How do I deal with lack of conversation?

[Anonymous]

My DH has never been conversational but trying to make conversation with him is like pulling teeth and always leaves me feeling disappointed. He can talk with other people though if it's superficial or work related. If I enjoy talking to any random male stranger or acquaintance, I feel guilty because it's more than I'm getting from DH, even if it's simple small talk with smiling and eye contact. I feel no closeness without conversation.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what to tell you since this isn't new behavior from him.

[Anonymous]

Is he emotionally unavailable?

[Anonymous]

Is he on the autism spectrum? No eye contact or smiling seems a bit odd for an adult especially if he was social enough to have a girlfriend and ultimately a wife.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my friend's husband. He hardly grumbles when people talk to him. I can't believe she's with him. She says he's really smart but had some difficulty in school. My guess it was social interaction. He also seems successful in his career. But otherwise he seems a dud. All of our mutual friends have remarked how he's essentially mute - although he must not be to her. Considering that she's smart social beautiful stylish and successful it seems a very odd match.

[Anonymous]

If you watch a movie together, hear a news story or read an article, can you guys strike up a conversation about that?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he's emotionally unavailable and even not talkative around his own family. We can strike up a short conversation about a tv show or other topic if he is interested in the topic. I've wondered if he has asperger's or something because he is very smart in ways, and successful in his career, and dumb in others. It just seems weird he can use social skills at work or with strangers but not in more intimate personal relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's emotionally unavailable and even not talkative around his own family. We can strike up a short conversation about a tv show or other topic if he is interested in the topic. I've wondered if he has asperger's or something because he is very smart in ways, and successful in his career, and dumb in others. It just seems weird he can use social skills at work or with strangers but not in more intimate personal relationships.

This will probably doom your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Dated a guy like that. His friends were his crutch. If it weren't for his friends we probably would not have dated very long.

[Anonymous]

I went through a period of not talking very much to my wife. I felt like every time she opened her mouth it was to talk about a chore that needed doing in a week or a month or whatever or else money that (in her mind) needed spent.

I had a choice between telling her I didn't agree the thing didn't need doing, the thing didn't need doing right now so why stress me out about it, we didn't have the money, or we didn't need to spend the money. Or I could just shut up until she talked about something that didn't stress me out.

[Anonymous]

So why did you get married OP? What was dating like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So why did you get married OP? What was dating like?

+1 Why did you choose him? What about him made you fall in love? My Dh is my best friend and we tell each other everything, I can't imagine not being able to have a conversation with him.

[Anonymous]

We shared similar backgrounds and values, he's smart, went to a good college, had a job and a house, we could do things for fun together. He used to smile, make eye contact, be happy to see me, and although he wasn't that verbal he at least seemed to be interested in what I had to say and at least made more of an effort back then. His relatives seemed nice enough and he seemed better than my other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We shared similar backgrounds and values, he's smart, went to a good college, had a job and a house, we could do things for fun together. He used to smile, make eye contact, be happy to see me, and although he wasn't that verbal he at least seemed to be interested in what I had to say and at least made more of an effort back then. His relatives seemed nice enough and he seemed better than my other options.

That sounds like you settled.

Has someone better come along since or are you just tired of his lack of interaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That sounds like you settled.

Has someone better come along since or are you just tired of his lack of interaction?

No one better has come along. Yes, it's just wearing on me.