In-law getting own breakfast or do you make and serve it?
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Anonymous
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I hate cooking, and when I'm alone my eating is very much by grazing rather than sitting down to big meals. I'm a SAHM and I do cook dinner for everyone, and of course I get the kids their breakfast and make their lunches. But generally I dislike making a big production out of meals. When I was single I was happy to eat cereal for dinner.
FIL is visiting, and he doesn't eat as early as the kids, or else I would just give him breakfast along with them. So my question is whether it's ok to just leave him to get his own breakfast together, or is that unwelcoming? I don't mind making eggs once in a while, but I don't feel like going through the routine every day of asking what he wants, assembling it, and then serving him. Like if he wants to have cereal, toast and fruit, or a bagel or something. I should add that he's going to be visiting for several months. If it was just a short time I'd probably be more attentive. I'm also on a different eating schedule, so I'm wondering if out of politeness I have to sit at the table with him when he eats breakfast and/or lunch, or if I can just do my own thing. Overall I'm pretty quiet and self-contained when I'm home during the day, and I really just want to keep doing my own thing rather than be in a more "host-y" mode. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't really want to hang out with him for significant chunks of time during the day. I guess it boils down to treating him like a guest or treating him in the laissez-faire manner one treats adults you live with. How do you all handle visits from your in-laws? |
Anonymous
| I would compromise and make everyone eat at the same time on the weekends and actually cook. On weekdays, show him the toaster or cereal. |
Anonymous
"Hey, Bob. I'd like to keep the kitchen stocked with whatever you'd like to eat for breakfast. I eat early, with the kids, so I won't be joining you, but I'm happy to pick up whatever you'll need." |
Anonymous
| In that situation I would probably ask him: "Dick, since you're going to be staying with us for a while I want to make sure you have what you need for meals and stuff. I'd be happy to pick up whatever you'd like from the grocery store. As you can see, the kids eat around 7, so are you ok with fending for yourself for breakfast? We do usually eat dinner as a family and we're looking forward to having you join us for that." |
Anonymous
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Several months is a pretty long visit. I've never had anyone stay with us for that amount of time, but if I did I think it would make sense to treat them as a member of the family living in your home.
My in-laws never stayed more than three days because they agreed with Ben Franklin, who said that guests and fish all begin to smell after three days! 
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Anonymous
Lol I am the other 10:04 who said almost the exact same thing. I thought his name was Dick, but Bob is also plausible
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Anonymous
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For several months? He's totally on his own for breakfast and lunch.
I'm usually out the door for work before my ILs get up when they visit, so they are on their own. I leave cereal, fruit, milk, coffee, bread, etc. and they can help themselves. On the weekends my H can cook them breakfast if he wants. Often my FIL won't wander downstairs until 10 or so on the weekends (no idea what he does during the week) and will pout if my H has already made breakfast for himself and our kid. I don't eat breakfast so I'm not going to do up some big to-do. I cook dinner every night. |
Anonymous
| Holy shit - several months does not equal guest. I'd add him to the chore list. |
Anonymous
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My SIL has a very standard breakfast that she serves everyday at a particular time. Eggs, toast, spread, cereal, milk, juice, coffee. If you do not want to eat that you are welcome to make your own at her house. I found it very efficient.
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Anonymous
Agree. I'd only host an IL or my own parents that long if they were going to help (assuming they're capable). So no, I would not cook him a separate breakfast each morning, but I'd invite him to join us in all family meals we regularly have and stock the kitchen with what he likes for other times. Hopefully he doesn't want you to serve him like that anyway. |
Anonymous
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Your issue is you stay or work at home, so guests or extended houseguests may assume you are cooking each meal for them.
Anyone staying in our house for more than a few days knows to buy and make their own food, regardless of my schedule. I do not have time to shop and cook two additional adults for weeks and weeks. In addition to my schedule, husbands and kids's schedule. Most houseguests know to bring a gift, offer to cook dinners, take us out to dinner, etc. Living in someone else's house isn't all about freebies. |
Anonymous
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Anyone in you house for longer than 4 days is not a houseguest, they are a roommate. Family included.
What type of houseguest are you? Start there. |
Anonymous
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I used to make all meals for my ILs (who used to visit for several months) and anyone who was visiting us.
It meant that I was always busy in the kitchen and could not do anything else with them. My DH did not take over the responsibility of taking them sightseeing, shopping etc. - so in the end, they started to help out so that I could chauffeur them around |
Anonymous
| Just ask him what he likes, keep those things in stock, and tell him where the things are that he needs to make it. I assume he makes breakfast for himself at home. If he's staying a few months, he should feel comfortable to help himself in your kitchen. |
Anonymous
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If it were my father, he would be on his own for breakfast. He would also help me cook normal, sit-down meals for lunch and dinner. My FIL however has always been waited on hand and foot, much like my grandmother - these people probably don't know how to turn on the gas or boil an egg. I wouldn't want them in my house for an extended period unless they came with their own maid of all work. |