boss doesn't want me at management retreat

[Anonymous]

What would you do? I'm the only person at my level (job title is the cut-off for the retreat) not to be invited. Turns out that our management team discussed the list of attendees and it was noted I wasn't on the list. Others thought I should be there, but my boss made it clear that I shouldn't be. I've done a great job this year (my 1st) and my group is on track to hit yearly numbers. I'm in a company where relationships matter, being perceived as part of a team matters and where "perception is reality." I worry that being left out of this important retreat will be seen as what I fear it is -- a slap in the face.

Not attending this high-profile event (social events mixed with business ones) feels embarrassing and also seems to represent lost opportunity for visibility and networking opportunities.

I feel like I'm being sabotaged (boss should have made sure I was included). Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your boss about this directly? Understanding your boss's reasoning might help you make sense of what this means for you and your future there.

[Anonymous]

He said "I don't want you to be offended" and mentioned that we have a lot of end of year work to complete. But, it sounds hollow b/c everyone else at the retreat is also senior and, presumably, has end-of-year work to do.

I wonder if he doesn't want me to gain visibility.

[Anonymous]

Is there someone else at your boss's level who you are close with who you can ask? Are you capable of completing your year-end work even if you DO go to the retreat?

[Anonymous]

You are a work horse and more valuable to him staying at work.

[Anonymous]

I think he is clearly trying to sabotage you. How has your relationship been with him up until now?

[Anonymous]

I would find this very upsetting too. What has your relationship been like with your boss in the past? Could you have an honest conversation?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to go to your boss and tell him that there is a lot of talk about why you are not going to the retreat. Tell him that you understand his reasoning, but that an explanation for your absence needs to come from him to the group. At this point your absence is becoming an issue that impacts your ability to work with the team.

Your boss is terrible at group dynamics. Retreats are, by definition, a loss of team productivity. Everyone takes the hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a work horse and more valuable to him staying at work.

Nice rationalization.

[Anonymous]

Your boss is insecure. This reflects poorly on him, not you. Others have already noticed. Don't let them forget.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to look for another job. This isn't going to work out. Your boss will do whatever it takes for you to not move up.

It's the one true thing I've learned from working for decades. You will never be successful in an environment that isn't vested in your success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to look for another job. This isn't going to work out. Your boss will do whatever it takes for you to not move up.

It's the one true thing I've learned from working for decades. You will never be successful in an environment that isn't vested in your success.

+ 1000.

Start looking as seriously as if you have been laid off. There is nothing you can do in the present situation. He wants to keep you down. He is also signaling to others that he wants you down. So, look outside of your company as well. Sounds very much like the jackass I worked with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your boss is insecure. This reflects poorly on him, not you. Others have already noticed. Don't let them forget.

Correct. However, you need to look for another job or you will be collateral damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to go to your boss and tell him that there is a lot of talk about why you are not going to the retreat. Tell him that you understand his reasoning, but that an explanation for your absence needs to come from him to the group. At this point your absence is becoming an issue that impacts your ability to work with the team.

Your boss is terrible at group dynamics. Retreats are, by definition, a loss of team productivity. Everyone takes the hit.

If he was not out to screw OP, then he would have already explained to the group why she can't go. This is a guy who wants to keep her down. There is nothing OP can do to change this without coming across as difficult. She needs to understand that no one will stand up for her if her boss is screwing her and she needs to get out of this job ASAP. Start looking and interviewing when they are at the retreat. And hope that he comes down with food poisoning there.

[Anonymous]

My advice to you is to find another job because your future is limited in your present position with your boss.

It really does not matter whether there is a legitimate reason for your boss excluding you but something as deliberate as this is a sign of major problems in your relationship with your boss.