"Can you send me your notes...... pleeeezzzze?????

[Anonymous]

DD is in 7th grade. She has a cell phone and I periodically check her texts. SHe knows this.

One teacher assigns Cornell style notes for each chapter which takes several hours to complete. DD religiously hands them in on-time.

I read texts tonight from DD's friend who begged for DD to send her her Cornell notes (she promised to paraphrase) because they were due yesterday and she procrastinated doing them. They both have a big test tomorrow so the girl said she didn't have time to do them. It looks like DD send them to her.

I know my DD's school has a serious no cheating policy. Several students automatically failed Spanish because they used Google translate for the final which was against policy. Another student had her admission to Carnegie Mellon pulled because the school reported academic dishonesty she par-took in.

But at the same time, the school encourages collaborative learning. If fact, they complete biology pogils (like labs) in groups and are suppose to share answers.

DD is a bit quirky and naive and I'm not sure if she thought of this as cheating.

I do plan to talk with DD tomorrow but wanted weigh-in from others....

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe this is in violation of the school's policy. I would have a nice conversation with her and just let her know that next time she should not cave in to her friend.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is a big deal. I would talk to her about procrastination and why she procrastinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is a big deal. I would talk to her about procrastination and why she procrastinated.

Her friend procrastinated.

[Anonymous]

Talk with her about what cheating means. I remember doing something similar when I was in 7th grade--I did not think of it as cheating since I knew I could do the work.

[Anonymous]

IF your daughter shares her notes with a friend, I don't think she has done anything wrong. If the friend uses them as anything more than a guide and hands them in as her own, then the friend has done something wrong. Regardless, you will get one time to use something your daughter has in her emails/text messages for purposes of having a conversation with her about her behavior/choices, because she will learn to delete them in the future, and I would not want to wast it on this.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter finds out you read her texts she will learn how to hide things from you more effectively. She certainly understands how to use technology better than you. I think you should not be reading her texts (unless you have a much better reason, like you suspect drug abuse). You just don't belong in there when she's having private conversations.

It sounds like an ambiguous situation. Have a general conversation with her at some point -- you may not understand the ground rules. And butt out of her private conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your daughter finds out you read her texts she will learn how to hide things from you more effectively. She certainly understands how to use technology better than you. I think you should not be reading her texts (unless you have a much better reason, like you suspect drug abuse). You just don't belong in there when she's having private conversations.

It sounds like an ambiguous situation. Have a general conversation with her at some point -- you may not understand the ground rules. And butt out of her private conversations.

NP here. I completely disagree with this. Mom absolutely has the right to read her 12 yr old daughter's texts. The daughter knows that the mom is doing it. Mom wrote that she was not being sneaky and checking the phone on the sly. Why wait until you suspect drug abuse? There are plenty of other things that tweens should not be doing in addition to abusing drugs. Again, this is a 12 yr old. She is not 17 and about to head to college next year so you just trust you taught her the right things. At 12 you should still be in the process of teaching her about the world and not leaving her up to her own devices.

OP- I would talk to her about sharing work. A lab where you are discussing results is much different than just forwarding homework to a friend. It seems like your school is very serious about the honor code. Don't let her get screwed by being nice and sharing with her friends. She will get in trouble for cheating along with her friend.

[Anonymous]

I also disagree with the idea that if you raise it, your DD will start hiding her texts. My kids actually appreciate when I raise issues and help them process how to handle difficult situations. FWIW, not sure if it's cheating- I tend to lean toward yes. But even if not, your DD is setting herself up to get in trouble if her friend does not change things. If I were you I'd be sure to save those texts for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Her friend is also being a mooch.

[Anonymous]

ITA with 8:15.

[Anonymous]

To decide if it is cheating or not, ask your daughter what the teacher would say if she asked - is it OK if I give my Cornell notes to my friend so she can rephrase them and turn them in?

She knows it's not OK. She just needed a way to tell her friend no -- or not to, if she's OK with the copying, but in that case -- to be sure her friend rephrases them properly so as not to get caught.

Heck, Ron and Harry were copying Hermione's notes all the time in school and they turned out OK. Friendship matters, too!

[Anonymous]

My DC got in trouble for something like that in high school and got a 50% on the assignment (he was the one doing the work not getting the work). So it could be dangerous for your DD. Teachers can see the similarities in an instant regardless of how clever the kids think they are.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would talk to her. Not just about the repercussions of cheating, but also (and mostly) about the value of her work. You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me for my notes during both my undergrad and grad studies - at first I said yes because I thought it'd be rude to refuse, but it got to a point where I was taken advantage of by people I barely knew. I felt SO relieved once I developed an "official" policy of refusing unless the person was a very close friend. I stopped agonizing and feeling guilty over every single request, and felt much better knowing the work I'd taken so seriously was mine only and didn't serve to raise random students' grades!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would talk to her. Not just about the repercussions of cheating, but also (and mostly) about the value of her work. You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me for my notes during both my undergrad and grad studies - at first I said yes because I thought it'd be rude to refuse, but it got to a point where I was taken advantage of by people I barely knew. I felt SO relieved once I developed an "official" policy of refusing unless the person was a very close friend. I stopped agonizing and feeling guilty over every single request, and felt much better knowing the work I'd taken so seriously was mine only and didn't serve to raise random students' grades!

I suppose your language was rhetorical, but consider who uses DCUM. Yes, we all know how many people asked to borrow our notes, or in some cases, borrowed other people's notes.

If the notes are required to be turned in for a grade, then that might be different. Just sharing notes among students in a class doesn't seem like cheating to me.