ISO Intellectually Rigorous Upper School without the pressure cooker atmosphere & WHICH TO AVOID?

[Anonymous]

A comment in a recent thread describing Field as a school that allows kids to thrive "without the pressure cooker atmosphere" caught my eye. See:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/0/5707613.page

What other upper schools allow kids to challenge themselves intellectually without burning out/scaring them to death? I have a kid who is academically gifted but gets very anxious and depressed in high pressure, high stress environments. Open to boys schools although would prefer co-ed.

Similarly, are there schools to AVOID for this same reason? Schools that may be a fit for DS seem to be all over the map: Sidwell, Georgetown Prep, St. Andrew's, Bullis, Potomac, Landon, Field, Burke, Maret, and St. Alban's.

[Anonymous]

OP - I doubt many people on DCUM will admit that their kids school is a "pressure cooker" if their child is happy so you need to think more broadly about this issue.

For your DS, I would looks at schools that offer challenging academic classes, but do not expect nearly all students to take them. You want a school open to a wide range of academically talented/interested kids, but you also want AP level (whether or not called that) type courses available in a good number, and a culture where the teachers and administration are willing and experienced in being supportive of your DS's overall mental health and well being. A school that stresses that it seeks very independent kids in its marketing literature or a school that stresses achievement as its primary goal is not where I would look for this boy. Equally important is the mix of kids. You probably do not want a school with a high concentration of socially sophisticated /fast kids if you son already has anxiety /depression issues - there will be some in every private, but the percentages vary."

For coed schools, I would focus on St. Andrews, Bullis, Field and Burke, and of the others maybe Maret. From talking to other parents and personal observation, what makes a school a pressure cooker isn't the school, it is the culture driven by the kids and parents. This is not a criticism, but an observation If there are 100 kids in your class and 1/3 of them expect to be in the ivy league and almost all students expect to be in top 20 colleges, you are going to have a more competitive environment -- feel more pressure -- than if a smaller number of students/families have those goals and a larger share is maybe looking at top 50 or so. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Based on your description, I would stick with public school OP and save your money. Have your kid avoid AP classes and they won't feel the pressure.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that there is really any school to avoid. There are only two schools (1 private and 1 public) around here that I regularly hear of that can be like a pressure cooker, both academically and socially at times, but even those two seems to have other positives that cause the kids to love those schools despite that. They are Langley and Holton. Since Holton is for chicks, you don't need to be concerned about that. Since Langley is public, you don't need to be concerned about that either, and those kids will thrive and lead.

[Anonymous]

What else is your son interested in? I think there are many schools that fit your description -- you might not get the best advice here, as people seem most interested in the high test schools, but honestly, there are many great independent schools where motivated bright kids can be really challenged without being totally stressed. In fact, being a big fish in a slightly smaller pond might be a really good approach.

[Anonymous]

I graduated from St. Andrew's and would say that it fits what you are looking for. It was not a pressure cooker but there were rigorous opportunities for those who wanted them. Huge fan. Full disclosure, though. I graduated more than a decade ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on your description, I would stick with public school OP and save your money. Have your kid avoid AP classes and they won't feel the pressure.

I am not sure if this was snarky or well-intentioned, but this advice seems strange to me. "Oh, well, if you can't take the heat in the best schools, just go public?" That seems to write off a big swath of solid private schools that might be a good fit.

Likewise, I don't think avoiding AP is a good solution. There is a middle ground: taking just a few AP courses, whatever the student needs to be challenged and not super-stressed. Again, your comment seems to suggest, "If you can't take it, just settle for average run of courses." Frankly, I don't think it is too much to aim for a balanced course schedule and a supportive environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that there is really any school to avoid. There are only two schools (1 private and 1 public) around here that I regularly hear of that can be like a pressure cooker, both academically and socially at times, but even those two seems to have other positives that cause the kids to love those schools despite that. They are Langley and Holton. Since Holton is for chicks, you don't need to be concerned about that. Since Langley is public, you don't need to be concerned about that either, and those kids will thrive and lead.

What are you smoking, PP? Holton and Langley? ROTFLMAO

Well, MAYBE Holton for some and depending on the class but generally it's a nicer environment.

Sidwell, NCS, STA, and TJ, those are the pressure cookers. If you don't know this I really doubt your kids are part of the DC area pschool scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that there is really any school to avoid. There are only two schools (1 private and 1 public) around here that I regularly hear of that can be like a pressure cooker, both academically and socially at times, but even those two seems to have other positives that cause the kids to love those schools despite that. They are Langley and Holton. Since Holton is for chicks, you don't need to be concerned about that. Since Langley is public, you don't need to be concerned about that either, and those kids will thrive and lead.

