Ugh my husband and his clutter!!!

[Anonymous]

DH is a clutter bug!! Now our baby is on the way and there is no space! No space in kitchen for baby bottles bc all his gadgets are clogging up every cupboard. And all 3 of us will share a closet so I prged my stuff to make room for baby. I asked him to clear one shelf and what does he do? He slides his crap into my area bc that is where there is space! So now I can't get to my stuff. I know it all sounds very petty but I feel like I cannot have anything. I am always constantly purging stuff so we don't get buried alive w stuff bc he refuses to get rid of things. As soon as I haveva little breathing room, he gets more stuff! Who hasca solution?

[Anonymous]

Box it and put it in the garage, basement. Tell him that if he gets anymore stuff that he'll need to rent a storage unit and display it there.

We had accumulated too much stuff not long ago and we all worked to sell, give away, throw away what we didn't need. And we boxed things that we wanted to keep but didn't need out. Makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

He's mentally ill. Tell him to see a shrink.

[Anonymous]

A baby will mean bringing in a ton of extra stuff into your house - baby swing, baby gates, exersaucer, bouncy chair, baby toys, baby books...and that's not even the items in the bedroom.

It's good that you are getting on your husband to pare down his stuff now. How big is your home?

[Anonymous]

He's mentally ill. Tell him to see a shrink.

Sounds extreme - but PP is likely right.

[Anonymous]

Are you guys in a condo or apartment? If so, do they have a little storage closet/area you can rent? If so, for the short term, use that and tell him he needs to move all of the stuff he doesn't use frequently in there. Then, when he doesn't use any of the moved stuff for a period of time, note that for him and ask if he can start removing things. It might take many months / a year for this to sink in to him, but he kind of needs an "aha! moment." My DH is a horrible clutter person but we actually made great progress when I made him box up stuff and put it in our unfinished basement (I'm talking music magazines that he may someday want to read again, etc.). Once he didn't even open those boxes for a year, I convinced him to throw them all out PLUS much more of his stuff. He is still programmed to keep random stuff, but now I just tell him I'm throwing things away and he doesn't protest unless it's something he really wants.

Once you have the baby, you are going to have SO MUCH MORE STUFF. He is just going to have to purge stuff to make room for the baby stuff. I would point out to him that the closet needs space for the three of you, that you've purged your stuff NOT to give him more space but to have space for the baby and tell him he either needs to find another place for the stuff (rental space like I mentioned) or get rid of some things.

Or you can win the lottery and have some massive storage facility

[Anonymous]

I have a large basket for him. When he comes home from work or shopping, his stuff goes in there. To come out of the basket, it has to have a designated place in the house. If there's no place, something must be thrown out first.

For the clutter that's already there, start organizing things. Box it if it hasn't been used lately. Get some shelves, baskets, storage tubs, etc.

Be prepared for some fights. Also realize you'll never win against the clutter. You can compromise on a plan to manage it though.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just move it? Throw things away. Move things around.

[Anonymous]

If you box his stuff for him be sure to label the boxes so if he needs to find a kitchen gadget for instance he can find it. You don't want him to get so frustrated that he just goes out and buys another gadget.

[Anonymous]

Great advice thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Watch an episode of Hoarders together.

[Anonymous]

Surely you knew this before you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys in a condo or apartment? If so, do they have a little storage closet/area you can rent? If so, for the short term, use that and tell him he needs to move all of the stuff he doesn't use frequently in there. Then, when he doesn't use any of the moved stuff for a period of time, note that for him and ask if he can start removing things. It might take many months / a year for this to sink in to him, but he kind of needs an "aha! moment." My DH is a horrible clutter person but we actually made great progress when I made him box up stuff and put it in our unfinished basement (I'm talking music magazines that he may someday want to read again, etc.). Once he didn't even open those boxes for a year, I convinced him to throw them all out PLUS much more of his stuff. He is still programmed to keep random stuff, but now I just tell him I'm throwing things away and he doesn't protest unless it's something he really wants.

Once you have the baby, you are going to have SO MUCH MORE STUFF. He is just going to have to purge stuff to make room for the baby stuff. I would point out to him that the closet needs space for the three of you, that you've purged your stuff NOT to give him more space but to have space for the baby and tell him he either needs to find another place for the stuff (rental space like I mentioned) or get rid of some things.

Or you can win the lottery and have some massive storage facility

This is all good right here.

Very practical advice: What finally "clicked" for DH was stumbling across a graphic called "Unf*** your closet." Google it and send it to him. It goes step by step asking if you've worn the clothing in a year, if it needs a repair, are you going to repair it right now, etc to convince you that "no, really, you can get rid of that." He generated two big moving boxes of clothes using that graphic. A lot of it would apply to regular stuff too.

General advice: I have hoarders in my family, so I'm already pretty good about getting rid of clutter, despite having been programmed at some level to think everything has meaning and that getting rid of something someone (my hoarding relative) gave me means I'm essentially throwing away love. It's tough stuff. Does he have any of that going on in his family? Or ADHD, anything like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch an episode of Hoarders together.

No, don't. I tried this and it almost ended my marriage. I'm not exaggerating. Worst fight in 14 years together.

[Anonymous]

He's got some old family issues, parents physically abusive. He loves to shop and spend a lot of money. So he will by a pricey gadget and never use it and it's hard for him to get rid of bc he spent a lot of money on it. Also in general he is horrible at organizing. I just found a laundry basket filled with papers years old that he needs to "go through".