christmas party

[Anonymous]

DD is invited to a winter party by her friend. They are middle school.
I think the invitation is extended to 2 boys and 3 girls and and the host herself is a girl.
Parents of the girl who invited are going to stay home. invite mentioned something like "hangout and dance and games"
One girl already declined the invitation as she is not in town.

I am in a dilemma if I should send my DD or not.
If it was all girls party then I would not have any problems to send dd.
Am I thinking too much?
What is the general take on such situation. What would be the right thing to do?

Additional info: DD is a bit on shy side. has a few good friends.

[Anonymous]

Please land your helicopter immediately.

[Anonymous]

I would have no problem allowing that.

The parents will be home, and I'm in favor of my children having friends of both genders.

Nothing about what you mentioned would make me uncomfortable, unless there's some additional reason why you are hesitant to allow this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please land your helicopter immediately.

Am I being a helicopter mom?
Is that what your comment meant?
maybe so.
maybe I am over thinking this whole party thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please land your helicopter immediately.

Haaa thanks for the laugh!

[Anonymous]

HS and MS mom here. I would have no problem with this. I am not sure what is bothering you. Boys and girls can be friends and hang out without it being anything more. Don't you think that if your child had a crush on one of the other invitees that you would know by now?

[Anonymous]

How old? More inportantly is who else is at that time apart from the parents.

[Anonymous]

seems like a small party - 2 boys and 2 girls?

[Anonymous]

What part are you concerned about? The hanging out? Dancing? Games?
Is that code for alcohol drugs and sex these days ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please land your helicopter immediately.

Am I being a helicopter mom?
Is that what your comment meant?
maybe so.
maybe I am over thinking this whole party thing.

I'm the immediate PP, not the one you quoted, but honestly I do think you are way overthinking this.

Why are you considering not allowing your DD to attend? I honestly cannot think of anything about the posted scenario that would make me consider refusing my middle schooler permission to attend this party. Do you have reason to mistrust the parents who would be supervising? Is the location or guest list unsafe? Does this group of kids have a history of making bad decisions when they get together? Would your child have to miss a family event to attend this party? Those are the sorts of reasons I would consider refusing to let my child attend a party.

Just from what you've posted, it seems like this should be a no-brainer yes to me. A parent supervised get together at a friend's house, with just a small group of friends sounds like the kind of safe, unobjectionable activity I would want to encourage. In general, my opinion on the suitability of an activity for my kids is not dependent on the genders of the other invitees, unless the activity is intended as a date with a boy DD is dating or interested in. I might object to a mixed-gender sleepover, depending on the circumstances, but it seems like this event is just a few hours in the evening.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude or confrontational at all, but I don't understand why the fact that kids of both genders are going to be present is so concerning to you. There will be adult supervision, there seems to be an odd number of attendees and thus it's unlikely to be intended to push the kids together as couples, and it sounds like everybody is probably just friends. I don't think the presence of a boy or two is somehow a threat to your DD or makes the event unsuitable -- as I mentioned in my previous post I think it is healthy for kids to have friendships with both boys and girls, and this event sounds like a perfectly age appropriate, safe, and fun way for a group of friends to get together. If there are cultural or religious reasons why you don't feel it is appropriate for your DD to have mixed-gender friendships, please disregard my post and I apologize for potentially being insensitive to your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:seems like a small party - 2 boys and 2 girls?

I read the OP as 2 boys and 3 girls + hostess, so 2 boys and 4 girls for a total of 6 people. One girl has already declined to attend, meaning 2 boys and 2 girls may or may not be attending, plus obviously the hostess. Small, but reasonable for the size of a core group of friends if they're not particularly outgoing and prefer small groups. That was around the size of my oldest DD's group of closest friends at that age.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for responding back with answers.
I am feeling slightly inclined to send her to the party after reading all of your posts.
Also since my dd herself wants to go, I feel that I have to decide quickly and let her know.

Here are a few concerns:
Partly cultural reasons are also involved.

Apart from that, my dd had been a victim of bullying for a long time in elementary school. could not handle it. In most cases, tried to avoid the bullies. She never stood up against bullying. Even she personally never complained to me that she is getting bullied. I came to know from other friends or teachers. Then when asked she would narrate the incidents to me. I am not sure if she is telling me completely.

dd is a simple kid. very quiet kid.

She has high tolerance level.
examples: If someone called her ugly, she would just take it. not say anything. I am not asking her to call the other kid ugly. All I want is at least say beauty does not matter.
But she does feel bad that someone said something mean to her.
We experienced some recent teasing as well in some summer camp. Girls teasing her with some boy's name (There was no boy with that name in the summer camp or in the school. never heard of that name before summer camp as well). She was very touchy about the subject when questioned about it. I am not sure how she responded back to the girls on day to day basis in the summer camp. My guess is she just kept quiet.
Finally recently she told them that it is not funny when they kept going on about it (almost in second quarter of school year). But here I had to intervene to help her out. Again here I initiated the talks between dd and me.

I dont know the host parents personally.

But I know one of the boy's mom. she is a gossip queen.
I understand that kids have to live their lives and experience good and bad and learn to take good path.
what if someone says something to her? what if it becomes a continuous joke for the rest of middle school and beyond? what if moms who gossip carry on about it?
Will I ever come to know about it and if it is bothering my dd?

Additionally, all the kids know each other from elementary school. But for my dd these are relatively new friendships formed in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for responding back with answers.
I am feeling slightly inclined to send her to the party after reading all of your posts.
Also since my dd herself wants to go, I feel that I have to decide quickly and let her know.

Here are a few concerns:

Apart from that, my dd had been a victim of bullying for a long time in elementary school. could not handle it. In most cases, tried to avoid the bullies. She never stood up against bullying. Even she personally never complained to me that she is getting bullied. I came to know from other friends or teachers. Then when asked she would narrate the incidents to me. I am not sure if she is telling me completely.

dd is a simple kid. very quiet kid.

She has high tolerance level.
examples: If someone called her ugly, she would just take it. not say anything. I am not asking her to call the other kid ugly. All I want is at least say beauty does not matter.
But she does feel bad that someone said something mean to her.
We experienced some recent teasing as well in some summer camp. Girls teasing her with some boy's name (There was no boy with that name in the summer camp or in the school. never heard of that name before summer camp as well). She was very touchy about the subject when questioned about it. I am not sure how she responded back to the girls on day to day basis in the summer camp. My guess is she just kept quiet.
Finally recently she told them that it is not funny when they kept going on about it (almost in second quarter of school year). But here I had to intervene to help her out. Again here I initiated the talks between dd and me.

MS/HS mom PP here. OK, this concerns me and I would have to feel comfortable that my child is not being invited to be a target/victim. When you first posted, I was kinda with the helicopter poster, but this information gives me pause. My HS son was bullied and has a high tolerance for being picked at. I work a lot with him about making good choices when it comes to accepting invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please land your helicopter immediately.

Am I being a helicopter mom?
Is that what your comment meant?
maybe so.
maybe I am over thinking this whole party thing.

Yes. You are.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she has found her clique. Dot blame the boy for having a gossipy mom.