help me move on - he is just not into me and its really killing me
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
So I have been dating a guy for many months now. We met online and clicked right away. We are both in our 40s divorced and have kids. I really like him and want an exclusive relationship but he doesn't - he wants to date and not be in an exclusive relationship for a few more years until his daughter is out of high school (at least that is what he tells me). A month or so ago I told him that since we both wanted different things we needed to move on with our lives and I ended things between us. A few weeks later he got back in touch saying he missed me and wants to keep the relationship going (but still on his terms).
I caved in and slept with him and the thing is, I really like him. I thought maybe it was a sign that he may change his mind about me. His birthday was a few days ago and I texted him happy birthday but he never returned my text. I haven't heard from him in days. I sit by the phone waiting for a message from him. I know I am so pathetic. I know in my heart he is not into me and it really hurts. I have avoided texting him all day today but I really want to. Help me move on from someone who doesn't love me. I know I deserve better. |
Anonymous
|
Erase his # in your phone (yea you may memorize it...but get his name out of your phone)
Find something to do with your time instead of thinking about him. Start dating other people. If he does contact you, don't respond. Immediately delete. |
Anonymous
|
Delete his number and block incoming messages. Set up a filter on your email so anything he sends is deleted before you see it. Delete any old communications you have. You have to do it in one fell, fast swoop - pull of the bandaid and make it impossible to contact him again.
Keep yourself busy. Start a big project - repainting some cabinets or a bedroom, cleaning out your kitchen, going through your whole closet and organizing, scrubbing your house top to bottom. Go to a movie, where you can't be on your phone. Get a massage. Do your nails. Cook up some freezer meals. Busy busy busy busy. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't sound as if he's not into you, it sounds as if he's not into just you. Why not try it his way for a while? Go out with others and hook up with him when you feel so inclined? |
Anonymous
| The only think you can do is start dating other people. Get back the the online dating sites and start lining up dates! Good Luck. |
Anonymous
Op here. I have been trying his way since we met. We've been dating for awhile now and I've realized that I want an exclusive relationship - not something casual. This is playing with my mind too much. I want to be with someone who loves me. I keep hoping he will change his mind but it doesn't look like he will. |
Anonymous
Yes, I agree with this. |
Anonymous
| While you two were dating, was he dating other people? |
Anonymous
Yes, op, you are right. It is normal that you feel this way. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I would just explain to him that you can't sleep with men casually - it needs to be exclusive. Tell him he can give you a call if his feelings change and he is ready to stop playing the field. |
Anonymous
|
Set some goals for yourself--if you go all day without contacting him, you get to have a glass of wine or buy something on iTunes. If you go a week, you get a pedicure. Or even just make a chart and give yourself a star. Seriously.
Write this on a couple of sticky notes and post on your mirror and keep with you next to your phone: "I never want to be with someone who doesn't want me and all the amazing things I have to offer. I'm a great catch and will only settle for someone who can give me everything I deserve." And keep busy. You can do this. |
Anonymous
|
OP--there is only one person you can change:YOU. Repeat that a thousand times. There is nothing you can do to change him.
His loss. |
Anonymous
| Would you want your daughter dating this guy, on these terms? Being treated like this? |
Anonymous
|
OP step out of your shoes for a minute and think logically - why would you chase after someone that doesn't want you - mentally visualize Elmira from Tiny Toons chasing after all those poor animals that wanted nothing to do with her. You are deserving of someone that wants to get to you know and love you!
For reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxvzEfI0BFU |
Anonymous
Treated like what? He was open and honest with OP. So honesty is not a good thing these days 
|
Anonymous
|
Aw OP, most of us have been there, I feel for you. If you can't bring yourself to delete him completely at least change his name to something unappealing to remind you of the reality of your situation and snatch off the rose colored glasses.
Take what you know about human nature and apply it here- this situation is exactly as he wants it, he's not going to change so it's up to you. And since you can't make him change, you can only take care of yourself. He was probably with another woman on his birthday- you may not even be at the top of the totem pole! I don't say that to be mean, but to help you maybe get a little mad and not want him so badly. He's not treating you right. You need to distract yourself. You may really like him but there will be others, just like there were others before him. Best of luck OP! |