What to do with boy who is being held back? (year before K)

[Anonymous]

I think we've decided to hold my son back and not have him enter Kindergarten next year. Our reasons are purely because of his social maturity, and not related to any academic readiness.

So now we're trying to figure out what to do with him next year. We've re-registered him with his same pre-school, which he loves,... but I do worry that he is going to be quite bored doing exactly the same 4-year-old curriculum next year. This school does not have a pre-K program.

So for those of you who have held your children back a year, what do you do with them?

Looking for a new preschool with a pre-K program could be a little tricky (both because I think I've missed several deadlines, and because his brother is already registered at his old preschool, so picking up/dropping off at multiple schools is tricky).

Has anyone just kept their child home? I worry about that because he needs the socialization skills. I'm wondering if its better to cobble some classes together and keep him home, or have him go to preschool and just skip one day a week so he can do something different... or what?

Any/all ideas are welcome.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't keep him home all year b/c the reason you are holding him back is b/c he needs to mature socially. He can't do that at home. Look for another preschool that has a licensed K program. There could be spots open since most people think "Why should I pay to send my kid to K when he/she can go for free in public school?" Do this now. Call around and explain what you are doing. I am sure you could find a spot somewhere. Maybe either school could help you with a carpool situation.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly what we did with our daughter -- we sent her to another preschool with a kindergarten program, that was a half-day program. It was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind, you already outlined the issue of social maturity as a reason for holding him back. Is keeping him around other kids who are essentially a year younger going to help with that?

[Anonymous]

To the PP. Did she have a hard time adjusting to the new school? Were the other K students in her class at the same preschool? I am thinking about doing what the OP is thinking about but I thought it might be hard to adjust at a new school where all of the other kids already know each other. I also wonder how hard it would be to adjust when my son goes to 1st grade at our local public school when everyone already knows each other from K.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the quick input...

Just to clarify, I'm not worried with him adjusting to a new school. I'm worried about how I'm going to be able to drop off and pick up my 3 year old at 9 and 12, and simultaneously drop off and pick up my (turning 5) year old at a different school at roughly the same time. There are two good pre-K programs that are pretty close to his other school, but they're both full with very long waiting lists.

As for the socialization, one of the reasons we think we're going to hold him back, is that if you put him in a room with kids of all ages, he would gravitate towards playing with the kids 6-12 months younger than he is. So its not necessarily even an issue of whether or not his social skills will "improve" by holding him back, or "improve" by being around younger kids. Its that that age group seems to be his comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

If he goes to public school, there is very little to socialize even in K. So I wouldn't worry it. If he seems ready academically, send him on time. Make sure he has free time after school to play w/ other kids or an unstructured activity. Talk to his K teacher ahead of time and explain your concerns. I am sure she will have some suggestions. My son likes playing w/ older kids but I wouldn't have him skip a grade in order to make it happen (even though he probably would do fine a grade ahead of his). Don't make him stay back a year b/c of logistics. Find a SAHM in your area and offer to barter. She can take your child to/from school while you take the little one to preschool. You can offer to run errands, babysit the kids once or twice a week for a few hrs for her. That is what my neighbors do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he goes to public school, there is very little to socialize even in K. So I wouldn't worry it. If he seems ready academically, send him on time. Make sure he has free time after school to play w/ other kids or an unstructured activity. Talk to his K teacher ahead of time and explain your concerns. I am sure she will have some suggestions. My son likes playing w/ older kids but I wouldn't have him skip a grade in order to make it happen (even though he probably would do fine a grade ahead of his). Don't make him stay back a year b/c of logistics. Find a SAHM in your area and offer to barter. She can take your child to/from school while you take the little one to preschool. You can offer to run errands, babysit the kids once or twice a week for a few hrs for her. That is what my neighbors do.

Talk about an obnoxious "do as I say, not as I do" post.

Besides, OP isn't asking for input on whether she should send her son to K this year -- she's already made the decision not to -- she's asking for suggestions as to how to handle his "gap year."

[Anonymous]

not sure a montessori would take him for just one year, but they are structured to allow kids to advance at their own pace. my son attends one and has kids 3, 4 and 5 (and maybe some 6 year olds) in his class right now. might be worth seeing if there are any where it would make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he goes to public school, there is very little to socialize even in K. So I wouldn't worry it. If he seems ready academically, send him on time. Make sure he has free time after school to play w/ other kids or an unstructured activity. Talk to his K teacher ahead of time and explain your concerns. I am sure she will have some suggestions. My son likes playing w/ older kids but I wouldn't have him skip a grade in order to make it happen (even though he probably would do fine a grade ahead of his). Don't make him stay back a year b/c of logistics. Find a SAHM in your area and offer to barter. She can take your child to/from school while you take the little one to preschool. You can offer to run errands, babysit the kids once or twice a week for a few hrs for her. That is what my neighbors do.

