but it prob was better than sitting in my house. It sucks so bad bc it's like getting into a horrible car wreck and knowing you have no choice but to keep trying and keep suffering through MC at work. Just stay the course, you'll get through it.

The only one that absolutely required me to miss work was a loss at 12 weeks. My water literally broke and there was no place that I could sit but in the bathtub. Brooke Shields describes it well in her book Down Came the Rain.

Be gentle to yourself...don't kick yourself for being off or slow going at work. Just showing up is enough. Sending you strength.

[Anonymous]

you are not alone. if you are looking for a local support group, many people here can offer helpful advice, having suffered too: http://www.misshare.org

[Anonymous]

Is it possible to ask your dr to do a sono to see if it's a m/c or just weird bleeding? I've had 6 m/cs, and 1 successful pregnancy, and what do you know, the one successful pregnancy bled the WORST at first. At the sono, the doc could tell that the hb was intact and it seemed to be a blood clot. If, unfortunately, the sono shows it's another m/c, you could ask for a D&C to test the fetal remains to see if the underlying problem is chromosomal. That might really help you plan your next steps. Also, then you would only take off one day for the D&C.

Alternatively, any chance you can work from home?

Good luck. I've been there and it's tough.

[Anonymous]

I was going to suggest the same thing: I am terribly sorry, OP, having had 2 m/cs. In both instances, I had a D and C, and it did help us to know what the chromosomal findings were: we subsequently met with a genetic counselor and there were no 'similar' causes, just bad luck. In other words, we had a level of relief in knowing that we could try again and that we were not looking at genetic factors that would cause another m/c. The doctor did the procedures on Thursdays and I was back at work on Monday. In both instances, I told people I had a minor but necessary outpatient procedure. My boss knew the real story and was wonderfully supportive.

FWIW, DC was conceived a year to the day after we conceived the first pregnancy that was an m/c. She's a glorious 9 year old now, and my memories of sobbing every night after work are very distant, although they are still, of course, very real, and that time of my life was incredibly dark.

Good luck to you