Private schools having parents call and ask for money??

[Anonymous]

So we are new to the private school world, and we are only attending because we received tremendous financial aid for LO to be able to go as we couldn't otherwise afford it. Anyhow, since day one it's been clear that the school is always trying to get more money. Given that we are only there through financial aid, I greatly appreciate it even though our contributions are clearly limited to smaller monetary amounts and then time (I am a room parent so have taken on many extra duties as such). However, we recently got a call from another parent asking us directly for a very large (to us) amount of money. We were caught off guard and said we'd discuss, and they said they'd follow up with us. This is SO uncomfortable! Why do they do this in such an awkward and direct way? It's like you either automatically get labeled as poor or cheap if you don't donate their requested sum. For me, I don't have trouble saying no, but dh feels very uncomfortable about this (and they called him). And of course, it's nobody else's business that we are there only through aid. Anyhow, kind of a vent/question I guess as to why this doesn't seem wildly inappropriate to others??

[Anonymous]

Wow. That's damned awkward! Who has tasked the parent with doing this??

OP, I hope people who respond to your thread might also be able to give suggestions about how to diplomatically decline the request without having to get into your whole financial situation.

[Anonymous]

DH did this for our school, although I don't think he ever suggested people donate huge amounts of money. I guess the schools ask parents to do this because their letter solicitations don't get a lot of responses. I agree, it's no fun for anyone.

They really care about the percent of families that participate. So you'll be helping with that measure by donating even a small amount.

I'd just say something like, "We have a tight budget right now but we're really eager to help because we know it goes to a good cause. So we're donating $XXX." The parent should accept that. If the parent tries to negotiate you up, that's really bad.

[Anonymous]

I have been on boards and used to work in the nonprofit world. This is par for the course for any charitable organization. OP, did you receive financial aid in college? I did - a lot of it - and also happened to work in the college's business office. Many colleges and independents can't function unless they raise money in addition to what they collect through tuition as well as generate through their investments.

The best advice I got in this area is to make a contribution which works for your family's budget at this time as well as what you anticipate for the near future. Anyone who does fundraising will ask you to increase it the next year - so don't stretch now. Your contribution can be nominal. The school's primary focus is getting 100% for every grade.

If you don't want to experience this, then you may need to look at a public, where you will also get asked to support the PSA etc. Even parents of modest means are expected to contribute $10-$100 for the annual fund.

[Anonymous]

I make the calls and they are awkward... But we have companies and families that will match funds and/or make donations if we get a certain percentage of families donating ... so $25 is a bigger deal than you think it is.

Just say, yes we plan to donate this year but don't know how much yet and will donate online. The callers get updated lists so they should stop calling if you donate something.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the last poster. Percentages are huge and by the way, it is part of the culture at independent schools. You yourselves are on financial aid, which is money donated by other generous families. They want you there but a token gift would be nice. These are nonprofits who really need the money and the parents call to add a personal touch to the ask. This I coming from a mom at two different privates.

[Anonymous]

OP, as soon as I hear that the school is taking donations for the Annual Fund, I whip out my check book (well, I do it online these days). If you donate early you don't get a phone call. We also get substantial financial aid so our donation is small, but as several PPs have pointed out, the school is looking for participation.

[Anonymous]

OP here-- Thanks for the info and tips, especially to just go online and donate directly to avoid more awkward calls! DONE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make the calls and they are awkward... But we have companies and families that will match funds and/or make donations if we get a certain percentage of families donating ... so $25 is a bigger deal than you think it is.

Just say, yes we plan to donate this year but don't know how much yet and will donate online. The callers get updated lists so they should stop calling if you donate something.

I admire you for making the calls. It is a thankless job.

[Anonymous]

Was this SSSAS and did they ask for at least $3500? Because they called me last night and did just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the last poster. Percentages are huge and by the way, it is part of the culture at independent schools. You yourselves are on financial aid, which is money donated by other generous families. They want you there but a token gift would be nice. These are nonprofits who really need the money and the parents call to add a personal touch to the ask. This I coming from a mom at two different privates.

I agree with this. It is the culture of the private school world. As a DH, I made some of those calls for the capital campaign, but never set a price. There is tremendous pressure on those making the calls to get 100% of the parents in a particular grade to donate SOMETHING. I was down to the point where I would have put in $5 for the remaining two families myself to get the 100% but they kept saying they would and then never sent in a check. Just a token amount will get the caller off the hook. Same with other fundraisers like the Sally Foster holiday wrapping party, the book fair, the car washes for the orchestra, the cake sales. Just try to put in a minimum. I do understand where you are coming from; just be prepared for a LOT of this during your private school years.

[Anonymous]

Every private school has a gap, which is the difference between what tuition brings and what they spend per student. In this area, there are enough families that could afford tuition + gap. Schools choose not to raise tuition to cover the gap, and instead go through the rigmarole of calling every parent, many alumnae, grandparents, etc to raise funds to close that gap.

This allows private schools to have a lower price and more families to consider sending their children. For families like ours, the difference between 30K and 35k would really have given us pause, since even 30K puts stress on our finances. The gap could also be closed substantially at most schools by giving no financial aid. Instead, schools fundraise and are able to increase the socioeconomic diversity of their student population.

I have grown to consider this something we should be very proud of in terms of the private school culture. Ther are definitely many families at each of our schools that give more than they need to to help cover many of the rest of us that can't. We give as much as we can, and I'm thankful to all the other parents that do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this SSSAS and did they ask for at least $3500? Because they called me last night and did just that.

No, but similar amount!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the development office did not do a good job of weeding out prospects for the person to call.

They know who has the potential to give high amounts and who doesn't, even those new to the school.

Sounds like the school needs ot do a better job of giving those making calls prospects for the higher levels.

[Anonymous]

From my experience, most do not give high dollar amounts. So don't think that everyone gives a million while you are stuck donating under $100. Participation is the important part.