So my kid learned a new gesture on the bus...

[Anonymous]

My 8 y/o asked me what "a finger in the hole" meant and when I asked for an explanation of that he showed me making a loose fist and putting his finger in the hole. He wanted to know what it meant and why the boy who showed it to him was laughing. I just told him that it was a crude and rude gesture and not to do it again, and that maybe this boy wasn't someone he wanted to be friends with. We dropped it after that, but I'm wondering if there is anything else I should do?

[Anonymous]

Like what? Tell the bus company and the principal and demand they get a bus aide? Your kid's gonna learn shit from older kids. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like what? Tell the bus company and the principal and demand they get a bus aide? Your kid's gonna learn shit from older kids. That's life.

Yeah, I know that. I'm not a pearl clutcher. I thought it might be worth mentioning to the bus driver so she can keep an eye on the older kids. But, maybe not worth the effort. Why do people default to rudeness so often on this forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like what? Tell the bus company and the principal and demand they get a bus aide? Your kid's gonna learn shit from older kids. That's life.

She didn't talk about complaining but that is nasty behavior for an 8yr old.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do anything else because I wouldn't want to make it seem more important than it is. Would prefer for my kid to just forget the whole thing, rather than seeing mom come back to talk about it more than once. Might become more interesting if he realizes it bothers you.

[Anonymous]

OK, here's a counter point. My kid has learned totally atrocious things on the bus. He still tells me about them. And when appropriate, I chime in on why it's terrible and no good and very bad. If it is bad enough, I talk to the driver. Sometimes it's bad enough that the driver talks to me (via a call from school).

All that said, and I don't love this, the bus ride is really and truly the ONLY time these kids get to unwind together and do the dumb stuff we all did when we were kids at school. They aren't even supposed to talk at lunch. They don't have recess. Hell, they only have gym for one semester. So, unless it's really dangerous or perpetuating bulllying/injustice/some ism I can't get behind, I turn a blind eye.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about you, but we didn't talk about f*cking on my elementary school bus, and I didn't grow up in the nicest neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about you, but we didn't talk about f*cking on my elementary school bus, and I didn't grow up in the nicest neighborhood.

Seriously? Where did you grow up, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood? I grew up in a nice, rural area and we joked about all sorts of stuff including sex (although most of the time it was started by one kid and resulted in an ewwwwwwwww by the rest of us).

[Anonymous]

OP, when my child asks for an explanation of something like that, I say "It's about sex." She usually loses all interest. It's not like I'm graphically spelling out "The left hand is making penis gestures and the right hand is the vagina and they are..." I think you kind of were coy with your child needlessly. Just answer the question. And telling him not to be friends with this kid to me is way overblown. Based on a dirty joke on the school bus?

[Anonymous]

This is what I would say to my 7 yo (who knows how babies are made):

The finger in the hole probably represents penis in the vagina. Now, that kind of stuff is EXTREMELY personal, and the gesture can get you into a TON OF TROUBLE. Do you see mature responsible grownups doing that? (No. Because it is so personal and obnoxious, that adults know it's a powerfully rude thing to do!) It can certainly get adults into trouble, too.

If someone did that gesture to make other people uncomfortable or nervous or threatened, then they made a terrible mistake and they need to apologize. It can be the kind of thing that a bully might do. Sex is personal. Penises and vaginas are personal. Don't make people sweat or nervous by making that gesture. It's just not right.

And then ask: Is this kid a good kid who just made a mistake? Or does he do this kind of thing all the time? [Then ask what else he does, and take it from there.]

[Anonymous]

OP, you know that means "a$$hole" right?

[Anonymous]

Well, if I were to cut the school budget, the first thing I would cut is family life education because the kids get it for free on the bus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about you, but we didn't talk about f*cking on my elementary school bus, and I didn't grow up in the nicest neighborhood.

We sure did on mine ! Oh the good ole days. My 30 yr old friends still make that gesture haha

[Anonymous]

Just wait til he's in 5th grade and he learns the one where you put your two fingers in the shape of a V and then put your tongue in the middle of that.

That's what my 10yo just asked me about last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like what? Tell the bus company and the principal and demand they get a bus aide? Your kid's gonna learn shit from older kids. That's life.

Yeah, I know that. I'm not a pearl clutcher. I thought it might be worth mentioning to the bus driver so she can keep an eye on the older kids. But, maybe not worth the effort. Why do people default to rudeness so often on this forum?

I'm being realistic. The bus driver needs to keep an eye on the road. The bus driver's priority is to safely drive the bus. Not to monitor what kids are saying to each other.