Same ring?

[Anonymous]

If you decided to reconcile with your husband after an affair (him) and separation (over a year) would you wear the same wedding ring or expect a new one? Neither of us is wearing our rings at this time.

[Anonymous]

Same one.

[Anonymous]

Same.

[Anonymous]

DISplacement

[Anonymous]

Of course there are larger issues to deal with, but really, the ring that was once a symbol of commitment has become a reminder of broken vows. I have yet to return it to my finger, nor has he. Is it unreasonable to ask for a new ring as a sign of our new commitment to one another?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course there are larger issues to deal with, but really, the ring that was once a symbol of commitment has become a reminder of broken vows. I have yet to return it to my finger, nor has he. Is it unreasonable to ask for a new ring as a sign of our new commitment to one another?

IMO yes, it is unreasonable. And under the circumstances, this is really the least of your worries.

If the sight of the ring was that upsetting to me, I would take it to mean that the work we needed to do to repair the marriage was still very much underway. And I would consider buying e.g. an inexpensive silver or similar ring to wear instead of the original one.

[Anonymous]

I think a new ring would be kind of strange. After all, you did not divorce and remarry. Sure you separated but you are reviving the same marriage. If the old ring has that many bad associations with it that cannot be purged by your mutual interest in reuniting, then maybe you are not really ready to get back together. The new commitment means picking up where you left off and moving forward in a more positive way. Putting the ring back on the finger is a perfect symbol of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there are larger issues to deal with, but really, the ring that was once a symbol of commitment has become a reminder of broken vows. I have yet to return it to my finger, nor has he. Is it unreasonable to ask for a new ring as a sign of our new commitment to one another?

IMO yes, it is unreasonable. And under the circumstances, this is really the least of your worries.

If the sight of the ring was that upsetting to me, I would take it to mean that the work we needed to do to repair the marriage was still very much underway. And I would consider buying e.g. an inexpensive silver or similar ring to wear instead of the original one.

The new ring will do the same. It will remind you why you had to get the new ring. Perhaps you can have a ritual cleansing/blessing of the rings.

[Anonymous]

There are better ways to justify a new piece of jewelry.

[Anonymous]

You need a new ring. The diamond should be a minimum
of 50% larger than the first ring.

[Anonymous]

My DH cheated for about a year with a work colleague. We separated briefly. That was about 7 years ago. From the moment I learned of the affair, I haven't worn my wedding ring. I did keep it, but finally threw it away about a year ago. What the ring represented was completely broken as a result of his affair. DH still wears his ring and that's fine but, until we get new rings, I won't be wearing one. I'm sort of used to not wearing a ring, so not really in a rush to get one.

I understand how you feel, OP.

[Anonymous]

Y'all! She has named her price. Now will he pay it?

[Anonymous]

how about resetting the stone in a new ring? that way you have some of the old and something new.

[Anonymous]

How about no ring. If it were me I'd feel odd focusing on the symbolism of it, let alone wearing one. It was clearly meaningless before, why even bother? I'd just focus on making the marriage work. But that's me. I haven't walked in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are better ways to justify a new piece of jewelry.

Honestly, it comes down to dollars and cents. Can you afford a new ring? Mortgage trumps ring.