Really need input

[Anonymous]

Really need advice -
If you were nearly middle age but bk in the day your brother, father uncle or some
Such did this would you be today nervous with them and your kids?
I'm likely way way too sensitive.
Okay this relative when I was in high school lay down behind
Me in hs and kissed back of my neck and moved his hand and
Started Pushing my Shirt up until I pushed it down before anything happened.
Very clear to me then something would have
Happened had I not stopped it. He barely ever hugged in general ever. That was it. Maybe a few hand up a bit
Too high on back of thigh now and again thru years I back away it's done.
Fast forward close family we all see each other
Holidays we have stayed at one another's homes. But
It's like bam I'm all of a sudden like what happened all that
Time ago was nothing but it makes me uncomfirtable
For my little daughter. Because last year I said oh so and so coming
For a visit and she at age 4 says no, I don't want him too. Emphatically. I instantly
Felt that old feeling but said to myself I'm hypersensitive.
Life has gone on, visits bk and forth but maybe
It's turning 40 but I hear my daughter say that and I
Think about growing up and I feel protective of her
About this person. Am I too over the top? I don't know
That I can continue staying there at a holiday.
I'm so grateful for any thoughts. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Trust your daughter, trust your gut. Never leave her alone with him.

[Anonymous]

Op here: Thank you for your post. We were supposed to
Go up for holidays. I mean know everyone would think
I'm having some sort of psychic break because nothing overt happened. This person is a wonderful person
In countless ways and no one would believe this.
But I feel like my daughter said this, I know what
I've experienced, yes we've since had happy visits en familie but
I'm like feeling my I'm now 40 I have a better backbone
To divebomb holidays if I gave to in order to listen to myself and more importantly
My daughter. This person is now elderly btw but I don't think that ought to matter?
Is it okay to not go for holidays even if irreparable family damage is result?

[Anonymous]

This person cannot be trusted. your job is to protect your kids.

[Anonymous]

Op: if this person was elderly, revered truly by all. And if it
Could physically health wise be too much for his spouse, family members for too much info -
How do you say no to holidays? They will know there is some sort of problem but
What do u say?

[Anonymous]

Can you go visit for the day/days but stay somewhere else if it involves traveling out of the area? Make it a shorter visit rather than a longer one. And while you are there, keep a close eye on your DD (and any other girls) and don't be afraid to speak up if you see something "not right" going on.

[Anonymous]

Op: Because it's such close family they would instantly know something wrong.

[Anonymous]

If the person is elderly now, maybe nothing would happen. But I would watch the person in question and your daughter like a hawk and try to keep at a distance so there is no chance of anything creepy happening.

[Anonymous]

But would you still go for holidays? Impossible to go just for day - would be overnights.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, above post was from op.

[Anonymous]

So they know something's wrong. That person is in the wrong 100%. Are you feeling insecure because you don't think anyone would believe you? YOU need to protect your child against people like him. I'm very sorry no one protected you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for post. I mean I guess I shouldn't be conflicted
But I stopped him before anything happened so other than a few awkward moments
I have haven't had a momentous event w him. And he is an amazing person otherwise. But those events
Coupled w my daughter's reticence has just like hit me over the head and I was just wondering if it should. Also they
Wouldn't think anything on this topic if
We didn't stay with them because we have many times. They would think it was impolite we not staying w them. It would become
A thing because they would never imagine
I was having some unthinkable hs flashback.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop saying nothing happened. SOMETHING happened. Something he should NOT have done happened. It doesn't matter if he's the pope - He touched you in a way he shouldn't. It does NOT matter what your family thinks, you need to protect your child. If they ask, you tell them the truth. You need to grow a backbone and be there for YOUR child who needs you.

[Anonymous]

Op here : Okay I know how I sound. I do. But nonetheless one could
Say affectionate brother father etc kissed back of neck and moved hand towards thjngs but never got there.
And it was a million years ago. I told my dh of that one event he says eh - crossed boundary but
Could have been worse. But he doesn't know what dd said and he doesn't know there were a few other
Mild uncomfirtable moments in my experience.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your DH what your DD said. He may very well change his opinion of what happened. I'm sorry this happened to you. I think you're minimizing its impact on you.