Considering going back to BigLaw -- talk me out of it

[Anonymous]

Currently a fed in a relatively family-friendly job (regular hours except on large cases). I have a possible opportunity to go back to BigLaw as counsel in a regulatory practice. Two school-aged children, stay-at-home spouse. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently a fed in a relatively family-friendly job (regular hours except on large cases). I have a possible opportunity to go back to BigLaw as counsel in a regulatory practice. Two school-aged children, stay-at-home spouse. Thoughts?

The only person I know still in biglaw with school kids and younger has a SAHD spouse. Its really hard otherwise I think if the other person is even working the normal 40-45. Not bad per se, but hard on the parents.

[Anonymous]

I am a former big law firm lawyer currently working for the federal government. I have toyed with the idea of going back, but have never pursued it because:

(1) I hated the law firm. I loved the work I was doing, but I could not stand the nonstop nature of the work. Always being "on," worrying about hours (either too many or too few), always being under the gun on deadlines, always having to deal with very demanding clients who understandably thought that the huge amounts of $ they spent meant they should get immediate service regardless of when they asked. I feel like I spent years where my life was slipping by. All I did was work or think about work. I was extremely stressed out.

(2) Now that I am no longer at the firm, I can leave at a decent hour and spend time with my family. I can have dinner with them without being preoccupied by some work thing. I can have a conversation with my spouse without checking my email every two minutes. I can concentrate on non-work things that are very important.

(3) I enjoy the work at my government job. The subject matter is exciting and intellectually stimulating. I like my colleagues. I enjoy doing more policy work instead of crazy litigation, counseling, and enforcement.

Obviously, the main negative of the government is the salary. I took a 50% pay cut to go to the government and, honestly, I am stressed about money. But I just shudder when I think of how my life was like at the firm. I am considering exploring in house counsel options as a compromise, but I am not sure I want to do that either.

I think you should take a hard look at why you left the firm. Really remember what it was like. Are you willing to go back to that? If you were not like me, maybe it's not a huge deal. I have friends who can shake things off more easily than I can. They are still at the firm ten, twelve years later. I just remember always, constantly being conscious of work. Even when I was not there or not doing work, I was thinking about it. That is just not the way I want to live my life - to me it's not living.

[Anonymous]

I recently left biglaw for in-house, and I'm also a regulatory attorney. Biglaw is definitely more hours (and a lot more money), but I would reach out to people you know in your industry. My experience is that regulatory was a lot fewer hours, and more predictable, than other types of law.

[Anonymous]

How long were you in biglaw before you left?

[Anonymous]

As the stay-at-home spouse to a Big Law partner, I think you need to talk to your spouse before you consider it. Big Law hours can take a real toll on the marriage, we have to put a lot more work into keeping our relationship in a good place because the extra hours can easily breed extra stress and resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a former big law firm lawyer currently working for the federal government. I have toyed with the idea of going back, but have never pursued it because:

(1) I hated the law firm. I loved the work I was doing, but I could not stand the nonstop nature of the work. Always being "on," worrying about hours (either too many or too few), always being under the gun on deadlines, always having to deal with very demanding clients who understandably thought that the huge amounts of $ they spent meant they should get immediate service regardless of when they asked. I feel like I spent years where my life was slipping by. All I did was work or think about work. I was extremely stressed out.

(2) Now that I am no longer at the firm, I can leave at a decent hour and spend time with my family. I can have dinner with them without being preoccupied by some work thing. I can have a conversation with my spouse without checking my email every two minutes. I can concentrate on non-work things that are very important.

(3) I enjoy the work at my government job. The subject matter is exciting and intellectually stimulating. I like my colleagues. I enjoy doing more policy work instead of crazy litigation, counseling, and enforcement.

Obviously, the main negative of the government is the salary. I took a 50% pay cut to go to the government and, honestly, I am stressed about money. But I just shudder when I think of how my life was like at the firm. I am considering exploring in house counsel options as a compromise, but I am not sure I want to do that either.

I think you should take a hard look at why you left the firm. Really remember what it was like. Are you willing to go back to that? If you were not like me, maybe it's not a huge deal. I have friends who can shake things off more easily than I can. They are still at the firm ten, twelve years later. I just remember always, constantly being conscious of work. Even when I was not there or not doing work, I was thinking about it. That is just not the way I want to live my life - to me it's not living.

This. This what's HUGE. Like OP, I left BigLaw, I have a couple of school-aged kids, and my spouse works from home. I know I could go back and make a ton more money. But I realized, now that I've been out of BigLaw for a handful of years, that so often I was never present, mentally, because of thoughts of billable hours and clients and marketing in my mind. On the nights I made it home to have dinner with my family (the local office I worked for was populated by fairly decent human beings, so it wasn't a rarity), I enjoyed it but at the same time hated the fact that, as soon as I put the kids to bed, I'd have to get back on the laptop and grind out some more billable hours.

Getting my life back, and ditching the little anxieties, has improved my health and outlook. I think my kids notice the difference, too, and I know my husband would be all, "WTF?" if I said I was thinking of going back.

[Anonymous]

How long/long ago were you there? I know (from people still there) that things got markedly worse at my firm after I left, in terms of emphasis on billing hours, and being available 24/7-- they do expect you to check your email first thing when you wake up, last thing before bed, and constantly in between.

A regulatory practice can be more predictable hours, but it can also be harder to bill the big hours that are expected.

Really don't do it unless you want less time with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the stay-at-home spouse to a Big Law partner, I think you need to talk to your spouse before you consider it. Big Law hours can take a real toll on the marriage, we have to put a lot more work into keeping our relationship in a good place because the extra hours can easily breed extra stress and resentment.

+1

DH working in Big Law has nearly destroyed our marriage. He is a very senior partner, but the work never stops. It is time our family will never get back. We are fortunate to have money, but it is not a substitute for a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the stay-at-home spouse to a Big Law partner, I think you need to talk to your spouse before you consider it. Big Law hours can take a real toll on the marriage, we have to put a lot more work into keeping our relationship in a good place because the extra hours can easily breed extra stress and resentment.

+1

DH working in Big Law has nearly destroyed our marriage. He is a very senior partner, but the work never stops. It is time our family will never get back. We are fortunate to have money, but it is not a substitute for a spouse.

I was going to say this, except DH is a newish partner. And from what I've seen it's good if you're planning on having an affair with someone you work with. DH's friend did this--I still haven't gotten over the shock, but his wife doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

I plan to return as a first-year associate after taking off more than twenty years to raise my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to return as a first-year associate after taking off more than twenty years to raise my children.

uhhh??? really, how did you swing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to return as a first-year associate after taking off more than twenty years to raise my children.

uhhh??? really, how did you swing that.

Do not worry about me, however those more than twenty years of child rearing trained me very well to work through the late evening hours/midnight/early morning when most of my colleagues are long retired and in bed. My particular law firm had a specialized need for an associate who is routinely willing to pick up and supervise the night shift work.

[Anonymous]

I hate these threads, only because going back to biglaw is my exit/pay for-college-plan!

Back to the drawing board. Lotto tickets? Herbalife?

[Anonymous]

(1) I hated the law firm. I loved the work I was doing, but I could not stand the nonstop nature of the work. Always being "on," worrying about hours (either too many or too few), always being under the gun on deadlines, always having to deal with very demanding clients who understandably thought that the huge amounts of $ they spent meant they should get immediate service regardless of when they asked. I feel like I spent years where my life was slipping by. All I did was work or think about work. I was extremely stressed out.

You can't get those years back. Ever, and they do slip past.