What do you do when someone says something horrible to their child in public?

[Anonymous]

I was at a store yesterday and a man yelled to his 3 year old child in a shopping cart, "if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to beat you." I was right in front of him and turned around and gave him a very disapproving look. He looked back at me with one of the meanest looks I have ever received. It scared me, really. So I didn't say/do anything else. I'm wondering now if I should've done more. I'm not really sure what, but it was just so disturbing to see this child being spoken to this way. To be honest, I was also worried that if I said anything, this guy might hunt me down in the parking lot and really whack me one. I think he was fully capable of it. In addition, the child had a large open gash on his nose. I have no idea if he fell down or his dad had done something to him. There's just not much you can gather from a grocery store encounter. So anyways, just wondering if anyone else has encountered a situation like this and what you did?

[Anonymous]

That is just so awful! I don't know if saying anything to him or the child in the situation would've done any good. But, it is a really good question. What should we do if we see something like this? It doesn't quite warrant a call to the police or CPS. But, I couldn't just be a bystander either.

[Anonymous]

I hear this M-F on the bus. Young women and young men telling toddlers and babies to STFU! and "sit your a$s down". It is very disturbing. I don't see a lot of good outcomes from this parenting style.

[Anonymous]

This just makes me so sad. Especially that he gave you a mean look. I guess that's how he makes his way through life--intimidating others.

I hope that child is all right.

[Anonymous]

Alright. Devil's advocate. Nobody would argue that it's optimal parenting. Not nobody, not no how. But sometimes we see a horrid little window where someone is having a really rough time right that very second, and it is not the entire picture.

[Anonymous]

My fear has always been less about what they'll do to me and more of what they'll do to the child if I did say anything. Chances are, somebody with that kind of anger could possibly just take it out on the child or engage you in an argument in front of the child which isn't healthy either. I will say that I do have an awful guilt when seeing this and not speaking up. Maybe, not even acknowledging the parent but saying something nice to the child might get the message across to the parent.

[Anonymous]

any extreme is dangerous/immoral.

I hate parents that say bad words to their children and I also feel disgusted by parents that ignore bad behavior of their children in public.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes an empathetically phrased, "Having a rough day, huh?" or, "You want to go ahead of me in line?" or, "I've been there. It's exhausting," can go a long way in defusing something totally uncool, make someone on the verge remember that they are not in a vacuum, and remind people that folks are watching.

[Anonymous]

That is so horrible! I'm hard of hearing so unless someone is quite loud (and they have been at times...) I don't hear them. however, I have seen people talking to their crying children with very scary looks on their faces and making scary gestures, which can never be good. I have also, especially on the bus, seen parents hit/swat at their toddlers for being "disruptive" (ie talking, reaching for a toy they dropped, trying to turn around to look out the window). Definitely not fun to watch, especially when you are with your own child.

[Anonymous]

Having a bad day and using that kind of language and tone with a 3 year old are two different things. I'm sorry but children that grow up without love and affection are also victims of abuse. The kid doesn't have to get whacked in the head or pushed down a flight of stairs to indicate something is seriously wrong. You can be stern and loving at the same time. The experience the OP gave says there's more going on there than just a bad day maybe not physical but just as damaging. I may be ultra sensitive in throwing out the 'A' word here but I speak from my own experience. Growing up with that kind of feedback from a parent can be very damaging to a child's self-esteem and creat big time trust issues later on in life.

[zumbamama]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes an empathetically phrased, "Having a rough day, huh?" or, "You want to go ahead of me in line?" or, "I've been there. It's exhausting," can go a long way in defusing something totally uncool, make someone on the verge remember that they are not in a vacuum, and remind people that folks are watching.

I like this approach. Kindness can be contagious sometimes, you might rub some off on the other parent.

[Anonymous]

They say that speaking up just puts the child in more danger since abusers take things out on their kids. Once someone in line at the grocery store started making small talk with me about my then-toddler. She said something about nap time, and i said, oh, he never sleeps, it's a nightmare. She looked at my DC and said, "your mommy doesn't really mean that." It shamed me and was a nice gesture toward my DC all at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:any extreme is dangerous/immoral.

I hate parents that say bad words to their children and I also feel disgusted by parents that ignore bad behavior of their children in public.

I dare you to speak your mind to some of the bad ass looking moms I see on the bus cussin at their kids. Those moms could kick my ass with one hand tied behind their back, they are some scrappy looking bitches I see calling their kids MFers.

NO ONE says anything to those moms, they are some tough girls I see on the bus. Most of them look no more than 18 yrs old with a few kids, they simply have no coping skills, there's nothing I can do about that.

[Anonymous]

" Growing up with that kind of feedback from a parent can be very damaging to a child's self-esteem and creat big time trust issues later on in life.

Obviously. But sometimes the reality is:

"I dare you to speak your mind to some of the bad ass looking moms I see on the bus cussin at their kids. Those moms could kick my ass with one hand tied behind their back, they are some scrappy looking bitches I see calling their kids MFers.
"

And these women carry knives. It's not worth the risk for me to try to be "kind". These women don't know the meaning of kindness or how to respond to it.

"NO ONE says anything to those moms, they are some tough girls I see on the bus. Most of them look no more than 18 yrs old with a few kids, they simply have no coping skills, there's nothing I can do about that."

But pray. THIS is the future of our country, not your kids and not the "Mommy Wars". It ain't pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any extreme is dangerous/immoral.

I hate parents that say bad words to their children and I also feel disgusted by parents that ignore bad behavior of their children in public.

I dare you to speak your mind to some of the bad ass looking moms I see on the bus cussin at their kids. Those moms could kick my ass with one hand tied behind their back, they are some scrappy looking bitches I see calling their kids MFers.

NO ONE says anything to those moms, they are some tough girls I see on the bus. Most of them look no more than 18 yrs old with a few kids, they simply have no coping skills, there's nothing I can do about that.

I actually have spoken up on three occasions to young mothers being completely ignorant to their children. No one gave me a bad look or tried to kick my ass. The girls were so shocked that someone actually had the nerve to say something to them that they apologized. Lots of times "intimidators" are insecure and scared themselves.

This has happened twice in Baltimore and once in DC. I have only opened my mouth in three extreme situations where I really felt that the child might be in danger. Sometimes saying something isn't that bad.