Choosing a 5 school over a 9 school
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Anonymous
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I have two stepchildren. I try to stay out of most of the major parenting decisions (like which school to send them to) unless I'm asked for my opinion. Sometimes I offer my opinion and I'm wondering if I should in this situation.
We're new to the area, and I just got around to googling the school that my SC will attend. Their new school, which is in their mom's neighborhood, is ranked a 5 on greatschools.org; the school in our neighborhood is ranked 9. Kids split time evenly between both households, so they could go to either school. Their mother made the decision to send them to her school (for reasons unbeknownst to me, though I suggest it's just pure convenience) and DH has agreed. I don't think my DH has idea of the school rankings, but I also think DH tries really hard to be accommodating and avoid arguments with the kids' mom. So, with one week left before school starts, do I bring this up? Is it that huge of an issue? The kids are entering K and 2nd grade, FWIW. (I'm also posting this on the Parenting - Special Concerns board but I don't think that gets as many views as this board does.) |
Anonymous
| Step parent here. If you feel the need to be a part of the decision (maybe you pick them up from school), bring it up in casual conversation. But, in my household, it's dad's and bio mom's choice (I'm not really involved other than a supportive role). |
Anonymous
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You do not bring this up. This is a decision between the parents of the children.
Great Schools is not the be-all, end-all. It's one piece of data. |
Anonymous
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OP again, just to clarify, I'm not advocating that the kids move schools. Just wondering if I should tell DH about the disparity in performance. I will be involved in pick up/drop off, but completely agree that this isn't my decision to make.
Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Ditto the PPs, it's not your place to get involved. How far apart are these schools? |
Anonymous
We're in Fairfax. Mom is in Alexandria. So maybe 12 miles ~ 20 minutes-ish. |
Anonymous
| Wow, a 5 is pretty bad for NoVA. I'm imagining which school it is. You are dead on in thinking it's a bad decision, and you are right that DH probably agreed to avoid confrontation. I would definitely bring it up to him, that you would be open to having the responsibility of the kids going to your school for their benefit, and that you are wondering if he would consider bringing it up with his ex. But if he doesn't want to, I think it's case closed. And I DEFINITELY would not mention anything to his ex directly. |
Anonymous
That's what I figured - probably alexandria. ugh. mistake on the mom's part IMO when another much better school is an option. |
Anonymous
| I would at least let your husband know about the rankings. If he chooses to go with the 5 school to appease mom, then of course you should support that decision, but at least make sure he knows what he's agreeing to. |
Anonymous
I agree. Although I wouldn't just show him the great schools ratings, I would also show him the test scores for your kids' demographic (ie Asian female vs Asian female, Black male vs Black male, etc). |
Anonymous
| Could you give us a little bit more family background? You said you were new to this area, but mom is also settled here, and it would be surprising if you all just moved both households to this region right before school started. I'm wondering if there are other dynamics at play, such as that mom has been living here a while, the 2nd grader has been going to that school all along, both kids have lots of neighborhood friends, and generally they are very well-established in that community whereas moving them to your school would be completely uprooting them. |
Anonymous
Prepare to be surprised: We're all new to the area; we moved here at the beginning of the summer. DH and I had job opportunities here and she agreed to move. The kids were going to summer camp at a private school in Alexandria, and the plan was for them to continue on at that school. Unfortunately, neither parent thought it was a good fit. However, both parents waited until late in the summer to agree on this and so the kids were just registered for public school last week. |
Anonymous
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You want to stir this up over a number? Have you gone to both schools? Assessed them for yourself? Talked to, oh I dunno, the kids's teachers? Compared the opportunities, class sizes, extra curiculars, experience and enthusiasm of the faculty? Met with the principals? Talked to other parents?
Or did you just want to stir shit up with the ex, and this is a convenient way to do it? "She would send your kids to a school that's a *5* when we have an *exceptional* school right here! Did she even tell you that? I know you don't like to confront her, but think of the *children*." What a manipulative piece of work. |
Anonymous
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In this case, I would definitely point it out, perhaps to both if there is a good relationship between all of you.
Quite frankly a 5 school is going to be a far cry from the private school mom originally picked and the nine might be more on target with what she had in mind. |
Anonymous
| I have not always found great schools reliable. Decision should not be made until visiting and getting to know the specific school options. |