How to tell best friend who is struggling with infertility that I am pregnant

[Anonymous]

Fsh and I got pregnant first month of trying. Best friend since childhood has been struggling for 3 years including 3 failed ivf and one successful one that ended in miscarriage 2 weeks after pos test. How do I tell her in the easiest way possible? I love her and want to be sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Don't mention it worked the first month of trying.

[Anonymous]

This and wait as long as you can. Also talk about other things too so she knows you are not going to talk about your pregnancy all the time. I struggled with infertility and this is how I handled telling friends who were still unable to get pregnant. I very rarely talked about pregnancy with these people unless asked.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who had many issues, so I told her husband first. I let him tell me whether she was ready to talk.

And yes, do NOT mention the first month thing.

[Anonymous]

Agree with above. Also don't send the "we need to talk" text or just call out of the blue (if you don't regularly talk on the phone). Nothing depresses me more than those random calls or texts - it's like your heart sinks and you feel obligated to call back and hold on to your tears.

Also know that she may be upset for a few weeks and need some space... But it passes and she will be happy for you.

[Anonymous]

You might consider a note first.

[Anonymous]

"Hi, I wanted to tell you my news - I am expecting!"

She is your BF. She does not wish you ill. She will not be hurt. Sure, she wants that for herself too, but she is able to take other people'e good news. She will appreciate that you think her generous-hearted enough to be happy for you.

[Anonymous]

Tell her and acknowledge her pain - tell her you hope that it is her next. I had a good friend who got pregnant while I was struggling...she called me from the hospital after she got birth to tell me her son was here and soon it would be my turn. It meant a lot that she thought of me at a time like that. For those struggling with infertility ...just having the pain understood helps. Yeah - don't mention how easy it was ...yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hi, I wanted to tell you my news - I am expecting!"

She is your BF. She does not wish you ill. She will not be hurt. Sure, she wants that for herself too, but she is able to take other people'e good news. She will appreciate that you think her generous-hearted enough to be happy for you.

No no no no no no no.

[Anonymous]

Don't ever tell anyone you got pregnant in your first month. I think even fertile people will roll their eyes. I am glad you are asking this question. The honest answer is, you might lose your best friend for awhile or forever because while she cares about you, she might not be able to deal with your pregnancy. I am not saying this to be mean, but it is what happens. You are going to be on the "mom" island and you will never ever come back. This is a place she desperately want to be and might never get to. I hope your best friend gets pregnant as soon as possible; that is the only way I think it might be okay. Also, know this is about her and not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't ever tell anyone you got pregnant in your first month. I think even fertile people will roll their eyes. I am glad you are asking this question. The honest answer is, you might lose your best friend for awhile or forever because while she cares about you, she might not be able to deal with your pregnancy. I am not saying this to be mean, but it is what happens. You are going to be on the "mom" island and you will never ever come back. This is a place she desperately want to be and might never get to. I hope your best friend gets pregnant as soon as possible; that is the only way I think it might be okay. Also, know this is about her and not about you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Tell her you are knocked up, then move the subject along to something else. Then hang up the phone/leave her be for a few days to give her time to process the news. Make sure you express how important her friendship is to you and that you really need her on your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't ever tell anyone you got pregnant in your first month. I think even fertile people will roll their eyes. I am glad you are asking this question. The honest answer is, you might lose your best friend for awhile or forever because while she cares about you, she might not be able to deal with your pregnancy. I am not saying this to be mean, but it is what happens. You are going to be on the "mom" island and you will never ever come back. This is a place she desperately want to be and might never get to. I hope your best friend gets pregnant as soon as possible; that is the only way I think it might be okay. Also, know this is about her and not about you.

+1 and this is no time to brag. Brag to your other pregnant friends. I know you feel guilty (so easy for me, so hard for her) but it does not come across that way. Email or text with warning header. So embarrassing for your friend to cry when others are so happy.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at a lot of these answers. I think a lot of people are capable of being happy for a friend but sad for themselves, and managing to process both emotions well enough to maintain a friendship.

You know your friend best, OP. She may deserve more credit that most PPs are giving her. I would agree, though, to just break it to her over the phone (in person might be hard in case she needs to cry), be gentle, skip the first-month story, and ask when she's free to hang out and then let her decide if she wants to talk about your pregnancy right away or not.

Congratulations, by the way!

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP that's a shitty situation. My best friend was trying for 3 years when I got pregnant with an IuD in place. She knew I has an IUD and I waited to tell her until I knew my pregnancy would be ok due to the IUD. My friend is the type of person who would be a bit annoyed if I told her via email or a phone call.

So we met for coffee and I ordered something different from my usual overly caffeinated order. She knew right away and was such a good friend throughout the whole pregnancy from arranging my baby shower to crying with me when I found out there may be serious issues with the baby and DH was away on a trip.

We now both have 2 amazing and healthy kids (my tests were incorrect and she adopted). She admitted later it was tough on her at times, but in the end our friendship was more important to her. She just vented and cried to her husband and her infertility support groups.

Anyways OP, you know your friend and how she best receives difficult news. I thought id share my story since all too often we hear negative stories on this site!