My Son's Grandma Is a BITCH!!!!

[Anonymous]

So my 15mths old son is spending time wtih his grandma (father's mother) in NY as I wanted to work some extra hours. Grandma had the nerve to phone me to let me know that I was under feeding my child. She went on to say that she took him out and someone made a comment that he looked under fed. I certainly believe that she is one one making the comment. His pediatrician never had any issue with his weight and if there was a problem I am sure that would of been brought to my attention.

Grandma believes that if my son wakes up at 2/3 a.m that he needs to get a cup of milk because he's hungry. Honestly my son sleeps throughout the night when he's with me and if he gets up he gets a sip of water and goes right back to sleep. Grandma says that now my son has gained weight and social services would of caught up with me because my child is malnourished. I was told by his doc that he gains weight the way a child should and kids can be picky so his weight was never an issue.

Please, does that make me a bad mother? I need some advice because I am about to tell Grandma how she was born!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my 15mths old son is spending time wtih his grandma (father's mother) in NY as I wanted to work some extra hours. Grandma had the nerve to phone me to let me know that I was under feeding my child. She went on to say that she took him out and someone made a comment that he looked under fed. I certainly believe that she is one one making the comment. His pediatrician never had any issue with his weight and if there was a problem I am sure that would of been brought to my attention.

Grandma believes that if my son wakes up at 2/3 a.m that he needs to get a cup of milk because he's hungry. Honestly my son sleeps throughout the night when he's with me and if he gets up he gets a sip of water and goes right back to sleep. Grandma says that now my son has gained weight and social services would of caught up with me because my child is malnourished. I was told by his doc that he gains weight the way a child should and kids can be picky so his weight was never an issue.

Please, does that make me a bad mother? I need some advice because I am about to tell Grandma how she was born!

You are not a bad mother and I am sure your child is just fine.

Grandma comes from a whole different era of parenting. She is probably old school and probably subscribes to tons of parenting ideals that are long extinct. Let it roll of your back and ignore her. She isn't up to date on parenting, she is not your child's pediatrician and she is not his mother.

[Anonymous]

niiice.

Lady, you need to take a deep breath. Your MIL (or, maybe you and the father are not married?), is playing parent to your son for presumably some semi-extended period of time, and presumably to help you out. And the worst thing she has said to you is she thinks he should eat more?

I have a news flash for you... ALL GRANDMAS THINK THEIR GRANDSONS ARE TOO THIN! It comes with the territory.

Instead of getting all pissed, why not say "thanks so much for looking after Junior... its a big help"

[Anonymous]

Just tell Grandma that the doctor isn't concerned and think DS is very healthy. Tell her forcing food or over eating causing issues later on.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she is out of line and as PP's have said, grandparents often worry far too much about weight. It's a generational thing. They grew up in a time when malnourishment was far more probable than obesity.


I'm sure your doctor gave you the baby's weight percentile. I would explain that to your MIL and let it go. After all, she is looking after your child to help you out.

[Anonymous]

that's what grandmas are for.

they're there to remind us to be god mothers.

keep your ears up... among all the sh!t she says, some day, maybe, a good warning may come up.

while she has noting good to say, don't worry.

live your life.

ps. tell hubby you're concerned about your kid's weight gain and see if he agrees.
when he gives his opinion tell him grandma raised the question... what will he say?

[Anonymous]

Please ignore the two posters of dubious English skills.

You know your child best. You had no issue with his weight until your MIL put that idea in your head. You cannot second-guess yourself based on someone who raised kids literally 40 years ago.

Trust your own instincts. Trust your doctor. If you feel that something is wrong, get advice from a doctor and possibly a nutritionist, not a grandma.

I'm sorry, but we assume these grandmothers are geniuses because they raised kids. But how different was it 40 years ago? A LOT! Solid foods at 2 weeks, sleeping on tummies, etc. They also don't remember a lot of what it was like.

I'd trust other current moms for advice and the doctor.

