List of things to get before leaving for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Copies of tax records & W-2's
His paystubs
Account numbers of checking/savings/ 401k/ TSP/ credit cards /etc
Copies of bills to show monthly estimated expenses


I'm sure there are other things I shouldn't forget. Anyone care to chime in? Assuming I'm able to get things now before it gets ugly...

[Anonymous]

I should have said "Filing for divorce" then "leaving". Things to get squared away before filing for divorce...

[Anonymous]

There are a ton of divorce and pre-divorce checklists out on the internet...

http://www.nolotech.com/articles/pre-divorce_checklist.html

Pre-divorce Checklist

Have sensitive mail sent to your office, a friend's address, or get a mailbox at a local mail service center that gives you 24 hour access.

If you want computer files on a shared computer to be private, Google "private files on shared computer" and read some of the articles, or ask a teenager or a techie friend.

The Budget Worksheet is especially important as you need to know what you have been spending and estimate what it will cost each of you to live separately in the future.

If you will need more income after separation, think about ways you can earn it. Think about getting more education or training to prepare for a better job.

Read Funding the Separation and Parenting in the Early Stages.

Open a bank account in your own name and start building a nest egg to help you through the first few months.

Build your own separate credit. If you don't have credit cards in your own name, apply for one or more right now. To establish good credit, use your cards instead of cash for a small amount each month and be sure to always pay them by the due date.

While you have the chance, make photocopies of every family financial record you can find as you will need to know about all family assets and debts.


Retirement funds. If either of you has a retirement or pension fund that received contributions during your marriage, you should read two articles in the Reading Room: Retirement Fund Basics and Divorce and Retirement FAQs.

Social Security. Request a personal earnings and benefits statement (PEBES FORM SSA-7004) for yourself and one for your spouse from the Social Security Administration. One day you might collect on your spouse's record and after divorce that information will not be easily available.
If you have children, keep a log of time you spend with them and things you do for them and also track your spouse's child visits and chores. If your current parenting activity is on the low side, increase your contact and contributions. You may never need this information, but it might be useful if there's a disagreement over the parenting schedule.

VERY important! At some early point you must actually close all joint credit card accounts and other credit accounts that were in use during your marriage. It is not enough to simply have your name removed. Open new accounts and get new credit cards in your separate names. Give written notice to all creditors that either party might have dealt with during the marriage-tell them that you are separated and will no longer be responsible for your partner's debts. Important!

Unless you are planning a surprise attack, be sure to inform your spouse well in advance when you plan to close accounts or take other steps that could have an effect on his/her life, otherwise it will cause trouble, seem like an attack and create unnecessary upset.

Withdraw funds? If you are sure that your spouse is going to fight you over your share of family assets, consider withdrawing half of the money in joint accounts before you inform your spouse that you have done so. This will be correctly understood as a hostile act that will create upset and undermine trust, so only do it if you feel you have no better choice.

[Anonymous]

DC's birth certificate
Medical records for you and DC (eg vaccination records)
Health insurance cards and policy information
Passports
Checks and cards for joint checking and savings accounts
Your credit cards
DC's favorite toys and items
Contact info for relatives, friends and professional contacts
Update your contact info for credit card statements etc directly with the companies, or maybe with the post office
Safety deposit box items
Copies of life insurance policies
Copies of mortgage and property title
E-copy of your resume

[Anonymous]

Try to shove as much spare cash into either a 529 or a pre-paid tuition scheme as possible. He won't help out later on, so it might be the last shot.
Try to get him to have a vasectomy, so he can keep a focus on your kids.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Also, take your favorite pictures of DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to shove as much spare cash into either a 529 or a pre-paid tuition scheme as possible. He won't help out later on, so it might be the last shot.
Try to get him to have a vasectomy, so he can keep a focus on your kids.

I'm sorry.

Yes, and men should make sure to have their wive's tubes tied before divorcing so she can focus on his kids. That is silly.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but I think the push for a vasectomy is pure evil. A friend of mine did this before leaving her husband for another man and it still makes me sick every time I think about it. Said woman is now pregnant with her new husband. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to shove as much spare cash into either a 529 or a pre-paid tuition scheme as possible. He won't help out later on, so it might be the last shot.
Try to get him to have a vasectomy, so he can keep a focus on your kids.

I'm sorry.

Yes, and men should make sure to have their wive's tubes tied before divorcing so she can focus on his kids. That is silly.

Silly? I have heard women sitting in a park talking about this as a strategy. Some people really think this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to shove as much spare cash into either a 529 or a pre-paid tuition scheme as possible. He won't help out later on, so it might be the last shot.
Try to get him to have a vasectomy, so he can keep a focus on your kids.

I'm sorry.

Yes, and men should make sure to have their wive's tubes tied before divorcing so she can focus on his kids. That is silly.

Silly? I have heard women sitting in a park talking about this as a strategy. Some people really think this way.

But there are some jerks who look for pretty young second wives for a fresh start at 55 while their kids from wife #1 who have needs. I would never tie my tubes unless hubbie is willing to do the same. He also has to see our kids as his last.

[Anonymous]

Assume that anything you leave you will never see again. Given this, to add to the good advice that has already been posted:

Copy all of your digital pictures / videos
Any family heirloom items that have been given to your husband? A pair of cuff links that you would like back - take them now!

Any family heirlooms - get them out of the house. Furniture, jewlery, art. And don't forget about stuff in the attic that might have family holiday items.


Regarding computer files, I would do a back-up of the entire computer - just in case you forget a file (and you never know what you might find)

[Anonymous]

There are so many things to take.... Is it possible to change the locks and kick your husband out instead? Would he be able to get back in by calling the police?

[Anonymous]

OP, do not leave the house, and if you don't work, don't start.
BTW, my sis divorced her alcoholic 45 yr old husband, who promptly got a 25 year old woman pregnant. He died the next year, and 60% of the life insurance went to the 25 year old woman, and my sister's 3 kids got the remaining 40%. He was not married to the young woman, but she made an argument that her baby would cost more to raise than my sister's teenagers. I have never heard of such a thing, but try to get the life insurance squared away.

[Anonymous]

Is he going on a business trip anytime soon? You could hire a moving company to pack and move your stuff out while he is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to shove as much spare cash into either a 529 or a pre-paid tuition scheme as possible. He won't help out later on, so it might be the last shot.
Try to get him to have a vasectomy, so he can keep a focus on your kids.

I'm sorry.

Yes, and men should make sure to have their wive's tubes tied before divorcing so she can focus on his kids. That is silly.

Silly? I have heard women sitting in a park talking about this as a strategy. Some people really think this way.

I think it is brilliant! This has never crossed my mind, but i will file it away.