Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Go look at the map, the Red Hook projects are a good 15-20 minutes hike with a highway in the middle of it. Besides, there is no place in the walkable areas of NYC that is not within 15 minutes from some “undesirable” housing.
It’s a seven minute walk from Red Hook East to the Dunkin in Carroll Gardens. There’s an army of criminals and sex offenders in that housing projects. Also keep in mind Carroll Gardens is a big step down from Brooklyn Heights and even Cobble Hill.
New Yorker here. Tell me you haven’t been to NYC in at least a decade without telling me you haven’t been to NYC in at least a decade.
90 percent of the posts on here are written by tourists who don’t know the city.
Cobble hill is extremely desirable. Carrol gardens is extremely desirable. As is Park Slope and many other neighborhoods you haven’t heard of bc you clearly don’t know NYC. FWIW Brooklyn heights has long been considered a bit passé and boring, although the promenade is pretty. It is not a ‘top’ area to live for most people. Red hook is a desirable and totally fun place to live. Yes, there are many projects in one section but guess what? That’s true of pretty much every NYC neighborhood. The city was designed that way. And there are also many mixed income buildings around as well. Again, this was by design, and the city has ramped up those types of projects. The city is meant to be vibrant and not full of just wealthy white people who are lawyers and finance people. If you want that, go to the suburbs and eat at a chain restaurant. And fyi the public school system, especially at the high school level is amazing. And kids can go to any school they apply to and get in. They are not limited by zone.
Desirability is measured by price. Brooklyn Heights is more expensive than Park Slope and Carroll Gardens because it is more desirable.
No one said the redditor is white. It’s also appalling you assume lawyers and financiers are all whites. There wasn’t some city charter or decree saying it has to be “vibrant” and mixed income. The last three decades of NY say otherwise.
The public schools are horrible. Even if you get into Stuyvesant, it is an unhealthy environment.
Yep, NYC is not for the snowflakes. You and your spawn are better off in a planned community somewhere.
If 65k tuition is a rounding error during accounting then you don’t send a kid to Stuyvesant. Lots of mental health issues and academic misconduct. The networking is way worse unless you want to know bodega owners’ children.
Somebody here is obsessed with the NYC billionaires. Dude, you’re not one of them, why talk? Being healthy is not choosing your children’s friends based on their family income. If Stuy works best for your kid that’s where they should go. Hopefully they meet a bunch of great neighborhood kids. If your child is a talented musician then you would check out LaGuardia. So many options, you’re so lucky. Don’t blow it by trying to hang with the 1%.
I know some wealthy UES private school kids and they are the most f-up kids/family I know of. Serious addiction and mental health issues, and academically average (if that). Family friends that literally rampage like the Kennedys. Even if I had the money I would not want my kid in that atmosphere.
I do because the drugs and mental health issues are everywhere, including Scarsdale High. At least they have money to paper over deficiencies on UES. In NJ they become 16 and pregnant with ankle monitor wearing baby daddy’s.
Ha ha yes, at Scarsdale High the girls are all pregnant at 16. wtf.
I’m telling you the drugs, immoral behavior, and mental health issues at the wealthy UES private were worse than most anything I have heard/experienced.
Scarsdale HS will have pregnant teens walking the halls and in your kids art class. Pregnant teens at Spence get expelled.
Anonymous wrote:New Yorker here. Ridiculous. Lawyers are so striver (I’m one btw). I work in house, am a single mom and make far less and have raised two kids here. I bought in an up and coming neighborhood which has gotten nicer over the years but still isn’t exactly park Avenue (oh well) and my 2 kids went to public, although one went to a parochial for high school. Very happy here, the city has so much to offer and I loved having teens in a city where I didn’t have to worry about drunk driving.
It’s people like this who only want to send their dc to private schools (why? There are amazing public options) and[b] have a house in the hamptons and a huge apartment in the west village[i] who think they’re ‘poor’.
Again, striver.
It’s not unreasonable that a person earning close to a million a year thinks they should have more purchasing power than a dumpy apartment in Brooklyn.
It sounds like you have lower standards if you are okay being a single parent, NY public schools and live on much less in NY.
