Ready to Wash Hands of DS
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Anonymous
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I'm a single mom dealing with a recent health scare (will find out results today).
DS is home for winter break, due to leave this weekend as 2nd semester classes begin Tues. however there's still an outstanding balance from 1st semester that must be cleared up 1st. One problem is that he did not complete the promissory note to have the loan funds disbursed. Then there's still a tiny remaining balance I planned to work to clear up today. DS goofed off a bit til yesterday then tried but could not figure out the promissory note. Ok, I'll help you when I get home from work. Then he couldn't find the laptop charger. So we'll go to the library and do it today, right? DS was too busy watching a show when I said let's go get this figured out (and I could do my part as well). Said he'd meet me there. Nope! We have to go together. The next thing I know I see him getting in his car. I call and tell him to return so we can go together. He left anyway! By the time I reached him via cell, he was at the library! (Remember he doesn't know what to do and needs my help.) I realize on it's face it's a small thing but I've had it with his lack of respect. I had the day planned so I could hopefully have his situation cleared before figuring out his plane ticket, going in for my results, etc. needless to say, the plane tix, books etc will come at a HUGE financial sacrifice-which I'm tired of doing for a know-nothing who wants to act like he knows all. I told him during break that if we can't figure out the financial thing his option is to find a job, work and transfer to an instate school for fall. To top it off, he was on academic probation 1st semester but swears he 'll do better after having the time to transition. I'm just so pissed at his lack of regard for me that I'm ready to wash my hands. I have my health to consider. I'm ready to take and return the car, say F it to trying to settle up his tuition matters ( with no $), and tell him to just go it alone since he thinks he knows it all and doesn't listen to me anyway. Yeah I needed to vent. And to have posters tell me I'm overreacting. |
Anonymous
| Your son is about 18, I guess? He sounds maddening in some ways but his behavior is pretty typical teenage behavior. Take some deep breaths. Go over the steps with him, and get them done. Promise yourselves a steak dinner or something, but just do it. |
Anonymous
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Op, I do think you're overreacting a bit but I understand. I have a son in college the same age and he can be aggravating like this. If I were dealing with anxiety about my health on top of being a single parent I might feel the same way you do.
My advice is to take a deep breath. It sounds like your son does need some consequences for his poor behavior. Just try to stay as calm as you can and not make this about everything that is wrong. IMO there's nothing wrong with telling him he can't have the car until he acts responsibly and gets his grades up. Treating you like a doormat is NOT okay either. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
| He doesn't want to go back. He is afraid to tell you. |
Anonymous
| OP, I hope your test results are good. Take care of yourself! |
Anonymous
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This is not "typical teenage behavior". He is an adult now and needs to act like one.
If he is too stupid or lazy to figure out the promissory note then he should not be going to college. It sounds like he is not a good fit for college at the moment. Have him get a job and see what real work is like. |
Anonymous
Or did worse than he is letting on and can't go back. OP it sounds like the school isn't a good fit if he's on probation. Do you really want to be making a financial sacrifice for that? I'd have him take some community college classes this semester and transfer in state for next year. |
Anonymous
Actually he wanted to go back early! He wouldn't be afraid to tell me that. He hated college at first but fell in love with it and cannot wait to return. This kid deserves the Dumbest Person in Life award for being such a dumb ass. I sacrificed all for him his entire life. For him to screw up something so important at the last minute is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| I think your mistake is in expecting someone to become an adult at midnight of 18th birthday. It's a gradual process. He may very well need some natural consequences regarding this, but please don't wash your hands of him. Good luck and I hope the best for your health scare. Does he know about it? Perhaps that is scary for him also. |
Anonymous
He can go back. He showed me the Bs he got in two classes but did not tell me about the probation. I intercepted the letter. I flubbed my 1st semester so I was willing to give him another chance. He said via text that he figured out the MPN. Great! Now if you hadn't left w/o me we could've had you sign off on something I need to fill out and fax and keep you abreast of what's going on with the balance. After hopefully getting that straight. He'll likely end up sitting out a semester b/c getting his 1st semester settled came down to TODAY. I'm ready to really wash my hands. Take the car and iPhone. ( why should I continue to pay for a pseudo adult know it all) Let him move in with his friends, get a job & get the hell on with his life. I have myself to worry about. I don't need his added stress. |
Anonymous
He can go back. He showed me the Bs he got in two classes but did not tell me about the probation. I intercepted the letter. I flubbed my 1st semester so I was willing to give him another chance. He said via text that he figured out the MPN. Great! Now if you hadn't left w/o me we could've had you sign off on something I need to fill out and fax and keep you abreast of what's going on with the balance. After hopefully getting that straight. He'll likely end up sitting out a semester b/c getting his 1st semester settled came down to TODAY. I'm ready to really wash my hands. Take the car and iPhone. ( why should I continue to pay for a pseudo adult know it all) Let him move in with his friends, get a job & get the hell on with his life. I have myself to worry about. I don't need his added stress. |
Anonymous
Agreed. But I wasn't expecting him to become an adult. I was expecting him to act as a respectful teen whose mother was going to do all she could to get things worked out for him before going in for my results this pm. |
Anonymous
Agreed. But I wasn't expecting him to become an adult. I was expecting him to act as a respectful teen whose mother was going to do all she could to get things worked out for him before going in for my results this pm. |
Anonymous
He's on probation for getting 2 Bs? Or is this an honors program? My DC has to maintain a 3.5+ to stay in the honors program, which takes some work. Can he just drop back to the regular college? You do sound a little over the top with your reactions. You need to be more clear about expectations and consequences. And confused what the point is of taking away the car if he's flying back to school anyway. Just sell the car if you are strapped for cash. He really shouldn't need it anyway. |
Anonymous
| I have no doubt that this is immensely frustrating, but it sounds like you also may be displacing some of your stress over your health issues onto your son. Understandable, but it can be easier to see the situation clearly if you're at least aware that you're doing it. |