Drinking and family at the holidays

[Anonymous]

My parents are coming to my house (staying with us for 5 nights as they are flying from another part of the country) for Thanksgiving. My father was at one point an alcoholic and, like so many alcoholics, has to make the choice every day to not have a drink. He did go to a rehab program several years ago. This holiday will be my DH's first day off in a long time, and he will be excited to relax -- including having some beers and watching football, and having a drink with dinner. Frankly, with extended family - even my own - I would want to have a drink (or two) with dinner, too. My mother seems to think there should be no alcohol for anyone during the length of their stay. I want to be supportive, but that's a lot to ask, especially of my DH. If he can't have a drink in his own home during his day off, he sure isn't going to want to host my parents frequently. What to do?

[Anonymous]

1 year past rehab, yes... after that no.

They can get a hotel room if it is an issue.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation but with my mom. For many years after my mother got sober, we had no alcohol at any holiday (or otherwise) when she was around. Now, 7 years on, we do offer wine to other guests (usually extended family) but we have it off to the side and my immediate family (e.g., her husband, myself, my husband, etc.) still does not drink alcohol around her.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are Mormon which means I can't ever drink on any holidays. Its a bummer.

[Anonymous]

Cooler in the bedroom

[Anonymous]

My dad is in recovery and we get non alcoholic beer or cider for him. He's been sober much longer than your dad but it seems to work. He has something to hold in his hand when other people are enjoying their wine/beer. Doesn't remove the temptation but it does remove the awkwardness for someone who isn't very tempted but needs something to do when everyone else is drinking.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH have the day after thanksgiving off? Can you give him "permission" to hit a sports bar that day and do his drinking there instead of at your house? Recovery can be fragile and if it were me I would err on the side of acceding to the request for a dry household.

[Anonymous]

OP this is coming from your mom. One of the behaviors of a spouse of an alcoholic is to try to control situations. How about talking to your dad and hearing his thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Can your parents stay in a hotel? Five days is a long time to host anyone. It is not fair for your parents to make demands on other family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are Mormon which means I can't ever drink on any holidays. Its a bummer.

So are mine. We follow rules of whoever hosts. When they host, no drinking and of course no grumbling by us. When I host, we drink wine, etc. They graciously abstain and don't grumble.

Try it.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to not drink when you are an alcoholic. Your DH sounds selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are Mormon which means I can't ever drink on any holidays. Its a bummer.

So are mine. We follow rules of whoever hosts. When they host, no drinking and of course no grumbling by us. When I host, we drink wine, etc. They graciously abstain and don't grumble.

Try it.

This makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to not drink when you are an alcoholic. Your DH sounds selfish.

Please. If you can't control your drinking you need to hit an AA meeting and find a solution. DH is not selfish. It is his home.

[Anonymous]

Or you could do what my in laws do even though my mil is an alcoholic. They just keep boozing it up and now so does she. Nothing was worth any of them giving up their booze and good times. So sick.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you can't go without alcohol for a few days, that's a problem.

Have a drink once your dad leaves. I think your moms peace of mind and helping your dad stay sober is way more important than you and your dh drinking.