It is unreasonable to think you’re going to live like the hedge fund guys, the oligarchs, the famous entertainers, the real estate owners in NYC. You need an 8 figure income to live in the nicest parts of Manhattan and private schools and activities for your kids.
Find the best NYC public schools and let your kids live like Mew Yorkers.
Your average 22 year old entering a T13 law school doesn’t get how big a gap there is between big law partner and hedge fund PM. They also don’t know what lifestyle a big law partner’s finance allow (it doesn’t justify the lifestyle she leads now). You are right that it is unreasonable for someone with full knowledge, most don’t though.
What is big law? Big law firms. But all are not the same. The higher end firms pay partners more. I may take a couple of years but 1.5 million is your base line for the better firms. Many of those firms pay prtners 5 million plus with stars now at 10-15 million. The lower ends of biglaw are not that.
Anonymous wrote:New Yorker here. Ridiculous. Lawyers are so striver (I’m one btw). I work in house, am a single mom and make far less and have raised two kids here. I bought in an up and coming neighborhood which has gotten nicer over the years but still isn’t exactly park Avenue (oh well) and my 2 kids went to public, although one went to a parochial for high school. Very happy here, the city has so much to offer and I loved having teens in a city where I didn’t have to worry about drunk driving.
It’s people like this who only want to send their dc to private schools (why? There are amazing public options) and[b] have a house in the hamptons and a huge apartment in the west village[i] who think they’re ‘poor’.
Again, striver.
It’s not unreasonable that a person earning close to a million a year thinks they should have more purchasing power than a dumpy apartment in Brooklyn.
It sounds like you have lower standards if you are okay being a single parent, NY public schools and live on much less in NY.
It is unreasonable to think you’re going to live like the hedge fund guys, the oligarchs, the famous entertainers, the real estate owners in NYC. You need an 8 figure income to live in the nicest parts of Manhattan and private schools and activities for your kids.
Find the best NYC public schools and let your kids live like Mew Yorkers.
Your average 22 year old entering a T13 law school doesn’t get how big a gap there is between big law partner and hedge fund PM. They also don’t know what lifestyle a big law partner’s finance allow (it doesn’t justify the lifestyle she leads now). You are right that it is unreasonable for someone with full knowledge, most don’t though.
What is big law? Big law firms. But all are not the same. The higher end firms pay partners more. I may take a couple of years but 1.5 million is your base line for the better firms. Many of those firms pay prtners 5 million plus with stars now at 10-15 million. The lower ends of biglaw are not that.
And those all star big law partners’ counterparts in PE and hedge funds make them look like paupers. They are the ones buying the BK townhouses and UES 4BR that the reddit lady wants. And she hasn’t even gotten into second home ownership, which most successful NYC professionals desperately want.
Anonymous wrote:The COL in nyc is insane. My friends who I estimate earn 800-2m in nyc all live in a 2-3 bedroom apt. My one friend who probably earns around 500 and her DH probably earns close to 1m live in a 2 bedroom/den apt. Their daughter’s room is the “den”. This den is a wall off the living/dining room.
We live in close in dc suburbs (McLean) and live in a 15,000sf house and I’m fairly certain our house is the same price as their apt. Their kids’ rooms are smaller than my closet.
Lol. You live in a suburban McMansion. My friend who earns 800k in NYC lives in an amazing apartment overlooking Central Park with a world-class city at her feet. Square footage does not determine your quality of life no matter how proud you are of your gift wrapping room.
Exactly. High earners living in NYC don’t value square footage; they value being able to walk out their door and have one of the largest cities in the world waiting for them. If they want the big suburban home they surely can afford to move into one.
800k in nyc isn’t a “high earner” and earners of all stripes in NYc fight and tooth and nail for more space. Those with tens of millions in Manhattan (really the minimum to be considered wealthy, arguably 20mm doesn’t cut it) don’t have their kids share bedrooms or lack closet space.
youre gauche. also lol at 12k a month for a huge spread in brickell
There is a world of difference between a McLean McMansion and a 12k a month 2BR rental overlooking central park with a doorman. For that cost you can buy a townhouse in Georgetown or a huge spread in Brickell. Not everyone has to choose between the most urbanized area of the U.S. or some gauche suburb.
It’s not gauche to anonymously point out that you need tens of millions in NYC to be rich. If a few mil cut it then this thread would’ve died after one page.
