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When "we're having a boy" is met with disappointment
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Anonymous
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DH and I recently told our immediate families that we are expecting a boy. Both his side of the family and my side of the family expressed disappointment in the gender. To be fair to my MIL and SIL, they are very boy-heavy on that side. Out of my MIL's six grandchildren, five are boys. I can understand her desire for another granddaughter. My own mother, on the other hand, I can't understand. This will be her first grandchild. Her comment when I told her the gender was "oh, well, you'll have to try again then." And then she called us weird and grilled me on it when we wouldn't immediately share with her the boy name that we have been considering (we haven't fully decided on the name).
I know some expectant parents have had to deal with their own feelings of disappointment in the gender. I would have been thrilled either way so I'm not in that boat. What do you do when you have to deal with your family's feelings of disappointment? Thanks |
Anonymous
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I feel for you. We have four grandkids in our families (two on DH's side and two on mine). Both were overtly dissapointed when we said we were having a boy (we didn't care either way, either). I am 39 and didn't think I'd ever be able to have a child so gender is totally irrelevant. Anyway, it really bothered me for awhile then I decided that the only thing that TRULY matters is my family (DH, DS and me). To h*ll with everyone else. So, when family members still make comments (and be prepared, they probably will), I just reply, "I am so happy that I am being blessed with a child, the gender doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter to you, either." That stopped the comments immediately.... Good luck.
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Anonymous
| PP here. I meant to write that all four grandkids in our family are boys! |
Anonymous
| My parents have 18 grandkids, 17 of which are boys, so I knew there would be some disappointment when I announced we were having boy #18 (my first child), and I prepared myself for it. I know that they will love the little tyke once he rolls along, and if I had a girl they would spoil her rotten and she'd probably end up being uncontrollable. I was a little surprised that the baby shower invites my mom sent out mentioned that it was "another boy" and that maybe we'd get a girl next time, but I think you just have to take family in a stride and not let it bother you. Each kid is unique, even if they share a gender, and your family will figure out soon enough how special yours is. |
Anonymous
| Funny you posted this. My mother was disappointed when I mentioned I was having a boy, too. She only has one other grandchild -- a boy -- and was really hoping I'd have a girl. Barring some sort of cosmic event, these are the only two grandkids she'll ever have. When she said she had wanted a girl, I just kind of chuckled and figured, "Mom's being her old grumpy self again." No biggie. But then again, she didn't hound me about it. And she loves my son dearly. They get over it. |
Anonymous
| I can completely sympathize too. Right now my husband and I are the only grandkid producers in our families and we are expecting our third boy. As soon as I announced the gender, it was met with "Ohh....too bad. You'll have to try again for the girl." Grandmothers had already purchased pink outfits in anticipation and then wanted me to go and return them for something blue. Nice. In the end, my husband and I are happy and content to have a third boy....plus his side is filled with miserable old bitties. We need to add some testosterone to the balance. |
Anonymous
| I can relate. My dad's wife was disappointed when she found out we were having a boy - the reason: girls' clothes are just so much more fun to shop for and so much cuter. Please! I was pissed at first, but got over it, since my dad, my mom, and my stepfather are all thrilled we're having a little boy. And I agree with what a PP said - any child is a blessing and anyone who is "disappointed" about gender should be reminded of that. |
Anonymous
| The only one who was disappointed we had a boy was my six year old niece...with six boy cousins, she was hoping for a girl! Even she got over it eventually. |
Anonymous
My niece is the oldest of 6 grandkids and the only girl -- and she was relieved to hear that the next one would be a boy b/c she likes being the only girl grandkid 
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Anonymous
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I'm sorry everyone has been met with such sad comments. Comments like these are part of the reason we never find out the gender of the baby. We also refuse to discuss baby names ahead of time with anyone.
I've heard so many stories where the mom and dad have picked out a name they love before the baby was born only to have family and friends critisize it. It is rare to hear about someone making rude comments after the baby is born. I'm not saying it won't happen but you have less of a chance. So, we have never dealt with the gender issue but we have dealt with the "you're preagnant again?!?!" comments. We've found the best response is a positive one. If you are happy that you are preganant or having a boy be super happy. It makes it harder for people to keep making the comments. When they say you'll have to try again then say "do you think we'll get blessed with another boy? Wouldn't that be great?" Or you can go the sarcastic route and respond with "I'll be sure to note your feelings about our son down in his baby book. I'm sure he will appriciate reading them as he gets older." Some people just need to be reminded that they should think before they open their mouths and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Congratulations on all of your sons! |
Anonymous
| 944 poster make not have realized that she was being rude but her answer about girls is another problem I see. For some reason you always hear the "oh girls have the tendancy to be spoiled and or bratty" from people who have boys. What is that? All kids can be bratty and it's not a gender thing. I have one of each so I think I am pretty unbiased in that area. Kids are kids-they are great and all a gift. FYI-I also hear of families that yearn for a boy to carry on the family name sort of thing. |
Anonymous
LOL! Not the OP here, and probably not even going to get any comments about gender since we are expecting the first grandkid on either side, but I am cracking UP over these suggested replies. I almost wish I had someone rude enough to go there with me so I could roll out your comments. OP, I'm sure your parents are too sweet to do this to, but these comments are golden! PP, can you maybe give me some advice out of your bag of zingers for people who touch my tummy without asking or give me unsolicited childbirth, pregnancy, childrearing advice? Better yet, seriously PP, can we be friends? You sound hilarious. FWIW, we're not finding out the gender and, although we have names picked out, we are not telling anyone until the baby is born. we would be sooo irritated if someone criticized our name choices. (not that we've picked out anything wild, of course). Also FWIW, and for OP -- my favorite aunt had four boys. Everyone thought she kept trying to have a girl in the mix, but in fact she just always wanted four. There's a famous story about her telling off one of her sister in laws about it when that person thoughtlessly said she must be "so disappointed to have another boy." She slapped her!  Can't say I recommend this approach....... but like I said, say she's my favorite aunt.
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Anonymous
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I haven't had to deal with disappointment on gender, but I am dealing with some family disappointment that we've chosen not to share name ideas with them before our baby is born.
I love my parents dearly but neither of them are able to hold back their comments on names they don't like, and I'm just not interested in months of "why would you pick THAT?? what about this instead?" Nearly everyone who's asked us what names we're thinking of has either said nothing or told us it's a good idea to keep name ideas to ourselves...and surprise, the only two who've taken offense to it have been my parents. It took a few weeks of repeating "we're keeping that to ourselves", but they both seem to have dropped it now. |
Anonymous
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I got all sorts of weird expressions when I told people I was having a girl:"Oh, I'm sorry", "well, maybe you'll get the boy next time." WTF is wrong with people? I would just ask them "why do say that? We are thrilled. Why wouldn't we want a girl?" or words to that effect.
I must admit that I don't get the aversion to telling people what the baby's name is going to be. If they aren't going to like it now, they aren't going to like it after the baby is born. Best get it out of their system. But, whatever. Different strokes. I had one person tell me "hmmm, I'll have to think about it and let you know if I like her name." I replied (almost exactly) "well, it doesn't really matter whether you like it or not. Her parents do and that's her name." Never mentioned it again. |
Anonymous
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When I was expecting my first (a boy) I got the reaction "Oh, your husband must be so happy!," said to suggest that he would be happy and I would be disappointed.
Also, people said "that is so good that you are having a boy first, it's so important for the oldest to be a boy and lead." People just say weird things. We didn't find out with baby #2 in part because of this. |