Grandparental rights, expectations, etc

[Anonymous]

I grew up with no living grandparents, and I never really felt the lack (or knew what I was missing, perhaps). Now we're expecting our first child, and it's made me wonder a couple of things. When I see people say things on these boards about "access" to grandchildren or how we need to preserve that relationship, part of me wonders why. What rights to grandparents really have? Or should they have? How much is for the grandparents' benefit and how much for the grandchildren?

(For the record, I fully expect and hope our parents will be involved with our child, just wondering about the philosophies people work under.)

[Anonymous]

I am against any notion that grandparents, or anyone else, has rights to a child besides the parents.

Every child could benefit from strong family ties and bonding with older generations, but no, grandparents have no right of access to grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

In Maryland grandparents can file for reasonable visitation. The court, as always, determines visitation based on what's in the best interest of the child.

All people, especially kids, benefit from healthy, close emotional ties with others, including grandparents. I would try my hardest to foster healthy relationships. If that weren't possible, I'd limit contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland grandparents can file for reasonable visitation. The court, as always, determines visitation based on what's in the best interest of the child.

All people, especially kids, benefit from healthy, close emotional ties with others, including grandparents. I would try my hardest to foster healthy relationships. If that weren't possible, I'd limit contact.

Troxel v. Granville, 530 US 57.

I had a close relationship with grandparents, but I don't think it's a requirement of a good upbringing. Some grandparents are deceased, some are bad people who should not be around children. Stable loving parents are the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

I had huge misgivings about my MIL (the only grandparent my child effectively has) before my child was born. Afterwards, I realized two things: free help is AWESOME; and more importantly, it's awesome to have someone who loves your child even a fraction as much as you do. That ended up cancelling out a lot of the negatives about MIL. Also, life can just get a little boring and small when you first have a - to the extent that grandma coming over for dinner is actually a welcome change!

[Anonymous]

In Virginia, a grandparent has no rights whatsoever unless the grandchild is being abused or neglected and a Virginia court decides to confer rights. Grandparents have tried to litigate the issue and none has ever won.

[Anonymous]

Wondering about what "rights" a grandparent has pretty much misses the point.

[Anonymous]

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

[Anonymous]

I had wonderful loving grandparents.They spoiled me ,took on wonderful vacations and really really helped my parents.Everyone only benefited from this relationship.But I do realize relationships differ.However in my opinion to reflect your relationship with your parents or IL is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

This made me tear up. Thanks for posting it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, a grandparent has no rights whatsoever unless the grandchild is being abused or neglected and a Virginia court decides to confer rights. Grandparents have tried to litigate the issue and none has ever won.

Props to you on the good grammar. Seriously!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, a grandparent has no rights whatsoever unless the grandchild is being abused or neglected and a Virginia court decides to confer rights. Grandparents have tried to litigate the issue and none has ever won.

In 1994, Sharon Bottoms lost custody of her son simply because she was a lesbian. Her mother (the grandmother) sued and won custody of the grandson. It was overturned on appeal and then the Virginia Supreme Court returned custody to the grandmother. There was no abuse or neglect by the mother. It's a sad chapter in gay lesbian parenting rights.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottoms_v._Bottoms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with no living grandparents, and I never really felt the lack (or knew what I was missing, perhaps). Now we're expecting our first child, and it's made me wonder a couple of things. When I see people say things on these boards about "access" to grandchildren or how we need to preserve that relationship, part of me wonders why. What rights to grandparents really have? Or should they have? How much is for the grandparents' benefit and how much for the grandchildren?

(For the record, I fully expect and hope our parents will be involved with our child, just wondering about the philosophies people work under.)

If grandparents are loving and nuturing, please let t BBC em see grandchildren because you sound like the DIL and daughter from hell.

[Anonymous]

It's not about rights really, but I think it is to the benefit of the child to be able to know the living generations of her/his family. My grandparents fought in WWII and the Vietnam war, grew up in the Depression, raised kids in the 50s & 60s - they have a unique set of stories to tell that give greater context to how our family came to be and the society we live in. That's enriching.

Also, the fact that they love your kids is huge. I feel 100% at ease with my parents watching my kids because I know how they treat children - I lived it! There will never be a more thoroughly vetted, highly recommended, more loving person to watch them. I realize lots of families have reasons why they can't rely on their parents to be caregivers to the kids, for even one hour, but I think supervised time with the grandparents is still worthwhile if they can be loving and warm to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, a grandparent has no rights whatsoever unless the grandchild is being abused or neglected and a Virginia court decides to confer rights. Grandparents have tried to litigate the issue and none has ever won.

Props to you on the good grammar. Seriously!

Seriously question: grammar or spelling? It's still pronounced "no one," right? And isn't "no one" just as legit to write?