How do people afford kids?

[Anonymous]

DH and I spend a third of our net pay (after paying for health insurance and retirement) toward our mortgage, which is well within normal lending standards. Then by the time we pay a car payment, about $400/month in student loans, routine bills, groceries, put money toward savings, etc., it feels like there isn't a ton left. We are 30 and 35 trying for a family and people keep telling us that you just "make it work" when you have kids -- but I am stressed about swinging 2k a month on infant daycare on top of all the other costs of raising a kid.

I know we can tighten our belts and make it work by cutting back on things like traveling to friends' weddings, occasional happy hours, etc. But, I can't help but feel that with two graduate school educations and a HHI of 180k a year, we shouldn't just be "getting by" in order to start a family.

I was the first in my family to graduate college and my family lived very comfortably (nice house, vacations, college paid for, etc) off one in income earned by my dad who had just a HS diploma. It's kind of depressing how hard it is now to live a middle class life.

What do all you parents do to make it work? Please no snarky comments that we just shouldn't have kids. Having a family shouldn't be a privilege just for those who make 400k/year.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy!

[Anonymous]

Try living on one of your salaries and save the take home of the other.

[Anonymous]

you might have to cut back on the 401k contributions/savings for the next few years. Cut back on the eating out and vacations, find an in-home day care and it is do-able. Or you can move to a place with lower cost of living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try living on one of your salaries and save the take home of the other.

We've thought about that, but are both in stable positions that have a lot of growth potential in the next 5 or so years, so it doesn't make sense for either of us to leave the workforce. Plus, it's not like one of us makes $140 and the other makes 40k and could stay at home. Losing one income would be a fairly big hit.

[Anonymous]

We don't have a mortgage or student loans. That helps a lot. We also own rental properties that give us rental income and again, we don't have mortgages on.

Can you pay off your school loans faster? Get a better-paying job? Lower your expenses in any way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try living on one of your salaries and save the take home of the other.

We've thought about that, but are both in stable positions that have a lot of growth potential in the next 5 or so years, so it doesn't make sense for either of us to leave the workforce. Plus, it's not like one of us makes $140 and the other makes 40k and could stay at home. Losing one income would be a fairly big hit.

You misunderstood the PP. Don't quit either of your jobs. But for the next year, you live one just one salary. Bank the other one and live as if it doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

You purchased too much house / took out too much mortgage. You may think that 1/3 is well within normal living standards - but who ever told you that was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try living on one of your salaries and save the take home of the other.

We've thought about that, but are both in stable positions that have a lot of growth potential in the next 5 or so years, so it doesn't make sense for either of us to leave the workforce. Plus, it's not like one of us makes $140 and the other makes 40k and could stay at home. Losing one income would be a fairly big hit.

No, PP is saying to pretend as though one income doesn't exist. You budget for one income and bank the difference, so that when daycare costs come they aren't so painful.

I felt like you did. Our HHI is around $150k, and it was scary as all get out to see the dollars fly out the window towards baby expenses. Honestly, though...I don't have time/energy for any of my previous money spending activities anymore with an 8 month old! I used to have weekly hobbies, we'd take weekend getaways, we'd go on a nice vacation once or twice a year--all that is no longer. I also don't think we're going to have the extra $5k to fund each of our Roths this year, which makes me really uncomfortable, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

This is why people who have kids stop eating lunch in restaurants, stop getting highlights, wear shoes longer than they did before, stop buying one another lavish holiday gifts. you sacrifice. sucks but that's what it is.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, these are some great responses! I like the idea of trying to live as if we are earning less money. And PP is right, I probably won't be spending hundreds getting my hair done once I have kids. Things like $$ holiday/wedding gifts (and probably even charitable donations) will have to be cut. We will also have to slow down on things like buying furniture and can live with a few empty rooms for a while.

It helps to know that others have made it work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You purchased too much house / took out too much mortgage. You may think that 1/3 is well within normal living standards - but who ever told you that was wrong.

Do you live in DC?

[Anonymous]

Well something's gotta give. Most people move to the suburbs and pay less than 1/3 of their take home on housing and while you're out here in the burbs, infant childcare can be more like 1200-1400/month rather than 2k in the city.

That's what most people do, but some stick it out out in the city and stop contributing to their retirement or delay starting 529s for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You purchased too much house / took out too much mortgage. You may think that 1/3 is well within normal living standards - but who ever told you that was wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

1/3 of take home towards mortgage is insane. 1/4-1/5 is more standard.