How do I deal with lack of conversation?

[Anonymous]

This may sound like an excuse. However, I discovered that my DH didn't like to talk with me as much as he did others because he was genuinely afraid the talk and conversation would replace the sex and physical intimacy and passion. From his view, he could talk or have a conversation with just about anyone. He felt closest to me through our physical touching and intimacy. When we were out with friends he could barely keep from finding a reason to touch me, not in a sexual or groping way. Like if he saw I had a mosquito bite on my arm, he would touch my arm and express concern about it. It caused so much confusion for me. I learned that he never really had that type of physical intimacy or as much sex in his first marriage. He kept waiting to be friend zoned by me, even married.

[Anonymous]

My DH was not great at conversation when we met but he has improved drastically over the years. First, I let him know how important it is for me. Then I created opportunities to engage in conversation.

For example, I tried to make dinnertime more relaxed. We slowed things down, have a drink together (can be non alcoholic) before dinner. We added a pre-dinner course and chatted together before the main course. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Even something as simple as unshelled peanuts offers a few minutes to just be together and talk. Those 15 minutes a day really helped us to associate relaxation and conversation with each other. It's helped a lot.

We also got rid of the TV. We didn't have a TV for years so there was more opportunity to talk to each other for fun and entertainment. We now have a TV but it's not in the bedroom and neither of us watches it very much.

We try to do one big project together a year. Right now we're starting a small scholarship fund. It's nothing grand or anything but sharing a project really allows us to connect.