Bullying prevalent. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Do you work on your child, helping him to manage or confront bullying? Or, do you remove the child from an atmosphere where bullying is the norm?

How much "character building" would you invest in before considering a move? What exactly would you ask of program administrators at an after school program?

My son is exhausted when he gets home on the days he participates in this program. I picked him up one day and was surprised by how loud the place was, lots of rough play too. How do I help him find a place for himself within this structure? It's an important life skill. I'm just afraid of the emotional cost to him. As a single mom, my concerns are routinely blown off, which doesn't help at all. I have no sense of how much is too much.

I have to advocate for my child, but don't want to interfere in his developing important ways of coping either.

Anybody BTDT?

[Anonymous]

OP - unfortunately, you won't be able to protect your child forever from bullying and life in general.

That said, if the bullying is of a physical nature, absolutely, intervene, including if that means removing him. If your DC is young, maybe enroll him in a martial arts class for confidence. Later, when DC is older, maybe enroll him in a real self-defense type class.

Other than that, you do have to teach your kid to stand up for himself. We've done a lot of role playing, talked about "what should I do/say if..." type scenarios. Speak up with confidence, etc..

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I am a little confused by your post. Is your child being bullied by someone, or a group of kids? Or is the after school program really loud, chaotic and disorganized? There is a big difference.

For tips on talking to your child about bullying, go to http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-you-can-do/parents/index.html.

[Anonymous]

How old is the kid? And what kind of behavior is going on?

It sounds like a chaotic environment, which I can imagine would be unpleasant for most kids, but that doesn't automatically equal bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you work on your child, helping him to manage or confront bullying? Or, do you remove the child from an atmosphere where bullying is the norm?

How much "character building" would you invest in before considering a move? What exactly would you ask of program administrators at an after school program?

My son is exhausted when he gets home on the days he participates in this program. I picked him up one day and was surprised by how loud the place was, lots of rough play too. How do I help him find a place for himself within this structure? It's an important life skill. I'm just afraid of the emotional cost to him. As a single mom, my concerns are routinely blown off, which doesn't help at all. I have no sense of how much is too much.

I have to advocate for my child, but don't want to interfere in his developing important ways of coping either.

Anybody BTDT?

What does the bolded sentence mean, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible that your child is an introvert who is just overwhelmed by all of this. Could you find a smaller program for him?

[Anonymous]

Days for elementary kids in after care get long. I got a PT nanny this year through care.com and it's worked out well. (I do not work for care.com, it's one of of a few services out there.) You could also try your local list serves, ask neighbors about a nanny share, try asking para educators. Some of them like to do PT nannying after school. It would be a bit more expensive (probably) but there are other options if after care is too exhausting for him.

[Anonymous]

Is your kid in aftercare? I agree with the PP that it can end up being too long of a day and the older kids can be overwhelming. Try to work out something with a sitter after school instead.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? What kind of program are you talking about? What kind of bullying behaviors is he experiencing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you work on your child, helping him to manage or confront bullying? Or, do you remove the child from an atmosphere where bullying is the norm?

How much "character building" would you invest in before considering a move? What exactly would you ask of program administrators at an after school program?

My son is exhausted when he gets home on the days he participates in this program. I picked him up one day and was surprised by how loud the place was, lots of rough play too. How do I help him find a place for himself within this structure? It's an important life skill. I'm just afraid of the emotional cost to him. As a single mom, my concerns are routinely blown off, which doesn't help at all. I have no sense of how much is too much.

I have to advocate for my child, but don't want to interfere in his developing important ways of coping either.

Anybody BTDT?

What does the bolded sentence mean, OP?

OP here. The male caregivers in the aftercare program admonish me about coddling him. They say I need to leave room for him to "become a man." They assume that I am overprotective.

My son is five years old, for goodness sake. Big for his age, sure, but still hardly able to manage himself in groups that go up to 8 and 9 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid in aftercare? I agree with the PP that it can end up being too long of a day and the older kids can be overwhelming. Try to work out something with a sitter after school instead.

OP here. I've arranged for him to have someone care for him twice a week. I can't afford a full week of this kind of one-on-one care. Would that I could...

But, back to the larger issue. Should I be removing him from this environment or teaching him how to handle it? He has not be physically assaulted, just teased, like everyone else in that environment. It appears to be the norm. He hasn't be exposed to this generalized unkindness before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid in aftercare? I agree with the PP that it can end up being too long of a day and the older kids can be overwhelming. Try to work out something with a sitter after school instead.

OP here. I've arranged for him to have someone care for him twice a week. I can't afford a full week of this kind of one-on-one care. Would that I could...

But, back to the larger issue. Should I be removing him from this environment or teaching him how to handle it? He has not be physically assaulted, just teased, like everyone else in that environment. It appears to be the norm. He hasn't be exposed to this generalized unkindness before.

IMO, if it were my 5 year old, I'd be removing him. Sure, if he was a teenager, or a middle schooler, he might have to learn how to handle it. But, at age 5, I don't think it's a necessity. You don't need to 'harden' him up so young!

I can see no benefit to 'generalized unkindness'. He's probably getting some of that at school already.

I highly recommend the book 'Hold On To Your Kids'. It was recommended to me on here and it's a good read that touches on some of this stuff.

I understand what you're saying, as the mom of a 6 year old boy. If you have other options, I'd go with that.

[Anonymous]

I understand what you're saying, as the mom of a 6 year old boy. If you have other options, I'd go with that.

I tend to agree, but, meanwhile, I realize that you may not have other options. Since you now have reduced the days, maybe things will improve.

[Anonymous]

Also, I would work on minimizing the behavior of the others. Try to make him think it is no big deal. Be sympathetic, but don't pity him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you work on your child, helping him to manage or confront bullying? Or, do you remove the child from an atmosphere where bullying is the norm?

How much "character building" would you invest in before considering a move? What exactly would you ask of program administrators at an after school program?

My son is exhausted when he gets home on the days he participates in this program. I picked him up one day and was surprised by how loud the place was, lots of rough play too. How do I help him find a place for himself within this structure? It's an important life skill. I'm just afraid of the emotional cost to him. As a single mom, my concerns are routinely blown off, which doesn't help at all. I have no sense of how much is too much.

I have to advocate for my child, but don't want to interfere in his developing important ways of coping either.

Anybody BTDT?

What does the bolded sentence mean, OP?

OP here. The male caregivers in the aftercare program admonish me about coddling him. They say I need to leave room for him to "become a man." They assume that I am overprotective.

My son is five years old, for goodness sake. Big for his age, sure, but still hardly able to manage himself in groups that go up to 8 and 9 years old.

Wait, what? An aftercare worker actually said that to you? Fuck that noise. No, I would not want my child exposed to that kind of nonsense. Really, how dare they?

Personally I would be having a conversation with the principal.