As for her behavior, just file it away and tell her that your son has been checked out by the doc and is fine. Be the bigger person and brush off her neuroticism. I would be concerned, though, that you will have a cookie monster on your hands when he gets back in town. I'm sure she's not following any of your feeding advice. Oh well, be grateful that your son is getting watched and spending time with his grandmother, even if she is a pain in the ass to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:niiice.

Lady, you need to take a deep breath. Your MIL (or, maybe you and the father are not married?), is playing parent to your son for presumably some semi-extended period of time, and presumably to help you out. And the worst thing she has said to you is she thinks he should eat more?

I have a news flash for you... ALL GRANDMAS THINK THEIR GRANDSONS ARE TOO THIN! It comes with the territory.

Instead of getting all pissed, why not say "thanks so much for looking after Junior... its a big help"

Not useful snark at all. "News flash?" Here's one: be less rude, and people might take your advice seriously.

[Anonymous]

I didn't take the News Flash post as snarky at all - thought she was just trying to make a point, especially since the point she was making was in OP's favor (your kid is not too thin, all grandmas think that way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:niiice.

Lady, you need to take a deep breath. Your MIL (or, maybe you and the father are not married?), is playing parent to your son for presumably some semi-extended period of time, and presumably to help you out. And the worst thing she has said to you is she thinks he should eat more?

I have a news flash for you... ALL GRANDMAS THINK THEIR GRANDSONS ARE TOO THIN! It comes with the territory.

Instead of getting all pissed, why not say "thanks so much for looking after Junior... its a big help"

I agree! My mother (who is very rational, reasonable and sensible person, and generally a wonderful mother and grandmother) was actually chasing my then-2year-old son with a spoon of something and shoving food in his mouth (I though I'd kill her!) My son was 90% for height and weight! Let is slide, if you can. But I totally understand how infuriating it must be for you!

[Anonymous]

I agree too, thank MIL for taking good care of DC and let it slide.

[Anonymous]

[google]niiice.

Lady, you need to take a deep breath. Your MIL (or, maybe you and the father are not married?), is playing parent to your son for presumably some semi-extended period of time, and presumably to help you out. And the worst thing she has said to you is she thinks he should eat more?

I have a news flash for you... ALL GRANDMAS THINK THEIR GRANDSONS ARE TOO THIN! It comes with the territory.

Instead of getting all pissed, why not say "thanks so much for looking after Junior... its a big help" [/google]

Did you read the part about how social services would have caught up with her, or the fact that she had observed that the baby was malnourished? Geez - that's a little more rude than you give the credit for.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who wrote the "snarky" post. I didn't interpret it as pro-OP at all. She throws in that "maybe you're not married" comment, then goes on to say "Niiice," "Lady, you need to...." and "News Flash." That last one just chafes my hide.

Why not just share your advice without being so rude about it? Those phrases are demeaning, imo. It wouldn't be that hard to say instead: "be grateful the grandma cares and is helping, all grandmas like to shove food down the kids' throats" without all that other judgmental garbage in there.

Sorry to be railing against windmills here (especially on this site), but the tone just bothered me.

[Anonymous]

As someone who is CONSTANTLY dealing with MIL, the only way to get a grip on this, OP, is to not give it a bit of power. Be gracious, kind, and loving. Say "You are clearly taking very good care of our son. Thank you for watching him so carefully." And leave it at that. You, me, and everyone else knows your son is fine. There is no need to justify/explain anything. This is the most mature path, therefore the hardest. But it is either this or feel angry, resentful, and bitter about it. Take the free help, be glad your son is spending this great time with his gmom, and take back the power!

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm 31 years old and MY grandma still tells me to eat more (and I still have baby weight leftover)- as she heaps on spoonfuls of food on to my plate everytime we are visiting. So, no OP, it won't stop any time soon.

Just let grandma know that that DC's doc. isn't concerned about weight and weight does, indeed, fluctuate, throughout childhood. Continue to be gracious that you have a considerate family member willing to help you out as frustrating as the situation is for you. Just let it roll off your back.