Is this what it feels like to let yourself go?

[Anonymous]

I know what it looks like but how does it feel? I think I have let myself go mentally, but I can't seem to change my attitude. I used to be very health conscious. I ate well and exercised regularly. I subscribed to Health magazine and Runners' World because I loved reading about the latest research and fads related to healthy living. I read Dr. Weil's books like the Bible. My appearance was important to me. I always got my haircut regularly and made sure I looked decent before going out the door.

Now I don't even look at myself in the mirror before I go out. I stopped wearing make-up and tweezing my eye-brows regularly. I gave up flossing. I haven't cut my hair in six months. I put a lot more junk food in my mouth. I skip meals. I don't drink enough water. I haven't exercised all winter. Know what I mean? I'm aware of the changes in my behavior and attitude, but I just don't care. I want to be the way I used to be - I want to care - but I just don't.

Is this a common occurrence after having children? It's the only thing in my life that has changed.

By the way, I am not depressed.

[Anonymous]

does it really matter? if it doesn't, then it doesn't and you should stop caring or wanting to care.

if it does matter, then get a move on.

i'm more apt to believe that your priorities have changed and you've become less image obsessed... but if you feel bad about it, then find a middle ground between what you are now and what you were then.

[Anonymous]

I would reinstate the flossing.

[Anonymous]

Hah! I feel the same way! I still have 8lbs or so to lose from my pregnancy and my son is 17 months old. I used to work out constantly was very thin, everything you say above. Then I was home for 13 months after DS was born-I did lost alot of weight since I gained 60 lbs total and lost around 30 at birth, but come on! I just went back to work in Nov and that has helped with some of the make-up and clothes stuff but it has made it worse with exercise. Now, I would have to get up at 5am to fit a workout in and be at work by 8:30am. At night I want to see my family and am tired and hungry. I often just would rather sleep. Before baby I regularly got up at 5am and worked out for 2 years-I just can't seem to find the drive anymore. I feel like I have become a frumpy mom with the extra 10 lbs that I always dreaded becoming. sigh.

[Anonymous]

OP i totally understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth (gross, I know!) until DH gets home...

I think it's sort of along the lines of what PP said, that your priorities have changed.

I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that haven't seen the light of day for nearly 2 years because of my pregnancy and now being a SAHM. My hair is longer than it was in college because I have no time to get it cut. And if I weren't chasing after my 10 month old boy, I'd swear I'd be 30 pounds overweight thanks to the not so healthy eating habits I've picked up.

In my pre-baby life, I had a demanding job, but I also had an assistant and a full staff to help me get it done. Plus, at the end of the day, there wasn't a real life on the line.

Now, I'm making decisions that will impact him for the rest of his life pretty much solo because DH is away at work and no other help so to speak (unless you count the cleaning lady 2x a month).

I hear you. It's hard, but I'm hoping that as soon as DS can walk and talk I'll be in a better place...or with my luck, prego again.

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah, I think there has definitely been a shift in priorities. I am meticulous in my attention to DC. It's just that I never thought I'd be the type of person who would be so quick to neglect my own needs. I mean, I guess I thought I'd neglect myself to a certain degree, but I thought I'd still WANT to do it all. I don't. And here I am on the computer when I could be flossing my teeth.

[Anonymous]

frankly, i don't think there's anything wrong with being more concerned about your kid than your clothes.

but if you're feeling down about it.... you will eventually have more time for yourself so you can think more about how to do your hair for a trip to the grocery store. (hello kindergarten!)

[Anonymous]

I get that your priorities have shifted, that cannot be helped, regardless of how much you think it won't going in. But it sounds like your pendulum has swung from one extreme to the other, as I think you were a bit obsessed when you were on the healthy end of things, too.

Try to take a few steps in the other direction. Definitely agree on the flossing. Maybe get a haircut. Do a few things for yourself, whether or not you care at the moment, and see how they make you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:frankly, i don't think there's anything wrong with being more concerned about your kid than your clothes.

but if you're feeling down about it.... you will eventually have more time for yourself so you can think more about how to do your hair for a trip to the grocery store. (hello kindergarten!)

