Dating - I am 40
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Anonymous
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I am a 40 year old divorced woman with two children. For the past eight months I have been actively dating to try to find someone I have a connection with to spend time and hang out with. I am not necessarily looking for a long term relationship but I certainly would not oppose it if I met someone I liked. I have been on quite a few dates and am really struggling to find someone I 'like'. I am attractive so initially I do have not have too much of a problem finding someone to go on a date with (online) however, I haven't felt any kind of connection with anyone. I am dating a wide variety of people and don't think I am too selective but am finding myself frustrated because I would really like to meet someone.
Not sure what I am looking for exactly so maybe this is just a vent. Anyone relate? |
Anonymous
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If you had a blog, I would totally read it. Dating as a divorced mom with two children? Yep. I'd read that. Daily. I can't imagine what it's like out there, even as I prepare to enter the dating world myself...at some point. Vent away. |
Anonymous
Any man or woman who is reasonably attractive and sociable can find a date but do you want quantity or quality? Also, are you giving people, including yourself a chance? I categorize first dates three ways: 1) wow, 2) want to learn more about them - has potential, and 3) no way. #1 is very infrequent on anyone's life. #2 you don't want to cut off. |
Anonymous
Op here. Definitely want quality - I am not a serial dater. I would prefer to date only one person instead many. I feel I have given some of the guys a chance and have been on more than one date with a few of the guys to see if there was anything there. I am fully aware that I myself would be coming into a new relationship as not an 'ideal' partner for many people: divorced, kids. In fact someone who initially contacted me didn't want to meet me in I guess my point is that |
Anonymous
| Op here: sorry, I didn't expect it to be so hard to meet someone. |
Anonymous
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My wife and I met when we were older, doing something we both liked. That's my suggestion -- don't focus on dating as much as getting out there and doing what you like. Do what you like and you get energetic, people notice, including quality men.
No we didn't have kids and I know that's an issue -- you see my point though. |
Anonymous
[/b] That got butchered: Should have read: Someone who initially contacted me did not want to meet me in the end because of my kids (didn't know why he bothered to contact me to begin with as he knew I had children). |
Anonymous
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I am male, early 30s, and still have the same problem. I think we as divorcees tend to over think things because we have 'been there done that' instead of being fair to the process and giving it a chance to play out.
Having said that, my best connection has been with two divorced women. The first (an English girl) didn't work because of classic British inferiority complex/insecurities. The second (Spanish-American)....we have just started talking, seems OK so far  Neither has kids though, so the dynamic may be different.
My point is, you may only have the following options: 1. Remain single 2. Remain single, but have a FWB to take the pressure off. 3. Look for divorcees. Bonus if you can find a divorced younger male who has 0-1 kid; or an older male who has +1 kids, but just wants a younger woman than his ex to get on with. 4. Options 2 and 3 above are not necessarily mutually exclusive. In other words, don't be afraid of letting things start of as FWB because divorcees tend to not want to build expectations (too quickly). Good luck. |
Anonymous
| As a divorced dad who has been dating someone for about a year (she also has kids), my advice is to take things slow. My SO and I knew each other for about three months before dating. What we really wanted was an adult to talk to and share things about life, work, kids, interests and it evolved from there. If you are doing online, it tends to be an audition. |
Anonymous
How did you meet? |
Anonymous
| Single Mom here, I've been dating for 6 months in my early 30s. I went through many frogs online and through other venues. I finally found someone fantastic. I was very clear what I wanted, however, marriage. Like you, I don't feel a connection often. I think my experience also only makes me more detached until someone shows they are truly interested. Anyway I want to encourage you to keep dating or join a social group (Meetup, etc). |
Anonymous
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Don't give up. I'm a divorced mom of two. I have been in a relationship a little over a year. A great guy so it happens.
If possible, try to plan your dating so that you don't have to make a big deal out of childcare. Initially, I hardly ever told my guy that I couldn't see him because of child-related issues. I just said "Oh, I'm busy." (which was true --I was busy parenting) and proposed a better time. |
Anonymous
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Divorced mom of two and been this way for 5 years. I've been dating someone for over a year now. I'm early 40s, he's late 40s, we both have kids. I had a bunch of 3-6 month "relationships" before my current BF. In between I went on a lot of dates. Happy to get out of the house, and when it became too much for my ego to take, I'd just pull back and take a break for a while. I dated younger and older.
Because of our mutual schedules and a bit of distance...things have moved very (!!) slowly. I went on a lot of dates to find him. Be open to the possibilities and explore all options. Look at it as just getting out and being social. That's my best advice. It took several years and my kids getting older (school, activities, etc) for me to just meet more people. The more my married friends got to know me, the more I heard about this single dad or this divorced guy. As common as single-parenthood is, I find it still makes married people uncomfortable. I had to step out of my comfort zone a lot, but I did it b/c the alternative (staying home alone) were not appealing either. |
Anonymous
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One bit of advice with the online dating: Resist the urge to create a profile that will appeal to everyone. Be very specific about what you like, what you are looking for, and what your expectations are. Put a picture of you with your kid in your photos (blur his/her face out if you want to do so). You will have less men contacting you (which is a good thing, really), and those that do, will be more likely to be someone you really can click with.
Then I suggest trying 2-3 dates with everyone (except those that you have zero interest in). If there are guys that you really enjoy but aren't attracted to -- stay in touch with them. They have single friends; they will invite you out to activities. |
Anonymous
NP here. I have heard this advice before but don't understand how to do it. I've tried variations of "I like you but just want to be friends" but once the dudes realized that I didn't want to sleep with them and/or pursue a romantic relationship, he was not interested in "just" friendship. |