boss (maybe) having an affair with subordinate

[Anonymous]

This is a "what would you do?"

I'm in management at a company and there have been problems with the corporate culture for quite some time. I think it's fair to say that it is dysfunctional and somewhat toxic. It is clear that much of the problem centers around the "close" relationship between one of the executives (female) and our president (male) -- both are married. It has become clear that these two are having an affair. They were "caught" at a convention and now it is an uncomfortable, open secret and it is poisoning the culture.

Ok, here's my problem. This woman involved has systematically isolated or marginalized managers throughout the organization and has become almost the only person the president listens too. The managers and executives in the company are disgruntled yet afraid to challenge her (b/c of their knowledge of the affair and her sway over the president). She is quite spiteful, vindictive and territorial. In fact, one of our best managers just left because of her "tyrannical" ways. This is a common perception of this person and I'm worried we will lose other good people because no one can challenge her management because of this affair.

Normally, I would simply protect my territory. But, knowing this affair could be real makes me "pull my punches" with the president. I'm afraid of retaliation if I push back on her. This is the definition of hostile workplace -- because she receives favorable treatment (raises, perks, etc.) because of this relationship and other execs are afraid to speak up.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Leave. It's quid pro quo. Is this a public company or is their a board that the President reports to? If yes, you and your peers can band together and make a complaint, but know it will most likely backfire. You should leave.

[Anonymous]

You can't fix broken. It is what it is. It's good that you recognize the problem and its source, but that doesn't mean you have the power to change it. If enough people leave, maybe he'll wise up, but honestly, it's not likely.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, but you should leave. When this blows up (you know it will), it would be best not to be there any more.

[Anonymous]

You either take this on by going to the Board of Trustees and EEOC and fighting or you leave. It's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Don't take it on - you will be let go, re-orged, whatever out of your job. It's happened to DH twice and it's not pretty and we are still suffering from it. Years later and the same cast of characters are still in the same positions doing the same sh#t at the same 2 organizations.

[Anonymous]

Agree it makes a big difference if the company is publicly traded, or the president answers to a board. The person that left could probably do everyone a big favor by filing an EEOC complaint complaining of constructive discharge and gender discrimination due to the favoritism shown to the girlfriend. The investigation alone could shine a light on this that would put an end to it, if the president actually answers to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree it makes a big difference if the company is publicly traded, or the president answers to a board. The person that left could probably do everyone a big favor by filing an EEOC complaint complaining of constructive discharge and gender discrimination due to the favoritism shown to the girlfriend. The investigation alone could shine a light on this that would put an end to it, if the president actually answers to anyone.

Not publicly traded and, yes, if the person who left had filed a complaint the company would have to address this issue.

The problem I see is that there are so many people who are steamrolled by this "favored girlfriend." We have the added issue of this being a widely "known" situation. This impact the company culture in so many toxic ways. At what point do we need to raise this in a formal way? As so many have noted, individuals worry about retaliation for speaking up. I am worried that some of our top executives are aware of it and are doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

I worked in this exact scenario. Leave! My boss was married boss was obviously having an affair with the married president. She received favorable treatment and had huge sway in getting people fired that she should have no business of being involved in. She was also continually promoted depsite being severly underqualified. I have not worked for that company in years, she still does and it is all the same. She is more and more powerful because of her affair and the special treatment. HR knew of the relationship, speacial treatment and never handled it. I would find a way to leave because there is likely not a good outcome. You would be amazed at how getting out of that toxic environment can change you!

[Anonymous]

You can't change the toxic culture of those who look the other way or are afraid to speak up. Like the other PPs have said, it is time to find a new job.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the responses. It sounds like there is consensus: time to get out. I need to stay for a while longer (have been there just short of 1 year). But, maybe starting to look around (or strategize a move) might help me cope with the toxic atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Good luck in your job search, OP.

[Anonymous]

Disappointing that in this day and age, a boss and a female subordinate can have an affair and frighten other co-workers into silence. This woman is using her position as "girlfriend" to make other folk's lives quite miserable (some even leave). My own boss has admitted that he "won't go up against her" because of this relationship. That is a hostile work environment, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disappointing that in this day and age, a boss and a female subordinate can have an affair and frighten other co-workers into silence. This woman is using her position as "girlfriend" to make other folk's lives quite miserable (some even leave). My own boss has admitted that he "won't go up against her" because of this relationship. That is a hostile work environment, right?

Just want to add the point that the president of the company is equally using his position to get/keep his girlfriend. He is equally if not more culpable in this situation. How comfortable in normal circumstances would someone feel telling his/her boss that his girlfriend (much less that they are married to different people) is wrong about a decision? That's before you take into account the fact the girlfriend is trying to solidify her power base. So anyway it is pretty clear to me president isn't thinking with his head, atleast not the one on his shoulders and I wouldn't want to get caught in the crossfire. If he tries to fire/discipline the girlfriend she can probably sue and likely his marriage will implode, if he does nothing people will leave, likely not sue, and a chance his marriage can stay intact.

I would keep detailed notes/evidence , just in case someone comes after you before you can get another job. Maybe file a complaint after you leave just to have the paper trail/heads up should someone else that hasn't/can't get out needs the paper trail to help their case.

[Anonymous]

Find another job and then send both of their spouses and anonymous note