What are you smoking, PP? Holton and Langley? ROTFLMAO

Well, MAYBE Holton for some and depending on the class but generally it's a nicer environment.

Sidwell, NCS, STA, and TJ, those are the pressure cookers. If you don't know this I really doubt your kids are part of the DC area pschool scene.

+1

And I would add GDS to this list. As well as specific tracks at many of hte publi high schools in this area. I don't know what PP is smoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that there is really any school to avoid. There are only two schools (1 private and 1 public) around here that I regularly hear of that can be like a pressure cooker, both academically and socially at times, but even those two seems to have other positives that cause the kids to love those schools despite that. They are Langley and Holton. Since Holton is for chicks, you don't need to be concerned about that. Since Langley is public, you don't need to be concerned about that either, and those kids will thrive and lead.

What are you smoking, PP? Holton and Langley? ROTFLMAO

Well, MAYBE Holton for some and depending on the class but generally it's a nicer environment.

Sidwell, NCS, STA, and TJ, those are the pressure cookers. If you don't know this I really doubt your kids are part of the DC area pschool scene.

+1

And I would add GDS to this list. As well as specific tracks at many of hte publi high schools in this area. I don't know what PP is smoking.



+1 Though for some of the schools the PP mentioned, the parents expectations make it more of a pressure cooker for their kids than the school does. Sometimes I think SFS doesn't make it enough of a pressure cooker - they are always telling kids that the standardized tests aren't everything, and that it's ok if you don't get all As because you spend a lot of time on sports teams, etc. Lots of kids in college counseling right now are getting hit squarely between the eyes with the fact that a B at Sidwell doesn't magically translate to a better number for colleges.

[Anonymous]

True! But if privates didn't tell this to students, maybe they wouldn't be able to field so many teams! (which, full disclosure, i find to be a dirty little secret of most privates)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True! But if privates didn't tell this to students, maybe they wouldn't be able to field so many teams! (which, full disclosure, i find to be a dirty little secret of most privates)

Tell us more of your conspiracy theories!!!!

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about pressure, I'd try a quaker school. They try to de-emphasize grades and make all people feel worthwhile. Maybe Sandy Spring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that there is really any school to avoid. There are only two schools (1 private and 1 public) around here that I regularly hear of that can be like a pressure cooker, both academically and socially at times, but even those two seems to have other positives that cause the kids to love those schools despite that. They are Langley and Holton. Since Holton is for chicks, you don't need to be concerned about that. Since Langley is public, you don't need to be concerned about that either, and those kids will thrive and lead.

What are you smoking, PP? Holton and Langley? ROTFLMAO

Well, MAYBE Holton for some and depending on the class but generally it's a nicer environment.

Sidwell, NCS, STA, and TJ, those are the pressure cookers. If you don't know this I really doubt your kids are part of the DC area pschool scene.

+1

And I would add GDS to this list. As well as specific tracks at many of hte publi high schools in this area. I don't know what PP is smoking.



+1 Though for some of the schools the PP mentioned, the parents expectations make it more of a pressure cooker for their kids than the school does. Sometimes I think SFS doesn't make it enough of a pressure cooker - they are always telling kids that the standardized tests aren't everything, and that it's ok if you don't get all As because you spend a lot of time on sports teams, etc. Lots of kids in college counseling right now are getting hit squarely between the eyes with the fact that a B at Sidwell doesn't magically translate to a better number for colleges.

SFS is a pressure-cooker for the kids in the fast-track math and science courses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True! But if privates didn't tell this to students, maybe they wouldn't be able to field so many teams! (which, full disclosure, i find to be a dirty little secret of most privates)

Tell us more of your conspiracy theories!!!!

I was joking, but here is the serious point. Some kids love to play a sport and hope to play in college. Some love to play but aren't good enough for that. Many like to play, and some don't but do it because they think they have to. But most independents are set up to strongly incentivize - or require - kids to play on interscholastic teams. Good or bad, the time commitment is huge - one of our kids often wouldn't get home to eat and start homework until nearly 7:00 pm. Some kids are so organized and have the energy to do that, study well for another 4 or 5 hours, and do it again tomorrow. But many cannot, and school work suffers - not failing suffers, but the kid who should get the A gets a somewhat lower grade or learns to cram but not to mAster material. If the child is passionate about a team sport, fine, it is a trade off. But my thesis is that plenty of kids are hurt more than helped by the amount of time dedicated to school sports, and they are deluded into thinking this seriously helps in college admissions -- more than makes up for the loss of time spent om other pursuits -- if the student is not planning to play college ball.