Holy shit. I have a huge crush on a married man...

[Anonymous]

I never in a million years would do anything but it sucks because I see him at work and think he is lovely. I sound like I'm 13 too but holy shit... how do I squash these stupid feelings?

[Anonymous]

You squash those stupid feelings.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this what vibrators are for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never in a million years would do anything but it sucks because I see him at work and think he is lovely. I sound like I'm 13 too but holy shit... how do I squash these stupid feelings?

You get under someone who is available or seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

You limit your exposure and you accept that you will get over it in 6 months - completely.

You need to break off mentally from him.

Limit exposure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You limit your exposure and you accept that you will get over it in 6 months - completely.

You need to break off mentally from him.

Limit exposure.

This. Happened to me. It literally took 2 months of no exposure, and managed to quash all feelings. Never want to the the OW. Never want to ruin anothers' family. Karma is a bitch. I know if he cheated on his wife, there would be no stopping him from cheating on me too.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You limit your exposure and you accept that you will get over it in 6 months - completely.

You need to break off mentally from him.

Limit exposure.

[b]

NP here - I'm not trying to get over a married man, just a very bad breakup. Thank you for posting this, it's actually very helpful and I needed to hear this.

[Anonymous]

I've been the other woman. That way lies madness. Don't go there; it's so destructive.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the exact same situation, having the biggest crush in another married man like I was a teenager. Did he show interest back at you? In my case, the married man was flirting with me like crazy (which also reminded me of the teenage days) and we met up for lunches, our conversation was basically like dates (nothing physical happened though). I fell for him, I thought I was deeply in love with him and I thought I just had to have him. At that point I was ignoring all thoughts of guilt or karma or whatever rational stuff and all I can think of was him.

But then - I was on a business trip for 1.5 weeks and when I came back, he seem to have "forgotten" me, calmed down a lot, friendly but no flirting. And this really turned me off and now I felt better. It is still painful, I still think about him a lot, but I didnt get the compulsive feeling of wanting an affair. Now I know if we can't even survive 1.5 week of not seeing each other, those feelings are not real.

I'm also lucky in a sense that he's leaving the job for good so I won't be seeing him everyday soon.

What I can say is if there's no way to limit the exposure due to work, it's really hard to squash that feeling all of a sudden. But bottom line is, you just have to realize none of this is real and it will pass one day (perhaps go on leave or something). That though depends on whether your feelings are reciprocated. But I'm guessing if I can survive in my heavy flirting case, you can too. Give it some time!

[Anonymous]

I also am in this situation. Seeing the most wonderful person I have ever met once a month or so for 2 years. Nothing physical. But we are so on the same plane. Both married. Both with kids. Marriages okay but not good. Business reasons require some interaction, but we are well beyond that. Almost never talk business when we meet for lunch or something. Not sure what I should do. Without kids, it would be easy.

[Anonymous]

No. Grass is always greener on the other side. 85% of affairs fail. Just. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Grass is always greener on the other side. 85% of affairs fail. Just. No.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also am in this situation. Seeing the most wonderful person I have ever met once a month or so for 2 years. Nothing physical. But we are so on the same plane. Both married. Both with kids. Marriages okay but not good. Business reasons require some interaction, but we are well beyond that. Almost never talk business when we meet for lunch or something. Not sure what I should do. Without kids, it would be easy.

Do nothing. You are having a crush b/c you don't have kids with this other person, and have to deal with them and negotiate with them in "real life" Must easy pease business lunch "dates".

This is same phenomenon as pining for the crush you never dated; in your memory they are flawless and forever young so you yearn for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the exact same situation, having the biggest crush in another married man like I was a teenager. Did he show interest back at you? In my case, the married man was flirting with me like crazy (which also reminded me of the teenage days) and we met up for lunches, our conversation was basically like dates (nothing physical happened though). I fell for him, I thought I was deeply in love with him and I thought I just had to have him. At that point I was ignoring all thoughts of guilt or karma or whatever rational stuff and all I can think of was him.

But then - I was on a business trip for 1.5 weeks and when I came back, he seem to have "forgotten" me, calmed down a lot, friendly but no flirting. And this really turned me off and now I felt better. It is still painful, I still think about him a lot, but I didnt get the compulsive feeling of wanting an affair. Now I know if we can't even survive 1.5 week of not seeing each other, those feelings are not real.

I'm also lucky in a sense that he's leaving the job for good so I won't be seeing him everyday soon.

What I can say is if there's no way to limit the exposure due to work, it's really hard to squash that feeling all of a sudden. But bottom line is, you just have to realize none of this is real and it will pass one day (perhaps go on leave or something). That though depends on whether your feelings are reciprocated. But I'm guessing if I can survive in my heavy flirting case, you can too. Give it some time!

You really thought you were "deeply in love" in this situation? Gimme a break. Are you very young? Have you ever had a real relationship?
Perhaps his wife got wind of your lunches, or caught him cheating with someone else entirely (married guys who "flirt like crazy" aren't saving it all for you - he probably had others).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the exact same situation, having the biggest crush in another married man like I was a teenager. Did he show interest back at you? In my case, the married man was flirting with me like crazy (which also reminded me of the teenage days) and we met up for lunches, our conversation was basically like dates (nothing physical happened though). I fell for him, I thought I was deeply in love with him and I thought I just had to have him. At that point I was ignoring all thoughts of guilt or karma or whatever rational stuff and all I can think of was him.

But then - I was on a business trip for 1.5 weeks and when I came back, he seem to have "forgotten" me, calmed down a lot, friendly but no flirting. And this really turned me off and now I felt better. It is still painful, I still think about him a lot, but I didnt get the compulsive feeling of wanting an affair. Now I know if we can't even survive 1.5 week of not seeing each other, those feelings are not real.

I'm also lucky in a sense that he's leaving the job for good so I won't be seeing him everyday soon.

What I can say is if there's no way to limit the exposure due to work, it's really hard to squash that feeling all of a sudden. But bottom line is, you just have to realize none of this is real and it will pass one day (perhaps go on leave or something). That though depends on whether your feelings are reciprocated. But I'm guessing if I can survive in my heavy flirting case, you can too. Give it some time!

You really thought you were "deeply in love" in this situation? Gimme a break. Are you very young? Have you ever had a real relationship?
Perhaps his wife got wind of your lunches, or caught him cheating with someone else entirely (married guys who "flirt like crazy" aren't saving it all for you - he probably had others).

^^What I'm saying is, I doubt it was just that your "relationship" couldn't survive 1.5 weeks away. Something happened, and thankfully he came to his senses.