If DH is the only child,

[Anonymous]

Reading these MIL topics make me think if it is harder to deal with not so nice/controlling MIL when DH is the only child? Anyone like to share your experience? Do you have plenty of visits? Do you have to think twice before acting which may cause DH to choose between his family and his mom?

[Anonymous]

Easy for me. Great MIL, and no sibs to plan around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy for me. Great MIL, and no sibs to plan around.

Ditto. There are downsides to marrying an only (I think he's less used to having someone in his space all the time) but it's been easy on the IL front.

[Anonymous]

I have only MIL to deal with. FIL passed away before I met my husband. My MIL is irritating, but my husband finds her to be needy and manipulative so I just quietly do not plan anything with her beyond obligatory holiday visits. She lives 45 minutes away and I see her maybe 3 to 4 times per year for a couple of hours at a time. If my husband wishes to spend more time with her, he is welcome to plan visits with her and take our child to see her whenever he likes.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both only children. my MIL and FIL are saints.

[Anonymous]

Never met MIL due to estrangement.

[Anonymous]

DH is an only. My MIL is very nice, but she's very clingy and I do wish there were other siblings and grandkids to get some of her attention. They are very good to our kids, and our kids love them-but my MIL wants to see us once a month (4 hour drive so that means giving up a whole weekend) and they both bug us to vacation with them and get kind of offended when we don't (even though we get no say in the timing or destination of these suggested trips).

[Anonymous]

My MIL is now passed but when she was around she was so loving and generous and kind. I think she was thrilled to finally have a daughter!!

[Anonymous]

My ILs were local. Our relationship actually got better after we had kids because they were so focused on the grandkids that it didn't matter if DH and I wanted to visit/have dinner/vacation with them. The grandkids became their world instead of DH. I'm sorry they both passed away while the kids were still young. But, prior to kids, we had our issues. DH's only sibling was killed in a car accident the year before we met. DH felt guilty about his parents' loss and tried to compensate. This led to 'boundary' issues for which we sought counseling. It wasn't until a few years after his parents' deaths that DH could acknowledge how interfering they weren.

[Anonymous]

You need to be polite and respectful and IF she is rude to you, then you bring it up to DH and say you will no longer deal with her.

DH also needs to understand that some women will drive a wedge between their sons and their wives. So he needs to decide early on if he will stand by you or side with his mother. If he is a mama's boy, he will side with her and you will be miserable. Best to get out NOW if he's like that.

Boundaries are healthy, especially when it comes to parents. You also need to discuss NOW how you will handle kids and visitation with both sets of parents. Get on the same page before you add kids to the mix.

[Anonymous]

DH is an only. MIL and FIL are bananas. It's really hard on DH that there's no one else in his family to talk things over with, or to help deal with his parents. They both come to him all the time with complaints about the other one, and he has no one to talk to about it but me. There's no one else who can voice an opinion to them about what they do or say, because they only trust family. It stinks.

[Anonymous]

Anotehr perspective - i am an only and have a good relationship with my parents. not too close and not too distant. My parents love DH, esp since he helps them with handyman stuff. My DH loves my parents - he thinks they are more "real" and open than his parents are. Loves that he can get advice from them. I like my husbands ILs, too, but I can see why he gets annoyed by them sometimes.

Ultimately, I think it boils down to personality vs. siblings, grandkids, etc. A close friend of mine who comes from a large family married a man who has a couple siblings and she is always complaining on her ILs play favorites. I think it is a dynamic that will happen no matter how big or small the family is.

[Anonymous]

Nope. We live 500 miles away from those nutcases.

Hubby is alone and his parents are both have narcissistic personalities.

We see them when they come to visit and they MUST stay with other relatives.

The last time they invited themselves to our house and started a major arguement, were speaking negatively about us and our daughter heard it and complained the whole stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is an only. MIL and FIL are bananas. It's really hard on DH that there's no one else in his family to talk things over with, or to help deal with his parents. They both come to him all the time with complaints about the other one, and he has no one to talk to about it but me. There's no one else who can voice an opinion to them about what they do or say, because they only trust family. It stinks.

He needs to shut that down, and there are ways to do it. I had to do it with my parents once. Basically, he needs to say firmly, "Mom, I will not listen to you complain about Dad" (and vice versa) and change the subject or hang up the phone.

But under no circumstances is he obligated to be their marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

It is very very hard. Basically, DH is MIL's sole reason for existence, her pride, and her only achievement. I am in therapy and on antidepressants and it sort of helps.