There are plenty of 5+mm high rise condos in Brickell, I don’t know why 12k a month for a nice spread there is so funny to you. Get out more and visit Brickell Key.
This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
You absolutely can provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC, and for a lot less. It might not be a big room, and private school, in Tribeca, but NYC is a big city and a lot of the posters are incredibly narrow minded in how they imagine a happy life in NYC. I think biglaw expectations, not NYC, may be the problem here.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
A room for every kid is not the minimum. A room for every gender is. Her family could fit in a 3BR.
Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.
Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.
Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.
OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.
I wonder… do people like OP also see the vast majority of New Yorkers who make FAR LESS than she does? The people who work their asses off to simply provide housing (“optimal” doesn’t even enter the picture) and food for their families?
Eh rent control is ironclad in NY. If you play your cards right early then housing is taken care of. It won’t have amenities and it won’t be close to the quality of market rate but it’s safe and affordable.
The thing is, if you bag groceries or deliver door dash you can do that in Jackson MS or somewhere else cheap. Even the other cities offering big law mocked on here (Chicago, Philadelphia) when compared to NY are expensive by median American family standards.
No shit. Do the rich AH’s in NYC not want their groceries bagged or their food delivered? Try using your brain.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
A room for every kid is not the minimum. A room for every gender is. Her family could fit in a 3BR.
She went to law school and is a partner in big law. She’s not settling for living like animals.
Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.
Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.
Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.
OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.
I wonder… do people like OP also see the vast majority of New Yorkers who make FAR LESS than she does? The people who work their asses off to simply provide housing (“optimal” doesn’t even enter the picture) and food for their families?
Eh rent control is ironclad in NY. If you play your cards right early then housing is taken care of. It won’t have amenities and it won’t be close to the quality of market rate but it’s safe and affordable.
The thing is, if you bag groceries or deliver door dash you can do that in Jackson MS or somewhere else cheap. Even the other cities offering big law mocked on here (Chicago, Philadelphia) when compared to NY are expensive by median American family standards.
No shit. Do the rich AH’s in NYC not want their groceries bagged or their food delivered? Try using your brain.
That’s not the point. Don’t bag groceries and expect a good life in NYC. You can be blue collar or no collar in Flyover USA. The Reddit attorney has to live in an expensive major city to do her job, which isn’t bagging groceries.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
You absolutely can provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC, and for a lot less. It might not be a big room, and private school, in Tribeca, but NYC is a big city and a lot of the posters are incredibly narrow minded in how they imagine a happy life in NYC. I think biglaw expectations, not NYC, may be the problem here.
Please give an example. And if it is living in Jackson Heights and using PS 101 to test into Stuyvesant then that is not “a happy life in NYC”
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
You absolutely can provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC, and for a lot less. It might not be a big room, and private school, in Tribeca, but NYC is a big city and a lot of the posters are incredibly narrow minded in how they imagine a happy life in NYC. I think biglaw expectations, not NYC, may be the problem here.
Please give an example. And if it is living in Jackson Heights and using PS 101 to test into Stuyvesant then that is not “a happy life in NYC”
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
You absolutely can provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC, and for a lot less. It might not be a big room, and private school, in Tribeca, but NYC is a big city and a lot of the posters are incredibly narrow minded in how they imagine a happy life in NYC. I think biglaw expectations, not NYC, may be the problem here.
Please give an example. And if it is living in Jackson Heights and using PS 101 to test into Stuyvesant then that is not “a happy life in NYC”
God you are pathetic.
I’m not the one mocking a working mother who would be able to provide an UMC life in any other city in the country.
Anonymous wrote:This thread is so stupid. I make $150,000 a year and I feel very rich (though with no kids). That doesn’t mean I have no limitations on my spending, and someone who makes $850,000 a year we also have limitations on their spending.
I’m Republican but threads like this pull me somewhat more leftward. Above a relatively moderate income/net worth, money just becomes, at best, about these trivialities or, worse, about greed and status-chasing.
Did you read the lady’s post? You cannot provide a strong education and a room for every kid in a safe part of NYC on 850k. She’s not asking for a private jet and house on Jupiter Island, more just the bare minimum.
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