Choosing a 5 school over a 9 school

[Anonymous]

Who has custody of the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to stir this up over a number? Have you gone to both schools? Assessed them for yourself? Talked to, oh I dunno, the kids's teachers? Compared the opportunities, class sizes, extra curiculars, experience and enthusiasm of the faculty? Met with the principals? Talked to other parents?

Or did you just want to stir shit up with the ex, and this is a convenient way to do it?

"She would send your kids to a school that's a *5* when we have an *exceptional* school right here! Did she even tell you that? I know you don't like to confront her, but think of the *children*."

What a manipulative piece of work.

Oh you're ridiculous. I have no interest in stirring things up with the kids' mom. I don't pretend to know what's best for my SC. That's for her and DH to figure out. Contrary to the ever prevalent stepmom myth, I am not an evil bitch. I do want the best for the kids and that's why I'm stressing over the school choice. I don't have kids of my own, and so I readily admit that I have no idea how much stock to put into the Great Schools rankings. That's why I'm asking strangers on the internet. I was hoping to get some constructive feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who has custody of the children?

Custody is split 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Our children attend our neighborhood school, which happens to be a Title I school. I have not checked Great Schools before. I am shocked to see it is a 3! In any case, I am an educator. (different school). Though there have been some social challenges with my children being in the minority (parents not returning calls, etc.) it has been an extremely positive experience. There is a very low staff turnover. Class sizes are very small. My children have been getting advanced pull outs since Kindergarten. Both of my children are doing extremely well. When I look at Great Schools, there are only a few reviews, and they are old. Of course, when a school has a high low-income population, the test scores will show that. You may find out the school is a gem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to stir this up over a number? Have you gone to both schools? Assessed them for yourself? Talked to, oh I dunno, the kids's teachers? Compared the opportunities, class sizes, extra curiculars, experience and enthusiasm of the faculty? Met with the principals? Talked to other parents?

Or did you just want to stir shit up with the ex, and this is a convenient way to do it?

"She would send your kids to a school that's a *5* when we have an *exceptional* school right here! Did she even tell you that? I know you don't like to confront her, but think of the *children*."

What a manipulative piece of work.

Oh you're ridiculous. I have no interest in stirring things up with the kids' mom. I don't pretend to know what's best for my SC. That's for her and DH to figure out. Contrary to the ever prevalent stepmom myth, I am not an evil bitch. I do want the best for the kids and that's why I'm stressing over the school choice. I don't have kids of my own, and so I readily admit that I have no idea how much stock to put into the Great Schools rankings. That's why I'm asking strangers on the internet. I was hoping to get some constructive feedback.

Here's your constructive feedback: Great Schools is just a number. It by no means gives the full picture of the entire school. If you are only focused on test scores, then compare apples to apples. If your kids are white, then compare the pass rates of the 9 school and the 5 school. If they're black, then compare the pass rates of black students at both schools. School 5 may be a Title1 school which to some here is awful and to others a great thing. If it is a Title 1 school, the class sizes will be smaller and there will be more instructional support and resources. Perhaps both the mom and your husband value diversity and School 5 offers that over School 9. Maybe School 9 has kids in trailers and that's not okay with the mom. Perhaps mom visited the School 5 and really liked the principal and the feel of the school. The bottom line is that no one factor can decide whether a school is a good fit for one family. And what's important for one family may not be important to another.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has two middle/high?? school aged kids and never bothered to review the schools in his or his children's neighborhood? Sometimes kids have to have the parents they were born to....

I never get people that don't pay attention to schools. Regardless of where the ratings come from.

I don't think OP is manipulative or wrong, but she's doing a better job than either of the parents those kids have. Maybe OPs kids will be better positioned with one conscientious parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has two middle/high?? school aged kids and never bothered to review the schools in his or his children's neighborhood? Sometimes kids have to have the parents they were born to....

I never get people that don't pay attention to schools. Regardless of where the ratings come from.

I don't think OP is manipulative or wrong, but she's doing a better job than either of the parents those kids have. Maybe OPs kids will be better positioned with one conscientious parent.

