When "we're having a boy" is met with disappointment

[Anonymous]

We found out the sex ahead of time, and we lied to everyone who asked us what we were having, telling them that we hadn't found out. I felt slightly bad doing that, because I hate to lie, but our families and some of our friends would not have respected our choice (a) to say that we knew the sex but weren't revealing it, or (b) if we told them the sex, to tell them we weren't announcing the name till DC's birth. And if we'd told them the name, I'm sure we would have had endless unwanted feedback until our child arrived.

If you have another, please consider the white lie "we're not finding out" approach. It's harder for people to quibble with a name or say they're disappointed about the baby's sex when they're actually presented with the darling baby.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. I occasionally get comments from my mom that indicate disappointment that here only grandchild is a boy, and from my sister (who doesn't have kids) that she thinks my son is not as controlled as he could be, even though I'm sure he is no different than most boys (we are pretty big on manners and good behavior, but you can only expect so much from an active 2 year old boy). But DH and I are pretty psyched about the great son that we have, so knowing that lets us ride out these types of comments.

[Anonymous]

We are not finding out the gender, but I am an only child (and obviously a woman), but my husband's family is all men. I was afraid that my mother would be disappointed if we have a boy, so I started prepping her that we could have a boy just a few months into my pregnancy. This way, I know that even if she is slightly disappointed inside, she's prepared to be generally excited no matter what gender pops out.

[Anonymous]

What is with people asking about the name of the baby in advance? I always thought it was a huge faux pas to ask. We never tell, for the exact reasons PPs have identified (negative comments), especially from my pushy/bitchy MIL.

Sorry to hear your family wasn't thrilled--baby boys rock!

[Anonymous]

I always found it fascinating what people have said...I have two girls and EVERYONE asks "are you going to try for a boy?" That NEVER would occur to me, I am technically trying for a healthy baby if I went for a third...but you know, that is about them, not me. I let it all ROLL. People cannot affect you if you don't let 'em. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

LOL! Not the OP here, and probably not even going to get any comments about gender since we are expecting the first grandkid on either side, but I am cracking UP over these suggested replies. I almost wish I had someone rude enough to go there with me so I could roll out your comments. OP, I'm sure your parents are too sweet to do this to, but these comments are golden! PP, can you maybe give me some advice out of your bag of zingers for people who touch my tummy without asking or give me unsolicited childbirth, pregnancy, childrearing advice? Better yet, seriously PP, can we be friends? You sound hilarious.

FWIW, we're not finding out the gender and, although we have names picked out, we are not telling anyone until the baby is born. we would be sooo irritated if someone criticized our name choices. (not that we've picked out anything wild, of course).

Also FWIW, and for OP -- my favorite aunt had four boys. Everyone thought she kept trying to have a girl in the mix, but in fact she just always wanted four. There's a famous story about her telling off one of her sister in laws about it when that person thoughtlessly said she must be "so disappointed to have another boy." She slapped her! Can't say I recommend this approach....... but like I said, say she's my favorite aunt.


PP here. I've only had the guts to say these a few times but boy is it fun We are on #4 now and my in laws finally know that we will not discuss names. We have actually taken it a step farther and don't pick names out at all until we see the baby. With #3 we couldn't come up with a name we liked and ended up asking the nurse to find us a Bible so we could scan the names. For the rest of my hospital stay all of the nurses and med students would come in and ask if we were the family that used the Bible to pick a name. They thought it was great that we really hadn't picked a name out until we saw the baby.

The comment I do use on a regular basis when I get comments about being pregnant with #4 is "Well, someone has to live up the Italian-Catholic stereotype!" That usually shuts people up

I've been trying really hard to not let peoples comments get to me. It is hard to do but the best thing ever if you can do it. I have also learnt that certain people should be told important news through the mail so they have time to think before the speak, like my parents.

Good luck to everyone! Enjoy your babies however many you have and regardless of if they are boys or girls!

[Anonymous]

I love big families! It's always so strange to me that people think having three or four is a big deal. I guess a lot has changed since my own childhood. I was an only child for a long time (parents remarried other people and got busy with four total later-in-life siblings for me starting when I was 11). So I've always wished for a big family myself, but alas, cupid did not have this in mind for me as I am 35, pretty newly married, and just now working on our first. I love that you picked out your name in the hospital. We have some names picked out but are down to a short list -- we'll wait to meet the baby before deciding his or her name but we figured we'd better have a working list or else we'd be stuck basing it on looks (and since all newborns look like grumpy old men to me, I'd be nervous we'd end up with a Kojak or Chairman Mao!)

Back to the subject at hand -- OP, just thought of something. A cousin of mine has four babies (and you better believe many people in our extended family criticize -- oddly enough these are the same people who came from big families themselves). Her fourth was a girl. She is sooooooooooooooo sick of everyone making assumptions -- "Oh, you held out for a girl!" "Oh, you finally got your girl!" She said it has a weird effect on her and the kids, like people are choosing a favorite for her when she doesn't feel that way at all. She just always thought four was a good number. So even if you DID end up with that girl, people would probably still be irritating the crap out of you with inane comments and assumptions. What a PITA part of being a mom! Congrats again on your boy.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy who turned out not so healthy. A lot of medical problems. From the day I became pregnant my MIL was hoping it would be a girl so she could "spoil" her.

She now says, when are you going to give me a girl?? After struggling with my sick son, I really want to pop her in the face. I always say, we are trying for a healthy baby, but she never gets it and still persists.

She is a moron.

[Anonymous]

to 14:03: 9:44 here. If I had a girl she would be spoiled because my entire family would be so excited to have a little girl that they would spoil her rotten, buy her everything they can find, and never say no to anything she asked for. Not because girls are spoiled or bratty in general. Since boys are old hat for my family, there is little to no chance that they will spoil our future son. That said, I would have been thrilled with either a girl or a boy -- as many PPs have said, we were trying for a healthy baby, not a boy or a girl.