Buffet Catholicism?

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic but no longer go to Mass or agree with a lot of the Church teachings (abortion, birth control, divorce, artificial reproduction, to name a few). My DH is non-religious. However, "once a Catholic, always a Catholic", I guess. Lately, my DC (age 8) has been asking why we don't go to church and what people do in church, etc. I told him that we don't belong to a church but I'd be glad to take him if he wants to go. DH is not interested for himself but doesn't mind if the kids go.

If I take him, it will most likely be a Catholic church since that's most familiar to me and it will be easier for me to explain what's going on. I'll take him every week if he wants to go and would probably enjoy the time. I wouldn't mind attending Mass regularly, but find it hard to reconcile attending Mass but not really buying into the whole Catholic tenants and lifestyle. Pope Francis has been a breath of fresh air and has made me really consider coming back to the Church on some level. Is it possible to be a buffet Catholic?

[Anonymous]

Most Catholics are a la carte. So yes, just find a church that is more liberal/tolerant. I enjoy St. Charles Borromeo in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Check out the Episcopal church -- it's Catholicism without the crap.

You can find a "tolerant" Catholic church, but they still have to pay lip service to the very strict rules and beliefs (transubstantiation anyone?) that still apply.

And if you actually join you'll be paying into the legal defense funds for pedophile priests.

Also consider a unitarian church -- no smells and bells, no feigning belief, but good people and good human values.

[Anonymous]

yes, i think it's possible. in my opinion, it's between you and God. pay the conservatives no heed. i go to St. John Neumann in Reston and love it. Holy Trinity in Gtown is good too. i've attend some episcopalian churches and have liked them too, but agree, "once a catholic..."

[Anonymous]

I agree with 13:25.

Also I believe that I don't want the conservatives to drive me out. So I stay, though often it's by a fingernail.

There is something soothing about ritual.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel the same way. I really don't want politics to get into my church. I'm sick of all the anti gay, anti abortion talk at church. We joined and attend an episcopalian church, but I really loved being Catholic and wish I could have stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 13:25.

Also I believe that I don't want the conservatives to drive me out. So I stay, though often it's by a fingernail.

There is something soothing about ritual.

I love the ritual too, but knowing about how the hierarchy has protected sexual predators kind of ruins it for me. That's why I couldn't possibly financially support a Catholic church.

as for "once a catholic..." not true -- the catholics have been bleeding members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic but no longer go to Mass or agree with a lot of the Church teachings (abortion, birth control, divorce, artificial reproduction, to name a few). My DH is non-religious. However, "once a Catholic, always a Catholic", I guess. Lately, my DC (age 8) has been asking why we don't go to church and what people do in church, etc. I told him that we don't belong to a church but I'd be glad to take him if he wants to go. DH is not interested for himself but doesn't mind if the kids go.

If I take him, it will most likely be a Catholic church since that's most familiar to me and it will be easier for me to explain what's going on. I'll take him every week if he wants to go and would probably enjoy the time. I wouldn't mind attending Mass regularly, but find it hard to reconcile attending Mass but not really buying into the whole Catholic tenants and lifestyle. Pope Francis has been a breath of fresh air and has made me really consider coming back to the Church on some level. Is it possible to be a buffet Catholic?

You will be able to explain what's going on at the Episcopal church too - and you won't have to deal with Transubstantiation, which might be a hard sell for an 8 year old who presumably no longer believes in Santa. Also Jesus is not hanging on the cross in the episcopal church - a sight that can really scare a kid who has never seen it before.

[Anonymous]

I'm a buffet Catholic and my kids go to Catholic school. I think along many of your lines, OP. My kids are about the same age as yours, and the bigger issues don't come up in elementary. However; I'm just going to explain how I see it when I differ from the Church.

One issue came up, "they say pets don't go to heaven," and--look, OP, I don't even know if I believe in heaven or not, but I don't get into that--I tell them "I disagree with the Church on this issue; I think of course pets go to heaven!"

I think religion, like many other things in life, is a tool and some have used it for good and some for evil, and due to this, some abandon the tool altogether-which is fine. But I think if you want to use it, make it work for you; use it to make your kids better human beings. The Catholics I've met here have been a lovely bunch and I can live with some cognitive dissonance.

Regarding Episcopalian, what PP says has been my experience. My DH is Episcopalian so our kids started out in an Episcopalian school and church. It does feel Catholic-lite and I was very happy that the priests were often married or women or openly gay. Our particular Ep. school/church was not a great fit for us (for reasons that don't apply here and different part of the country) and our local Catholic was great, so we switched. I have to admit that it did feel like it was "coming home" on some weird level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 13:25.

Also I believe that I don't want the conservatives to drive me out. So I stay, though often it's by a fingernail.

There is something soothing about ritual.

I love the ritual too, but knowing about how the hierarchy has protected sexual predators kind of ruins it for me. That's why I couldn't possibly financially support a Catholic church.

as for "once a catholic..." not true -- the catholics have been bleeding members.

You are not required to financially support the "church." I told my priest that I would be giving to other independent Catholic charities, including Network (the "Nuns on the Bus") instead of the Bishop's appeal. He gets it. I have also told him that I will donate to the specific fund that sustains our actual church facility, because I understand that he has responsibilities to our parish, as we all do. But I agree - if it goes directly to the Diocese or the bishops, I can't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a buffet Catholic and my kids go to Catholic school. I think along many of your lines, OP. My kids are about the same age as yours, and the bigger issues don't come up in elementary. However; I'm just going to explain how I see it when I differ from the Church.
One issue came up, "they say pets don't go to heaven," and--look, OP, I don't even know if I believe in heaven or not, but I don't get into that--I tell them "I disagree with the Church on this issue; I think of course pets go to heaven!"

