Finding that sweet spot

[Anonymous]

There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the wife but I'm in your boat. Sadly, the solution for me has been to take what sex is offered at home and then supplement as the occasion arises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

That's a terrible situation. What are you trying to do to improve it? The employee in that situation would be looking for ways to improve the situation, either internally (developing more skills, trying to find a different position within the organization) or externally (considering other job offers). I totally sympathize with your situation, but until you have exhausted what you can reasonably do -- i.e., getting in good shape, being more direct with your DW about your needs and expectations on a more than annual basis -- complaining on line is not productive, and indeed is worse than productive because it seems like action but isn't. Marriage does not excuse anyone from the reality of the sexual market; work on yourself to improve your options either within or outside of your current organization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the wife but I'm in your boat. Sadly, the solution for me has been to take what sex is offered at home and then supplement as the occasion arises.

+1 Why do husbands/wives who are unfaithful by withhold sex/intimacy don't own up to their responsibility, but are quick to play the 'you cheated/had an affair' when their spouses remain true to their natural desires and go elsewhere for comfort. I am not one for promoting infidelity, but the spouse who withholds sex/intimacy was unfaithful in the first instance!

Unfaithfulness = Infidelity is an equation, not an inequality!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

That's a terrible situation. What are you trying to do to improve it? The employee in that situation would be looking for ways to improve the situation, either internally (developing more skills, trying to find a different position within the organization) or externally (considering other job offers). I totally sympathize with your situation, but until you have exhausted what you can reasonably do -- i.e., getting in good shape, being more direct with your DW about your needs and expectations on a more than annual basis -- complaining on line is not productive, and indeed is worse than productive because it seems like action but isn't. Marriage does not excuse anyone from the reality of the sexual market; work on yourself to improve your options either within or outside of your current organization.

OP here. Believe it or not, I didn't write my post thinking that it would cause a magic turnaround. I wrote it to vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

That's a terrible situation. What are you trying to do to improve it? The employee in that situation would be looking for ways to improve the situation, either internally (developing more skills, trying to find a different position within the organization) or externally (considering other job offers). I totally sympathize with your situation, but until you have exhausted what you can reasonably do -- i.e., getting in good shape, being more direct with your DW about your needs and expectations on a more than annual basis -- complaining on line is not productive, and indeed is worse than productive because it seems like action but isn't. Marriage does not excuse anyone from the reality of the sexual market; work on yourself to improve your options either within or outside of your current organization.

estúpido

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

That's a terrible situation. What are you trying to do to improve it? The employee in that situation would be looking for ways to improve the situation, either internally (developing more skills, trying to find a different position within the organization) or externally (considering other job offers). I totally sympathize with your situation, but until you have exhausted what you can reasonably do -- i.e., getting in good shape, being more direct with your DW about your needs and expectations on a more than annual basis -- complaining on line is not productive, and indeed is worse than productive because it seems like action but isn't. Marriage does not excuse anyone from the reality of the sexual market; work on yourself to improve your options either within or outside of your current organization.

OP here. Believe it or not, I didn't write my post thinking that it would cause a magic turnaround. I wrote it to vent.

And vent you must! That PP is obviously someone who blames someone else for everything instead of taking responsibility. Intimacy with your spouse should never be conditional on anything you do, or what shape you are in! It should be an unconditional expression of affection, and if it does not happen, you are legally, and reasonably justified in going elsewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a school of thought that bosses find the salary which, if they imposed it on their employee, the employee would quit; then the boss pays $1 dollar more than that. I've come to realize that my wife is doing that to me with sex. She found that sweet spot. And sadly, while a boss would have to give the employee raises over time, my wife offers me less sex. She can get away with that because I love our children and a divorce would be too damaging. Just last night we had another I-know-we-need-to-have-more-sex talk. They happen once every year or so. But I now realize that they don't lead to more sex either; they're just lip service to the unrealistic idea that she wants to want to have sex with me. But if she actually wanted to have sex with me, we wouldn't talk. We'd just have sex. I'd like to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just fucking miserable.

That's a terrible situation. What are you trying to do to improve it? The employee in that situation would be looking for ways to improve the situation, either internally (developing more skills, trying to find a different position within the organization) or externally (considering other job offers). I totally sympathize with your situation, but until you have exhausted what you can reasonably do -- i.e., getting in good shape, being more direct with your DW about your needs and expectations on a more than annual basis -- complaining on line is not productive, and indeed is worse than productive because it seems like action but isn't. Marriage does not excuse anyone from the reality of the sexual market; work on yourself to improve your options either within or outside of your current organization.

OP here. Believe it or not, I didn't write my post thinking that it would cause a magic turnaround. I wrote it to vent.

And vent you must! That PP is obviously someone who blames someone else for everything instead of taking responsibility. Intimacy with your spouse should never be conditional on anything you do, or what shape you are in! It should be an unconditional expression of affection, and if it does not happen, you are legally, and reasonably justified in going elsewhere!

+ a million.

and I seriously hope PP is a woman b/c this post gives me hope that there indeed are reasonable and sane women who post on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't want a divorce, you need to start cheating on your wife ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the wife but I'm in your boat. Sadly, the solution for me has been to take what sex is offered at home and then supplement as the occasion arises.

Yep I'm another wife not getting it enough. I've just resolved to make the rest of our relationship 100% perfect. And it is!

Stop being a whiny bitch and get on with your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the wife but I'm in your boat. Sadly, the solution for me has been to take what sex is offered at home and then supplement as the occasion arises.

Yep I'm another wife not getting it enough. I've just resolved to make the rest of our relationship 100% perfect. And it is!

Stop being a whiny bitch and get on with your life!

OP here. Sounds like your husband found your sweet spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the wife but I'm in your boat. Sadly, the solution for me has been to take what sex is offered at home and then supplement as the occasion arises.

Yep I'm another wife not getting it enough. I've just resolved to make the rest of our relationship 100% perfect. And it is!

Stop being a whiny bitch and get on with your life!

OP here. Sounds like your husband found your sweet spot.

OP, you da man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want a divorce, you need to start cheating on your wife ASAP.

Or if you DO want a divorce ...

[Anonymous]

I'm another female who can't go along with little to no sex. It sounds like you've already pleaded with your wife. Your remaining options are separation or finding that intimacy elsewhere.

Affection and intimacy is a basic human need. She is betraying you by denying you. Tell her that.

[Anonymous]

Just curious OP, how much (or little) sex is there? What's her reason ?