No, it's the big picture. I've never really been into clothes. It's about taking care of myself and being healthy. I really hope you weren't suggesting that I or anyone for that matter (well, I guess there are a lot of dirt bags out there...) would ever be more concerned about my clothes than my kids. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:frankly, i don't think there's anything wrong with being more concerned about your kid than your clothes.

but if you're feeling down about it.... you will eventually have more time for yourself so you can think more about how to do your hair for a trip to the grocery store. (hello kindergarten!)

No, it's the big picture. I've never really been into clothes. It's about taking care of myself and being healthy. I really hope you weren't suggesting that I or anyone for that matter (well, I guess there are a lot of dirt bags out there...) would ever be more concerned about my clothes than my kids. Sheesh.

I'm not the PP, but honestly, I think it's not a matter of whether anyone would choose to care about one over the other. For me, at least, the decision is made for me every day. I simply don't have any time, energy or money left over after i finish taking care of my kids to spend any on myself. They demand it of me, so it's not a choice. I also used to eat exclusively healthy, organic and delicious food, was totally fit and had everything in my environment EXACTLY the way I liked it before they came along. I was looking forward to being a senior citizen so I can have everything 'just so' again so thanks for the reminder that kindergarten will come a lot sooner than old age. (I also realized recently that it had been quite a while since I flossed which is very, very gross. thanks, OP, for admitting that.)

[Anonymous]

I pay attention to my son (well not meticulous), but I also pay attention to my appearance. I want to resemble somewhat physically what my husband married.

No flossing? Junk food all the time? No, I have not does this and have not let myself go. It feels nice to be showered, plucked, well dressed, and with some mascara on. It only take a few minuets. It is not an either/or decision. You can care for your child and take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about appearance. If you don't want to wear nice clothes or put on makeup, who cares? My suggestion would be to think about health and make small goals.

Like, I will floss my teeth every night. I will try to take a walk a few times a week. I will eat less junk food, etc.

For me, it's unrealistic to think I can go back to life before baby when all I had to worry about was me (and my husband but he's a responsible grown man). But, for the most part I still take care of myself - getting as much sleep as I can, trying to walk and workout a few times a week, prepping healthy meals ahead on weekends so I don't have to think about it during the week. Packing healthy snacks for work. Filling up my water bottle. Flossing. Nothing major.

[Anonymous]

I do care what I look like and although I don't spend an enormous time in front of the mirror, I do look pretty when I leave the house. But I also work, and have to take care of myself. I wear minimal make-up but enough to feel good, and style my hair.

Are you working or at home? When I was on maternity leave, I didn't feel like "fixing myself up" because I was home all day.

[Anonymous]

It's hard! Very hard to make time for yourself. But, ask yourself this.

Would you move hell and high water to make sure your kid gets into a doctor at a moment's notice? Do you bend over backwards to keep your baby bathed, nails clipped, make sure he/she eats well and healthy? If so, why would you not do the same for yourself?

I am NOT the same (in terms of shape, clothes, etc.) as pre-baby. But I found I was always putting myself last. That had to change. I feel so much better when I'm pedicured, tweezed, worked out and wearing UTD clothes. I don't do them as regularly -except for working out which I do regularly- but I've forced myself to make some me time. And, am much happier for it.

[Anonymous]

OP I am kind of in the same boat but I fully intend to get back to looking after myself. I have a toddler and am expecting in a few weeks. Aside from the fact I can only squeeze a shower in every few days, I have no time to actually do my hair or put on make-up. I do try to get some lip gloss on and mascara - makes a huge difference. Of course my hair hasn't been cut in a year and is multi-colored because I stopped highlighting it. My nails look like they belong to a rabid 2 year old and my feet have enough dry skin on them that I think my DH could use them to sand the walls if he needed to. My closet is full of size 2 clothes that I spent a fortune on pre-pregnancy but now I am a size 12 in maternity clothes.

I mean, why bother getting dressed up when you are just going to get milk, yogurt, wet cereal and boogers on your clothes.

I also fully believe if I wear the same comfy sweat pants every day I have less laundry to do which means more time with my family. So I am actually doing everyone a favor. Plus when I am uncomfortable, everyone is.

Think of this as a phase. It will get better and it will end sooner than you know... It's a sacrifice that you're making, you haven't lost it, you just have to reallocate time and energy to more important things right now.