You're making a lot of assumptions about the ex, given that the OP probably knows very little of the ex's actual thought process in deciding on a school.

[Anonymous]

Your husbands ex moved to accommodate his new job local and to keep the kids able to see their dad (and you). She did not have to do that probably (depends on the legal paperwork.

With two young children and impending start to grade school, was there no discussion of where the mom might live since you all just moved? If she can't afford Fairfax, given she moved to help out, perhaps some assistance to her might help her get a place to live in the same school district. Perhaps not. Or maybe she has family where she is to help her while she works with after school care. All of these fine points impact the placement in elementary school.

I can see why the dad isn't making waves. His ex took a noble step that many a parent might not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husbands ex moved to accommodate his new job local and to keep the kids able to see their dad (and you). She did not have to do that probably (depends on the legal paperwork.

With two young children and impending start to grade school, was there no discussion of where the mom might live since you all just moved? If she can't afford Fairfax, given she moved to help out, perhaps some assistance to her might help her get a place to live in the same school district. Perhaps not. Or maybe she has family where she is to help her while she works with after school care. All of these fine points impact the placement in elementary school.

I can see why the dad isn't making waves. His ex took a noble step that many a parent might not.

Preach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you give us a little bit more family background? You said you were new to this area, but mom is also settled here, and it would be surprising if you all just moved both households to this region right before school started. I'm wondering if there are other dynamics at play, such as that mom has been living here a while, the 2nd grader has been going to that school all along, both kids have lots of neighborhood friends, and generally they are very well-established in that community whereas moving them to your school would be completely uprooting them.

Prepare to be surprised: We're all new to the area; we moved here at the beginning of the summer. DH and I had job opportunities here and she agreed to move. The kids were going to summer camp at a private school in Alexandria, and the plan was for them to continue on at that school. Unfortunately, neither parent thought it was a good fit. However, both parents waited until late in the summer to agree on this and so the kids were just registered for public school last week.

Your husband's ex is a saint. I hope you appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

OP - alexandria schools, generally, are notoriously bad, ok people. period. overall, notoriously bad, with a few decent schools sprinkled in there. all you had to say was alexandria. i feel you OP. this child should be in the fairfax school. it just sounds to me like the parents are generally super laid back, go with the flow, it'll all work out sort of types.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I sincerely appreciate the feedback. Thanks to all those who responded to my original query.

I don't want to derail this but I'm itching to make a few points. 1) None of us are saints or sinners; it's not nearly that black and white. 2) We pay both alimony and child support despite having split custody. We cannot afford to pay her more and there isn't anything wrong with where she lives. 3) She wanted to move. No one forced or coerced her. We would have stayed in our old town if she didn't want to leave. I don't deny that this was immensely helpful to DH and I and I appreciate her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has two middle/high?? school aged kids and never bothered to review the schools in his or his children's neighborhood? Sometimes kids have to have the parents they were born to....

I never get people that don't pay attention to schools. Regardless of where the ratings come from.

I don't think OP is manipulative or wrong, but she's doing a better job than either of the parents those kids have. Maybe OPs kids will be better positioned with one conscientious parent.

Clearly you went to a 1 or 2 school as your reading comprehension is severely lacking.

OPs step children are early elementary. The oldest is going into second grade. The youngest, kindergarten.

None of them are in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to stir this up over a number? Have you gone to both schools? Assessed them for yourself? Talked to, oh I dunno, the kids's teachers? Compared the opportunities, class sizes, extra curiculars, experience and enthusiasm of the faculty? Met with the principals? Talked to other parents?

Or did you just want to stir shit up with the ex, and this is a convenient way to do it?

"She would send your kids to a school that's a *5* when we have an *exceptional* school right here! Did she even tell you that? I know you don't like to confront her, but think of the *children*."

What a manipulative piece of work.

You seem a little angry. OP's question sounds like a reasonable question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto the PPs, it's not your place to get involved. How far apart are these schools?

We're in Fairfax. Mom is in Alexandria. So maybe 12 miles ~ 20 minutes-ish.

Alexandria City or Alexandria postal code in Fairfax County?