My husband's brother's wife. It's become apparent over the last two years that she has a mental illness. I don't know what it is nor has BIL shared, but it's evident. She has one topic of conversation, and she'll go hours without interacting with anyone, including her children. She's very emotionally removed, and oblivious to the work her mental absence causes everyone else. She doesn't want to do anything, and doesn't care for her kids. I don't know how to treat her and it's very awkward visiting their house or having her for more than a couple days in mine.
Any BTDT suggestions? |
It's not your problem, it's your BIL's. I know it is annoying, but really, you need to leave them alone. |
I disagree with PP. It is family and families help each other. All you can do at this point is let your BIL know that if he needs help, he can come to you. Beyond that there isn't much you can do. |
My kids are 11 amd 13. What do I tell my kids when they ask when she doesn't participate in conversations, even if directly addressed, and why she talks about nothing but the End Days? |
How about something like "I don't know why. That's how she is, I guess. Some folks are more into conversation than others." |
Why would you not tell them the truth in a nonjudgmental way? Mental illness is everywhere and ignoring it will just teach your children that the behaviour of mentally ill people is wrong and shameful. |
OP, why are you having this woman to your house for "more than a few days"? You should have short visits with her, or get them a hotel to ease the awkwardness. Same for your visits with them.
I think your kids are old enough to understand the general concept of mental illness as illness and how to treat people this way (with compassion but not necessarily trying to help them unless they are ready to receive help). If your BIL reaches out to you, you should help, and you sound genuinely concerned. But it's probably not something you can do to get him to that point. |
Has your husband asked his brother if there's something he can do to help? |
Your SIL is at least harmless. ![]() Everybody has someone a bit odd in the family. If she's not actively ruining your life, be grateful. Be kind, and teach your kids to have compassion for people who are a bit touched. |
Not harmless if she's got kids still living at home. |
Oh, you are right. I missed that OP says she doesn't care for her kids. ![]() |
But that's deflection. Aren't 11 and 13 year olds old enough to get a watered down version of the truth? |
Because BIL and my FIL and MIL all refuse to acknowledge the severity of the illness and would be offended at the hotel idea, either for them or us. |
Here's one problem: my younger niece is starting to be a serious drama queen, because she needs attention to make up for what she's not getting from her mother. My children are confused by this acting out. How do I explain that dynamic? |
I don't think you intended for this to come off as rude, but something about it rubs me the wrong way. Mental illness is real illness, not something to joke about. |