Help me with this -- is DC special needs or just unmotivated?

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 15 year old here and I need some perspective. DC has long had some mild difficulties learning and tests horribly, and in the past few years as the academic rigor increases she really struggles to maintain more than a c average. In general she works hard, does her assignments on time, and seems to have a grasp of what's going on in her classes when we talk about them. Her grades are all over the place, and it seems to me that she works hard but not always efficiently. She seems to have problems with organization, sustaining attention and gets overwhelmed easily. Sometimes she just seems uninvested in going that extra mile with school, but at this point I cannot tell is this is a by product of academic problems or the reason for the problems. She's generally a great kid, cooperative and certainly not unintelligent. She does strike me as a bit too passive rather than someone who takes initiative. At this point we're seeing this as affecting her identity and self-esteem. Is it time to have her tested?

[Anonymous]

How long has this been going on? You've never had her tested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long has this been going on? You've never had her tested?

OP. No, we've never had her tested. The problem wasn't that noticeable until a couple of years ago in middle school, and we were working with her and got her some extra tutoring help. In middle school her grades were uneven but she could maintain a 3.0 average. At this point she's barely maintaining a 2.2 average and is close to failing math. To be honest, no teachers have ever suggested that she be tested. It's our feeling that this is needed at this point to pinpoint the problem. DC reluctantly agrees, though at first she was pretty resistant to the idea.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my now-21 year old at that age. I'm fairly certain she has undiagnosed LDs. I'm even more certain that, had she had a diagnosis to fall back on, she would have used it as an excuse whenever possible.

She's worked hard and had to learn how to manage her workload. Middle school was the hardest time for her, high school somewhat better. She had quarters where she had a GPA in the low 2s, and one brilliant quarter with straight A's while taking honors and AP classes.

She's a senior in college with a 3.something GPA today, and says she's glad she never had a diagnosis, because she agrees that she would have used it as a reason for her troubles.

Her sister has some pretty severe LDs and couldn't survive without an IEP. I'm not advocating that we should ignore our children's needs. But I know that my younger dd had a couple special education teachers who caused more harm than they did good.

I'd hire a tutor/mentor instead of getting the school involved.

[Anonymous]

In the short term, there are tutors who can help her learn organizational and study skills. You might also find this book helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Made-Simple-Solutions-Stress-Free/dp/0971460981/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421029062&sr=1-1&keywords=ann+dolin

If math is a weak point then, consider a specific tutor for math.

If you want to get her tested, better now than later.

[Anonymous]

Gee, Ann Dolin- where would one go to find these tutors??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my now-21 year old at that age. I'm fairly certain she has undiagnosed LDs. I'm even more certain that, had she had a diagnosis to fall back on, she would have used it as an excuse whenever possible.

She's worked hard and had to learn how to manage her workload. Middle school was the hardest time for her, high school somewhat better. She had quarters where she had a GPA in the low 2s, and one brilliant quarter with straight A's while taking honors and AP classes.

She's a senior in college with a 3.something GPA today, and says she's glad she never had a diagnosis, because she agrees that she would have used it as a reason for her troubles.

Her sister has some pretty severe LDs and couldn't survive without an IEP. I'm not advocating that we should ignore our children's needs. But I know that my younger dd had a couple special education teachers who caused more harm than they did good.

I'd hire a tutor/mentor instead of getting the school involved.

What?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the replies and thoughts about this. I think this may be one of those situations where it's not so clear what will help. Tutoring and work on organization for sure, and we're already doing this. I would be interested in knowing more about how DD learns best, what her strengths and weaknesses are. Frankly, I'm not sure testing will reveal anything glaring, but it could help us and her understand what's going on with her. If we do the testing I think I'd wait and see if it makes any sense to seek accomodations. I certainly don't think we'd be looking for an IEP and we might not involve the school at all. With SATs/ACTs looming I think it could be useful to know if she'd qualify for extra time or other accomodations.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I have two older kids but I'm new at this process!

[Anonymous]

I'd have her tested ASAP so you can know if it is a learning disability or not. If it is an LD then she and you can learn how to manage it. And if she figures out how she learns and how to accommodate for her learning disabilities then she'll do much better than Ds and Cs.

[Anonymous]

I just discovered that I have an LD pretty severe actually. I have an auditory processing problem. At some point I learned to compensate for this by writing everything down all the time. I went to an ivy, a top 10 law school, and worked at a top law firm. I don't think getting tested would have helped me. It's possible that your child needs time to adjust to the greater demands of middle school. Maybe she needs an easier school try tutoring in 2 subjects at a time. She may need more personal attention. Ask her what would help. She might need a study buddy. Our babysitter was a fantastic studier and helped my middle school child make note cards etc. a Georgetown public health student. It really helped.

[Anonymous]

If you can, spend the $2K to $3K to have her tested, Stixrud Group, Kingsbury Center, etc. At 15, not a lot is going to change for High School, but she may get valuable insights that can help her as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would have her tested. You say these problems are causing her difficulty with identity and self-esteem, and those are not issues to take lightly.

[Anonymous]

OP this was exactly my daughter! Her dad and I argued a lot because I felt she was trying hard and he felt she was lazy. We had a full battery of tests run and she has inattentive adhd (diagnosed at 14). She went from C's, D's and E's to all A's and B's. We are medicating, we decided to try it and it literally turned her life around.

I totally disagree with the person who said not a lot will change, our results were immediate. Within 6 weeks we had found the right dosage with the right meds.

Yes, get your daughter tested. I thought it had tone learning issues because she was all over the place with grades but in fact that pointed to adhd. My daughter felt so badly about herself before because her friends were all doing well, it's made a world of difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the short term, there are tutors who can help her learn organizational and study skills. You might also find this book helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Made-Simple-Solutions-Stress-Free/dp/0971460981/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421029062&sr=1-1&keywords=ann+dolin

If math is a weak point then, consider a specific tutor for math.

If you want to get her tested, better now than later.

I'm not Ann Dolin but I was going to recommend this book, too. I've also found her monthly newsletter helpful and I've found her discussions at events like CHADD and Oakwood informative and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this was exactly my daughter! Her dad and I argued a lot because I felt she was trying hard and he felt she was lazy. We had a full battery of tests run and she has inattentive adhd (diagnosed at 14). She went from C's, D's and E's to all A's and B's. We are medicating, we decided to try it and it literally turned her life around.

I totally disagree with the person who said not a lot will change, our results were immediate. Within 6 weeks we had found the right dosage with the right meds.

Yes, get your daughter tested. I thought it had tone learning issues because she was all over the place with grades but in fact that pointed to adhd. My daughter felt so badly about herself before because her friends were all doing well, it's made a world of difference.

OP again. Thanks for this. I do wonder about ADHD. I think we're going to have her tested. It certainly can't make things worse and maybe it will help.