Do you lose friendships?

[Anonymous]

According to this article it is more common than we know: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201009/the-dirty-little-secret-most-women-dont-talk-about

Friendships don't always last forever, and I am starting accept that just now. I have never had trouble making friends, but keeping the close, tight, best-friend bond after 8 years is not easy. I have one good friend from elementary school but there were long periods - like up to 5 years - where we were just not in contact at all because we had fallen out of touch.

But when I go to parties and I see men and women drinking with their best friends from high school, and they are all as close now as they were then, it stings me a little inside. Is this sincere, what I'm seeing? We are in our early thirties and you still say your friend from high school is your "BFF"? Haven't you grown or changed since then?

If we can admit that we out-grow relationships, why don't we admit that we out-grow friendships? A relationship is supposed to be an even more intimate bond than a friendship.

Just curious if I am alone in thinking about this topic.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to life.

It's happening to other people too. They just don't admit it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Two people I thought were my friends dumped me around February this year. Neither told me why, and it's made me really awkward around other friends because I'm paranoid I'll piss them off too.

Is a terrible feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to this article it is more common than we know: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201009/the-dirty-little-secret-most-women-dont-talk-about

Friendships don't always last forever, and I am starting accept that just now. I have never had trouble making friends, but keeping the close, tight, best-friend bond after 8 years is not easy. I have one good friend from elementary school but there were long periods - like up to 5 years - where we were just not in contact at all because we had fallen out of touch.

But when I go to parties and I see men and women drinking with their best friends from high school, and they are all as close now as they were then, it stings me a little inside. Is this sincere, what I'm seeing? We are in our early thirties and you still say your friend from high school is your "BFF"? Haven't you grown or changed since then?

If we can admit that we out-grow relationships, why don't we admit that we out-grow friendships? A relationship is supposed to be an even more intimate bond than a friendship.

Just curious if I am alone in thinking about this topic.

Many friendships don't last forever and many change over time, but that doesn't mean that people who have best friends since high school are insincere. I still have very close friendships with women from high school, college, and graduate school, and I'm almost 40.

[Anonymous]

I read that it takes 7 years to complete one friendship cycle -- i.e., in seven years, a large percentage of anyone's friends are new.

[Anonymous]

I think it's normal to have a couple/few friends from each life stage that you can keep throughout your life. I have a handful of friends from high school. (graduated 24 years ago.) I have a few good friends from college, mostly those who, like me, stayed in DC after school. I have 1 or 2 friends from each job I've had, and some from my dewey beach houses. And a bunch I met randomly in social settings. Sometimes I lose friends, but it's usually the people I didn't have a ton in common with anyway, but we were thrown together by common circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I am no longer close to anyone from high school and envy my old classmates. I don't know how they managed to keep such close friendships.

[Anonymous]

I went to private school K - 12 with most of the same kids. They were a part of my life and ground me, knew me before the BS titles, degrees, and other status symbols. We are happy for each other and supportive when life gets tough. We were raised and taught to be there for each other.

[Anonymous]

I am still best friends with my friends from high school and I am in my mid-30s. I think it's normal for friendships to fade but if you have a history of friendship break-ups, I think something else might be going on.

[Anonymous]

Yup, I lose 'em all the time. I have a hard time finding female friends I can be close with and then once distance is a factor, just forget it. I'm terrible at keeping in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still best friends with my friends from high school and I am in my mid-30s. I think it's normal for friendships to fade but if you have a history of friendship break-ups, I think something else might be going on.

When you say best friends with your high school friends, what does that mean exactly?
- Do you still confide in each other about every aspect of your lives? Is there any part of your life that they don't know about?
- Have you all matured and grown in the same direction since you were teenagers? Really? High school sweethearts don't last precisely because people change as they become adults - it's usually the same with friendships too.
- Do you still have a lot in your present that you have in common, or is it more a friendship based on a shared history?

[Anonymous]

I have kept some friends since college and lost a couple that were important to me. It still hours when I think about those friends.

I once had a close friend and also dated her brother who I really liked. I had a normal sort of breakup with the brother but a blow-out with the sister. I ran into them once hanging out together. Seeing my ex-friend hurt way more than seeing my ex-boyfriend. I missed her more.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have best friends from early childhood and am in my 40's. We have tons in common, kids, schools, life. We talk about all aspects of our lives and luckily our husbands really like each other. I truly value these friendships. I also still hang out a lot with a larger group of high school friends and we really enjoy each other (don't confide in all of them). It makes sense, we are the same age, in the same phase of life, still live local (many have gone and returned), etc.

[Anonymous]

I've lost friends mostly to moving away. I thought we'd keep in touch better, especially since I'd visit the old neighborhood a few times a year, but we could never find time to get together so I eventually let the friendships go. Two other factors contributing to the friendships falling apart was getting married and having a kid. Once I got married, a few of these old friends drifted away. Maybe they felt we had nothing in common anymore? Didn't understand why this happened but it just did. It was too bad as they were good friends, but maybe with my moving away it was just bound to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am no longer close to anyone from high school and envy my old classmates. I don't know how they managed to keep such close friendships.

They stopped growing as people?