How do you relate to your friends/relatives who hold polar opposite political views?

[Anonymous]

I am your DCUM DC gal - east coast SLAC degree, Ivy master's degree, politically to the left.

My relatives are in Missouri, military family, community college, born-again christian, politically to the right.

Normally, we just don't discuss anything political at all. But with Ferguson in their back yard, and the rise of FB and other social media it's been pretty hard to maintain radio silence.

I "liked" a newspaper article on FB after the Ferguson decision and my Aunt immediately began arguing with me on FB about it. I didn't really argue, but simply explained what I agreed with in the article (that the prosecutor used the grand jury inappropriately) and they argued back with lots of all caps. Fine. I'm pretty sure they think I'm an idiot and I think equally negative things about them.

I'm really not looking forward to the holidays when I will see them - mostly because I feel like I'll be spending 90% of my time avoiding the apparent elephant in the room. I know I'm not going to change their minds and I assume they know they aren't going to change mine, but I have this nagging anxiety about seeing them.

Can anyone relate? What do you do to change your own mind set? I don't want to spend xmas being irritated and anxious.

[Anonymous]

My family is liberal, I am not.

We don't discuss politics or religion. Period. There are too many other things that need focusing on especially given the little time we all have on this Earth.

If something is brought up, humor is the best way to deal with it and detour any bad feelings.

If humor doesn't work I say hey, what can I do to help.

[Anonymous]

"I appreciate that we have a difference of opinion here. I don't think either of us is going to change our minds, so I am not going to talk about it anymore. Now, would you like some tea? I was just going to make a pot."

[Anonymous]

Liberals will drop conservative friends so fast your head will spin. So the situation works itself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Liberals will drop conservative friends so fast your head will spin. So the situation works itself out.

Thanks. This is helpful.

[Anonymous]

I go through this with my parents a lot. I'm neither all liberal nor all conservative; they are extremely conservative and are always looking for a fight- usually it's my father looking to go off on "leftist liberals" and my mom to defend Christianity and fighting the "war on Christmas." They too have an affinity for capitalizing emails when trying to push a point, quite a lot. They've always like to yell about everything so I shouldn't be surprised. What to do about it? I've advised they join civic clubs and get involved in getting things done on a local level. They're not interested and would rather watch TV. DH finds them exhausting and at times insulting because although he's worked on Capitol Hill, they still think they know more about politics than he ever will- all from TV. At thus point, I just see them as very difficult people who love their grandchildren. The world has become a strange place to them, all the more stranger because they never travel and do not engage in many activities. They'd rather conjure up enemies. They're just more comfortable that way.

[Anonymous]

I am conservative and I have an extremely liberal sister. We simply do not discuss politics. I would be ok with a debate, but she feels as if she has to “convert me” so I will not discuss politics with her. I have several liberal friends. They are not as obstinate as my sister, so we will discuss politics and different points of view. It is healthy.
Regarding Facebook - I have both liberal and conservative friends on Facebook. I have learned to avoid politically explosive stories and topics. I will not “like” them or post them or comment on them. I find life is happier this way.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I totally avoid the ones I can. So in op's scenario, I'd unfriend them. Then I'd avoid them IRL and see them only for a few minutes at holidays.

For those relatives you cannot use this approach with, say, your mom, I just work very very hard to never bring up a divisive topic. If they bring up the topic, I change the subject. If they send a stupid email blast, I hit delete without reading. I hide their fb feed. Etc etc.

Btw, op sounds quite young and brand new to DC. And proud of herself.

[Anonymous]

"Relate"? I hope they don't talk too much and keep most opinions to themselves. Or I excuse myself and change seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is liberal, I am not.

We don't discuss politics or religion. Period. There are too many other things that need focusing on especially given the little time we all have on this Earth.

If something is brought up, humor is the best way to deal with it and detour any bad feelings.

If humor doesn't work I say hey, what can I do to help.

Yes. If they push, say "you know, it is much more important to me to enjoy my time with you today than it is to solve all of these world problems! How about some more wine?" and smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I totally avoid the ones I can. So in op's scenario, I'd unfriend them. Then I'd avoid them IRL and see them only for a few minutes at holidays.

For those relatives you cannot use this approach with, say, your mom, I just work very very hard to never bring up a divisive topic. If they bring up the topic, I change the subject. If they send a stupid email blast, I hit delete without reading. I hide their fb feed. Etc etc.

Btw, op sounds quite young and brand new to DC. And proud of herself.

Ha, I'm neither. I was trying to present the situation so as to focus on the tension and not on who is right/wrong. Because, frankly, I am really pissed off about it and have all sorts of frustration swirling around in my head - and I know I can't have a rational conversation about a lot of these issues with them - so I am trying to prepare myself for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

We don't discuss politics. Works out well!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Relate"? I hope they don't talk too much and keep most opinions to themselves. Or I excuse myself and change seats.

Which is my inclination. But isn't that over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Liberals will drop conservative friends so fast your head will spin. So the situation works itself out.

Sadly, that has been my experience as well.

I grew up surrounded by liberals (some you have probably heard of); liberal parents, liberal schools, liberal areas of the U.S. liberals are my family members - of course I love them and try to be respectful of their right to their viewpoint, even if they show me disrespect.

I do not generally find the liberals I know to be tolerant of. Viewpoints other than their own.

Sadly, most of them are so convinced that their viewpoint is absolutely correct that they cannot muster any tolerance of dissent. It is ironic and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Liberals will drop conservative friends so fast your head will spin. So the situation works itself out.

Sadly, that has been my experience as well.

I grew up surrounded by liberals (some you have probably heard of); liberal parents, liberal schools, liberal areas of the U.S. liberals are my family members - of course I love them and try to be respectful of their right to their viewpoint, even if they show me disrespect.

I do not generally find the liberals I know to be tolerant of. Viewpoints other than their own.

Sadly, most of them are so convinced that their viewpoint is absolutely correct that they cannot muster any tolerance of dissent. It is ironic and sad.

Which is what many PPs are suggesting.