I think religion, like many other things in life, is a tool and some have used it for good and some for evil, and due to this, some abandon the tool altogether-which is fine. But I think if you want to use it, make it work for you; use it to make your kids better human beings. The Catholics I've met here have been a lovely bunch and I can live with some cognitive dissonance.

Regarding Episcopalian, what PP says has been my experience. My DH is Episcopalian so our kids started out in an Episcopalian school and church. It does feel Catholic-lite and I was very happy that the priests were often married or women or openly gay. Our particular Ep. school/church was not a great fit for us (for reasons that don't apply here and different part of the country) and our local Catholic was great, so we switched. I have to admit that it did feel like it was "coming home" on some weird level.

+1 Our faith in God isn't very strong if we can't question the man-made church, IMO. We shouldn't be slaves to the dogma or the hierarchy - to me that's not what it's about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic but no longer go to Mass or agree with a lot of the Church teachings (abortion, birth control, divorce, artificial reproduction, to name a few). My DH is non-religious. However, "once a Catholic, always a Catholic", I guess. Lately, my DC (age 8) has been asking why we don't go to church and what people do in church, etc. I told him that we don't belong to a church but I'd be glad to take him if he wants to go. DH is not interested for himself but doesn't mind if the kids go.

If I take him, it will most likely be a Catholic church since that's most familiar to me and it will be easier for me to explain what's going on. I'll take him every week if he wants to go and would probably enjoy the time. I wouldn't mind attending Mass regularly, but find it hard to reconcile attending Mass but not really buying into the whole Catholic tenants and lifestyle. Pope Francis has been a breath of fresh air and has made me really consider coming back to the Church on some level. Is it possible to be a buffet Catholic?

You will be able to explain what's going on at the Episcopal church too - and you won't have to deal with Transubstantiation, which might be a hard sell for an 8 year old who presumably no longer believes in Santa. Also Jesus is not hanging on the cross in the episcopal church - a sight that can really scare a kid who has never seen it before.

Kids can handle a lot more than you are giving them credit for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic but no longer go to Mass or agree with a lot of the Church teachings (abortion, birth control, divorce, artificial reproduction, to name a few). My DH is non-religious. However, "once a Catholic, always a Catholic", I guess. Lately, my DC (age 8) has been asking why we don't go to church and what people do in church, etc. I told him that we don't belong to a church but I'd be glad to take him if he wants to go. DH is not interested for himself but doesn't mind if the kids go.

If I take him, it will most likely be a Catholic church since that's most familiar to me and it will be easier for me to explain what's going on. I'll take him every week if he wants to go and would probably enjoy the time. I wouldn't mind attending Mass regularly, but find it hard to reconcile attending Mass but not really buying into the whole Catholic tenants and lifestyle. Pope Francis has been a breath of fresh air and has made me really consider coming back to the Church on some level. Is it possible to be a buffet Catholic?

You will be able to explain what's going on at the Episcopal church too - and you won't have to deal with Transubstantiation, which might be a hard sell for an 8 year old who presumably no longer believes in Santa. Also Jesus is not hanging on the cross in the episcopal church - a sight that can really scare a kid who has never seen it before.

Kids can handle a lot more than you are giving them credit for.

Yeah -- I know a Jewish kid who went into a Catholic church for the first time and upon seeing the crucified Christ on the altar, shouted - "Oh no -- what did he do?" but he got over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a buffet Catholic and my kids go to Catholic school. I think along many of your lines, OP. My kids are about the same age as yours, and the bigger issues don't come up in elementary. However; I'm just going to explain how I see it when I differ from the Church.
One issue came up, "they say pets don't go to heaven," and--look, OP, I don't even know if I believe in heaven or not, but I don't get into that--I tell them "I disagree with the Church on this issue; I think of course pets go to heaven!"

I think religion, like many other things in life, is a tool and some have used it for good and some for evil, and due to this, some abandon the tool altogether-which is fine. But I think if you want to use it, make it work for you; use it to make your kids better human beings. The Catholics I've met here have been a lovely bunch and I can live with some cognitive dissonance.

Regarding Episcopalian, what PP says has been my experience. My DH is Episcopalian so our kids started out in an Episcopalian school and church. It does feel Catholic-lite and I was very happy that the priests were often married or women or openly gay. Our particular Ep. school/church was not a great fit for us (for reasons that don't apply here and different part of the country) and our local Catholic was great, so we switched. I have to admit that it did feel like it was "coming home" on some weird level.

+1 Our faith in God isn't very strong if we can't question the man-made church, IMO. We shouldn't be slaves to the dogma or the hierarchy - to me that's not what it's about.

What is it about then? More specifically, what's the point of exposing your kids to a bunch of stuff that you don't agree with or don't believe in and will have to explain to them later is not accurate -- if they don't figure it out sooner themselves?

I figure Santa Claus is OK, because kids outgrow it when they are quite young and parents don't expect them to believe it - in fact it's a rite of passage when kids give up Santa - a sign of growing up. Not so with the beliefs the Catholic church expects people to accept - and continue to accept into adulthood and for their whole lives.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it makes you a catholic if you pick and choose what to believe. But that's part of the reason I'm an atheist. I will happily throw out the baby with the bathwater if it means not having to believe that I, as a woman, am inferior to men. Suck it, god.