Shallow question re: relationships and dating
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Anonymous
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I used to think I don't care about looks. But my views are being challenged significantly these days. I'm seeing someone, and we're getting pretty serious. I almost didn't go out with him because he is not really my physical type, nor is he really attractive, per se. But after our first date, you can definitely feel the chemistry and I enjoyed his character. So I kept going.
One of my younger friends comments non-stop on how he's not "doable" and "not attractive" and that no wonder he's trying to "lock me down" because "no one else would sleep with him," etc. Now, he is about 6 years older, and he is not necessarily the handsomest. But he's OK. He dresses alright, calls himself fit (he does exercise) but the man is pudgy  But I like him, a lot. I am attracted to him, despite this. Until I hear her in my head and then I start wondering why I am finding him attractive and start getting her in my head. I know I look good, I know I'm not the hottest or greatest there is. I don't expect super hot guy for a BF. But this is making me wonder, is she right? Am I settling? I expect a partner/bf that is attractive to me. Not to the world. Then why is it that I hear her in my head non-stop and start seeing his flaws vs. the fact that I actually like him with his flaws?
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Anonymous
| It is extremely insensitive for your friend to talk like that about the guy you are dating! You seem to really like him and enjoy his company. Keep the guy - lose your friend! |
Anonymous
| We all get older and less attractive, unless we work at it. If he makes you happy and will keep you interested, who cares what a younger friend says. And who know, he could surprise you. My husband of 12 years just did an Iron Man and is hotter than when we first started dating! Plus he's just a wonderful wonderful person. |
Anonymous
| How is he in bed? |
Anonymous
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I am the PP you said you should lose your friend.
Just wanted to add: I have dated a lot (since my divorced was final in February) and I have not met anyone I have a connection with. It is so hard to meet someone you connect with. I would kill to be in your shoes! Guaranteed - if you stop dating him you WILL be really sorry! |
Anonymous
| Tell your friend to shut her mouth. "Larla, I like him. Stop being so superficial. I don't want to hear your shit about looks any more. Either be a supportive friend of my relationship or don't talk at all about it." |
Anonymous
Sounds like she is trying to undermine your relationship. How's her love life working out for her?
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Anonymous
| It's all about whether you enjoy his company. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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You said you're attracted to him. Done. Over. Who the hell cares what your nitwit friend says. I agree with PP, shut that crap down.
I can tell you that I dated someone once I considered way out of my league. This man was drop dead gorgeous. Women would hit on him right in front of me. I thought I had hit a major jackpot. But as time went on, I realized he wasn't all that nice to me. And kind of dumb. And he became less and less attractive to me. We split. Skip ahead many years, I was telling this story to a friend in a similar situation to you and I pulled up his picture to show her how attractive this guy was and to make the point that even this hot guy became sort of ugly to me. Lo and behold he hit the wall. HARD. Looks fade. How that person makes you feel, good or bad, will not fade. That's what you need to pay attention to. Ditch the friend. Keep the guy. |
Anonymous
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Your friend is an idiot. Don't let an idiot spoil things for you.
Are you attracted to him? If yes, then nothing else matters. |
Anonymous
+ 1!! Never Ina zillion years would I insult a friend's partner or even someone they're dating superficially. What in the world are her motives? I would drop her immediately and keep the guy, who it sounds like you have a great connection with. Your friend's comments only reflect poorly on her, not your guy. |
Anonymous
| I'll be honest, in an ideal world you should be attracted to someone who is physically, emotionally, and mentally attractive to you. If you get all three you hit the lottery. But to be honest, the physical part for most folks is what keeps a marriage together. If you don't try to be attractive in this way for your partner, the once lovely relationship will cease to be. You will feel a strong regret for your commitment. I am sure I will get some snarky comment about saying this, but looking towards your future is important too. Attractive people get further in life. Take two attractive people, make a baby, and you have little to worry about other than being a good parents and instilling values and mindset. Just throwing out my 2 cents. Good luck "dating down". I am sure I just struck a nerve... |
Anonymous
You think the physical part of relationship is more important than the emotional part? |
Anonymous
+1 I was recently talking about a guy to someone and she commented that he's now bald and had gained weight. Guess what? I still think he's sexy as hell. If he wanted to take me out, I'd jump at the chance. Your friend is younger, you said? How's her dating life? |