So a relative needs a kidney

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

I'm not even sure where to post this. My uncle needs a kidney. I have two. I'm not sure what to do. A while back I indicated that if he got to this point, I'd see if I was a match and donate. But that was before some fairly significant life changes.

I think I'm scared because I'm currently underinformed, it's just scary, and, well, I don't even know.

My mom, who passed away this fall, shouted "NO!" into my face when I mentioned that I'd be willing to donate to her brother. So there's that, too.

I'm open to your $.02. I just got the email and I'm barely processing this.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Do you have kids--and, particularly, are you a woman who has yet to have kids? That would give me pause.

Why did your mom yell "no" about giving your uncle a kidney? Is he old? Mean? Not going to get a kidney unless someone from the family gives him one because of something like alcoholism?

[Anonymous]

Would you be able to speak to a nephrologist without your uncle to ask all of your questions in a confidential way?

From what I know, donating a kidney is fairly common. Serious complications from the surgery are unusual. You can ask about the downtime involved and whether you can afford to take the time out.

In most cases, it adds many years to the recipient's life and adds to the person's quality of life (allows him to avoid dialysis).

In most cases, a single kidney is enough to keep a person healthy. However, if you did develop kidney disease, having a single kidney would put you at greater risk of more rapid worsening of disease. If you have any of the common causes of kidney disease (diabetes, high blood pressure, or any disease of the blood vessels like blockages in arteries), you probably are not the best candidate, and I'm not sure that you would be accepted as a donor.

[Anonymous]

Do you love your uncle? You can live just fine on one kidney, and if you ever have kidney trouble yourself, the donation puts you at the top of the list for a transplant.

If you have young children, there is a risk, of course, in the operation itself. But saving someone's life is worth the risk, I think. Especially if it were a person who was close to me.

Does he have the option to live for a while on dialysis, or has he gotten beyond that point?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for responding, guys.

I'm forty. I have one child. I am getting remarried this year. My uncle is a wonderful 64 year old man who I love. Mom shouted no because she was worried about ME.

We have a family history of diabetes (my uncle has it), and I also have a history on my dad's side.

My uncle is going for the final round of whatever to determine if he's approved for a transplant next month.

[Anonymous]

I'm also still reeling from my mom's death. I took care of her in home hospice.

[Anonymous]

How is your blood sugar? You should not donate if you are at risk for diabetes bc you will need both your kidneys.

He is 64, which would give me greater pause. If he was forty with young kids it might be a different story.

Does he take care of himself? Eat well? Is he thin? Does he avoid alcohol and sweets?

No way would I donate my kidney to a diabetic who had not done everything in his power to protect his own health.

[Anonymous]

Your excuse could be that you want to try for another child and with your family history of diabetes and likely high risk of troubled pregnancy you can't risk kidney donation.

[Anonymous]

10:23 here. Maintaining a transplanted kidney involves being diligent about taking anti-rejection medications. You should ask yourself whether your uncle would be likely to take medications as prescribed. If he is unlikely to care for the kidney, then you may consider the risk to yourself less worth it. Some people who receive kidney transplants have trouble paying for the medications and eventually lose the kidney. The medications can be very expensive. This would be a question for a kidney transplantation social worker. When I last researched the rules, kidney transplant recipients had Medicare coverage for anti-rejection medications for 3 years. After that, they needed to have some other means to pay for the medications (often this involved getting a job with insurance coverage).

[Anonymous]

He does take care of himself, but there's only so much you can do. He's been on dialysis for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Donating a kidney can have health insurance repercussions. It can make you uninsurable and/or make your insurance extremely expensive. Not sure if Obamacare addresses this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm also still reeling from my mom's death. I took care of her in home hospice.

You have been through so much. Bless you for being there for your mom, and congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

I would approach this very carefully. Of course you would love to help your uncle, but your health is important, too.

If diabetes runs in your family, I would look carefully at your diabetes risk, including if you have prediabetes. If you have a hemoglobin a1c greater than 5.7% or a fasting blood sugar >100, you have prediabetes. Most prediabetics will develop diabetes within 10 years without intervention. Ask for these tests and confirm the actual results yourself.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prediabetes/basics/tests-diagnosis/con-20024420

I am a physician and I have prediabetes. My primary care doctor doesn't seem to think prediabetes is important, but the research data clearly says that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:23 here. Maintaining a transplanted kidney involves being diligent about taking anti-rejection medications. You should ask yourself whether your uncle would be likely to take medications as prescribed. If he is unlikely to care for the kidney, then you may consider the risk to yourself less worth it. Some people who receive kidney transplants have trouble paying for the medications and eventually lose the kidney. The medications can be very expensive. This would be a question for a kidney transplantation social worker. When I last researched the rules, kidney transplant recipients had Medicare coverage for anti-rejection medications for 3 years. After that, they needed to have some other means to pay for the medications (often this involved getting a job with insurance coverage).

10:32 here. If he is 64, he will probably have Medicare after any transplant. I would still discuss the costs of anti-rejection medication coverage with a kidney transplant social worker.

[Anonymous]

my uncle got two kidney transplants at Hopkins. his brother, my dad and their mother all have or had kidney issues.
don't rule out that you may someday develop kidney issues yourself via genetics.
I would say you have to pass and cite medical issues yourself that take you off the donor list.

your mom would back you up so this is pretty easy.

[Anonymous]

You should decide what is best for you, given your risk of diabetes, etc. However, my Grandmother just died in her 90's, having donated a kidney to her teenaged daughter 50 years ago. It was one of the earliest kidney transplants in Virginia. She never had any health complications related to the kidney donation, or living with her one remaining kidney.