Talk about an obnoxious "do as I say, not as I do" post.

Besides, OP isn't asking for input on whether she should send her son to K this year -- she's already made the decision not to -- she's asking for suggestions as to how to handle his "gap year."

I was questioning the OP reasoning. She said that she is holding him from going to K for social reasons. She said he likes playing w/ younger kids. That's great. There is very little time for him to play in public K anyway. I wouldn't hold a child back for purely social reasons. If he is ready for what K has to offer (which is almost strictly academic these days), send him. It is her choice to make in the end but I was questioning the logic behind the decision. As everyone who reads these boards knows, people will offer their opinions whether or not they were asked. I also offered suggestions for what to do to make his "gap year" work logistically if that is what they end up doing.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and I appreciate your perspective 13:32, although I disagree.

Admittedly, this would be easier if the K teacher would speak to us and tell us more about what K really is like... but she refuses to speak to parents of prospective students. So we're taking our best guess.

In my particular son's case, his birthday falls a week before the cutoff date. So, he's either going to be in a class with kids a year older than him, or a year younger. We specifically put him in a preschool that shares the same cutoff dates as Ffx County this year, so we could see first hand how he did. We've seen it, and despite the fact that he's a nice kid, he does not play with ANYONE in his class. So, while we haven't made the decision officially yet, I'm strongly leaning towards waiting a year.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter's birthday is October 1st, so she literally was going to be the oldest or youngest in her class. We chose to keep her in school one more year (I'm the pp who sent her to another preschool's kindergarten class). It was a great decision for her, even though she was fully ready in every way to go on to regular kindergarten. It was not a problem being the "new kid" in the kindergarten class; there were several new kids. Even if there hadn't been other new kids, I find that kids at this age are very accepting of other children. If you reach out and schedule playdates, other parents will reciprocate and your child will have a busy social life. There may be some families that don't really seek out playdates with the new kids, but just ignore them. The kindergarten program that we went to was at quite an elitist "nursery school" and several of the parents had no interest in socializing with me or my daughter. I found it rather amusing, but harmless. I wouldn't have wanted my child to play with theirs at the country club anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I appreciate your perspective 13:32, although I disagree.

Admittedly, this would be easier if the K teacher would speak to us and tell us more about what K really is like... but she refuses to speak to parents of prospective students. So we're taking our best guess.

In my particular son's case, his birthday falls a week before the cutoff date. So, he's either going to be in a class with kids a year older than him, or a year younger. We specifically put him in a preschool that shares the same cutoff dates as Ffx County this year, so we could see first hand how he did. We've seen it, and despite the fact that he's a nice kid, he does not play with ANYONE in his class. So, while we haven't made the decision officially yet, I'm strongly leaning towards waiting a year.

I think it would be a HUGE red flag for me if the prospective K teacher refused to talk me me. This is a public school, correct? Have you spoken to the principal? I would also speak to his current preschool teacher more about WHY he doesn't play (or doesn't want to play) w/ the kids in his class. He is 4 and a half, right? This could indicate a problem. Does he play w/ anyone? Neighborhood kids? How many yrs did he attend preschool? Has he made any progress socially? Any developmental issues like speech delay? What does his current teacher think?

[Anonymous]

My son repeated his Pre-K class. We had several discussions with his teacher and we decided that it would be best. She assured us that she alternates her lesson plans in a two-year cycle, so he wouldn't be bored. He has been doing very well, hasn't been bored, and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Yes, its a public school. And yes, it bothers me (quite a bit) that the K teacher won't speak to us, but my understanding is that it is the principal himself who discourages (or disallows?) the K teachers from speaking to prospective parents. But by all accounts, this is otherwise a good school, and barring something more terrible, we're committed to sending our children there. I thought about calling the county offices, but I really don't want to make a huge stink over it lest I be labeled as "that parent" before my kids even start there. So for now, I feel the best course of action is to be disappointed and let it be.

The preschool teacher thinks he is just a little behind socially (probably coupled with a healthy dose of shyness that may or may not be related to his age), but I don't think anyone really knows what is going through his brain, or "why" he doesn't play. It seems he just doesn't know how to engage with other kids (his age and older), either that or he feels intimidated and doesn't want to engage with them. There are no other delays, he's very articulate, really bright (aren't they all!), coordinated, etc. He tends to gravitate towards the girls (if anyone) as he prefers more gentle types of play. He hates rough housing and really physical types of play.

He plays GREAT with his 2.5 year old brother. They are inseparable. And he has a little girl friend who is about 6 months younger than he is, and he plays great with her. But he really struggles to play with kids his age and older. This is his second year of preschool.