My son is a latchkey kid now and I feel terrible. Help.

[bschulte]

My son, who is 10 and in 5th grade, is having a serious case of the slumps - hating school, hating his aftercare program. He's been bugging me for awhile to just let him come home to have time to himself and I finally relented. We've agreed to try one day a week where he can walk to a guitar lesson, then walk home afterwards (we're in Del Ray and everything is within a block or two of our house.) He loved it. I feel so torn (working mother guilt? feeling like a failure because I can't organize my life and work enough to be home in the afternoon more? feeling like I'm neglecting him and awful that I don't know how to give him more choices?) My mom was a stay at home mom so that's all I know. It's just one more thing I feel like I'm doing doing very well. Anyone else struggle with this and have advice or solutions?

[Anonymous]

I am not in your shoes yet, but I can tell you that I was a latch-key kid and am none the worse for wear! Good luck in figuring out a solution that woks for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in your shoes yet, but I can tell you that I was a latch-key kid and am none the worse for wear! Good luck in figuring out a solution that woks for all of you.

Another latchkey kid here, I rather enjoyed having a little alone time after school. Don't beat yourself up too much, Mom. Once you get the routine in place, you'll breathe a whole lot better.

[Anonymous]

I was a latchkey kid and I didn't like it, BUT . . . 1) your son might be totally different, like the PPs, and 2) beating yourself up about it isn't productive, so before you get out your whipping implement of choise (all of us moms have them), spend some time thinking about and talking to your son about what worries you in this situation. In my case, as a kid, I felt lonely. Also, at times, I felt a little scared. As for the lonely part, if your son feels that way, or if you worry that he might, why not see if you can get a n-hood teen to be at your house after-school -- not as a "babysitter", which your son will hate and doesn't need, but as a companion/hw helper/snack preparer, etc. I know families in our n'hood who have this arrangement and it works well; in some cases, the teen also walks the dog, supervises music practice, shoots baskets with the younger kid, or walks with the younger kid to after-school activities, the library, grocery store, etc, as needed. If concerns about safety are an issue for your child or for you, having a teen around might help assuage your concerns, as would talking with your son about specific safety issues and how he could handle them if they were to arise. Finally, feel good about your son's confidence and desire for independence -- you're doing something right and should feel proud about that. HTH.

[Anonymous]

Another latch-key kid here. Don't feel terrible. I admire my mom for managing to maintain her career while raising children. I enjoyed my time at home doing things I wasn't supposed to do (like watching too much TV -- nothing really bad, I assure you) and feeling some independence. I made my own snack, did my homework, and watched TV til my parents returned home. If your son is mature enough to handle it and you are available by phone and perhaps there is a neighbor who can check in on your child once in a while, I think it is fine. Do not feel guilty!!!

[Anonymous]

I was a latch key kid too and I wasn't the only one in my neighborhood. I used to go over my friend's houses after school. Sometimes they'd come over mine. Sometimes there was a parent there. Sometimes there wasn't. It all worked out okay in the end.

[Anonymous]

Another latchkey kid here from about age 9 or 10 on. Like a lot of the PPs, I loved the time alone at home. I did watch a lot of TV but always did my homework too. It instilled in me a sense of responsiblilty and independence for which I am very grateful.

[bschulte]

Thank you all so much. This has all been so reassuring. I'm going to start breathing again. Soon.

[Anonymous]

Also "latch key" kid starting around 8 or 9. Sometimes my older brothers were home but usually not. By the end of 4th grade I had a paper route that took up a good 1-2 hours each afternoon. Also, I biked to friend's houses to play. I even biked to my soccer practice two days a week. I loved having the independence and I believe taught me how to be a resilient kid and in turn, adult.

[Anonymous]

Please forgive my ignorance as I was not a latchkey kids and my kids are still very young - but what exactly does this mean - does the child walk home and let himself in to a home that has no adult? That is what I always understood it meant - but isnt the legal age 14 to do that? I thought any child under 14 must have adult supervision? Please correct me if I am wrong?

[Anonymous]

I was a latchkey kid too.

But I agree that you do need to check local laws about the age that kids can be left alone. I think it varies from community to community.

[Anonymous]

"isnt the legal age 14 to do that? I thought any child under 14 must have adult supervision? Please correct me if I am wrong?"


This is definitely not correct. In MD, a child has to be 8 to stay alone - and that means leaving them in the car when you run into the 7-11 or dry cleaner. And, they have to be 13 to babysit. I don't know the ages for DC and VA.

[Anonymous]

OP, Please don't feel like a failure--you sound like a great mom who is very responsive to her child's needs. I think one day/week is a wonderful starting point for your child to test out his independence. Does he have a cell phone for walking home and to his music lesson? I would just make sure he calls you at certain check points so you know he is safe. I also think the idea of a neighborhood teen is great if there is one around. (sadly, teens in our neighborhood don't babysit as much as I did back in the day) My daughter (14 now), comes home to an empty house 2-3 x/week and I always make sure to leave her a little note with ideas for snack and the Style section of the WaPo to read. She is loving the independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"isnt the legal age 14 to do that? I thought any child under 14 must have adult supervision? Please correct me if I am wrong?"


This is definitely not correct. In MD, a child has to be 8 to stay alone - and that means leaving them in the car when you run into the 7-11 or dry cleaner. And, they have to be 13 to babysit. I don't know the ages for DC and VA.

A DC social worker told me 9.

[Anonymous]

If he's loving it (and behaving), then why feel bad? There are many ways to succeed with raising a child besides being a SAHM.