NYC law partner w/ kids: "$850K gross is not enough to live on"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man . . . I walked away from thus thread for a few hours and look what happened. Anyway, my kid goes to HM, and neither DH nor I are tycoons. We know plenty of kids from his private K-8 who chose SHSAT schools (and Beacon and Laguardia) over private high schools. I have yet to hear of any who regretted that choice.

Horace Mann tuition is $64K a year. You don't have to be a tycoon but to live in NYC and sent your kid to HM, you are still a pretty successful person. Reddit OP has 3 kids. Paying $200K combined for school tuition annually isn't feasible, even for a $850K earner. She totally gets this, but she is sucked into her Big Law bubble where she is comparing herself to all the other partners who do send their kids to private. But they probably don't have 3 kids, maybe a partner who also makes good money, potentially rich parents, and maybe bought property sooner. I don't have any sympathy for her but she can complain.

Why isn't it feasible to pay for private for three? It certainly will take up a massive chunk of her after-tax income, but seem like she will still have plenty to live on.

Uh, assuming lets say a 40% tax rate all in, that's $510 left over. Minus $200 for tuition is $310. Rent will be $10K, owning maybe $15K, so let's say $12K or $144K a year. That leaves $166K or $14K a month. It's not a huge amount for living, retirement, and savings.

PP here - to be fair, of course you can live on $14K a month. But if you buy, or if you commit to private, you are handcuffing yourself to your job. Lots of other posters have alluded to this regarding a young person who isn't intentional about staying in NY and then end up in a similar situation. I have so many friends in NY who hate their fancy very well paying jobs, but then they have kids, they convince themselves they "deserve" a nice place to live, they end up with a $20K+ monthly outlay whether it is a mortgage, private, or both, and they don't save much, are still stuck in their jobs, and complain incessantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man . . . I walked away from thus thread for a few hours and look what happened. Anyway, my kid goes to HM, and neither DH nor I are tycoons. We know plenty of kids from his private K-8 who chose SHSAT schools (and Beacon and Laguardia) over private high schools. I have yet to hear of any who regretted that choice.

Horace Mann tuition is $64K a year. You don't have to be a tycoon but to live in NYC and sent your kid to HM, you are still a pretty successful person. Reddit OP has 3 kids. Paying $200K combined for school tuition annually isn't feasible, even for a $850K earner. She totally gets this, but she is sucked into her Big Law bubble where she is comparing herself to all the other partners who do send their kids to private. But they probably don't have 3 kids, maybe a partner who also makes good money, potentially rich parents, and maybe bought property sooner. I don't have any sympathy for her but she can complain.

Why isn't it feasible to pay for private for three? It certainly will take up a massive chunk of her after-tax income, but seem like she will still have plenty to live on.

Uh, assuming lets say a 40% tax rate all in, that's $510 left over. Minus $200 for tuition is $310. Rent will be $10K, owning maybe $15K, so let's say $12K or $144K a year. That leaves $166K or $14K a month. It's not a huge amount for living, retirement, and savings.

PP here - to be fair, of course you can live on $14K a month. But if you buy, or if you commit to private, you are handcuffing yourself to your job. Lots of other posters have alluded to this regarding a young person who isn't intentional about staying in NY and then end up in a similar situation. I have so many friends in NY who hate their fancy very well paying jobs, but then they have kids, they convince themselves they "deserve" a nice place to live, they end up with a $20K+ monthly outlay whether it is a mortgage, private, or both, and they don't save much, are still stuck in their jobs, and complain incessantly.

It’s horrible to be a big law partner. It (sometimes) is nice to be a big law attorney’s kid living the high life in the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man . . . I walked away from thus thread for a few hours and look what happened. Anyway, my kid goes to HM, and neither DH nor I are tycoons. We know plenty of kids from his private K-8 who chose SHSAT schools (and Beacon and Laguardia) over private high schools. I have yet to hear of any who regretted that choice.

Horace Mann tuition is $64K a year. You don't have to be a tycoon but to live in NYC and sent your kid to HM, you are still a pretty successful person. Reddit OP has 3 kids. Paying $200K combined for school tuition annually isn't feasible, even for a $850K earner. She totally gets this, but she is sucked into her Big Law bubble where she is comparing herself to all the other partners who do send their kids to private. But they probably don't have 3 kids, maybe a partner who also makes good money, potentially rich parents, and maybe bought property sooner. I don't have any sympathy for her but she can complain.

Why isn't it feasible to pay for private for three? It certainly will take up a massive chunk of her after-tax income, but seem like she will still have plenty to live on.

Uh, assuming lets say a 40% tax rate all in, that's $510 left over. Minus $200 for tuition is $310. Rent will be $10K, owning maybe $15K, so let's say $12K or $144K a year. That leaves $166K or $14K a month. It's not a huge amount for living, retirement, and savings.

Look at it like this -- yes 40% taxes so you are at 510. She gets a draw of 21 a month. so 510-252 leaves 258. Then take out 401k and profit sharing 23.5 and 70 plus the defined benefit plan at 50. That is 143.5 leaving 114.5. 401k is a choice -- at many firms profit sharing and defined benefit are not. From the 114.5 take out interest on the loan that funds capital. Probably 20. 96.5 is left. Then life insurance and disability which are often mandatory --- probably 7.5. That remaining 89 then has 40 coming out for health insurance so that leaves 49 that is often distributed 6 months to a year and a half after the end of the year. 49 is not going to pay 3 tuitions and neither is the 21 draw that just keeps your head above water. Also, a bad year and that 49 is 20. A great year and maybe it is 75.

No one should be crying. Great savings for retirement. Lots of insurance. Only way out is to make more money. Add to points or shares. She will likely go up as time goes on. 1.5 million would be a normal amount for a partner with a little work who is busy. These numbers then change a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man . . . I walked away from thus thread for a few hours and look what happened. Anyway, my kid goes to HM, and neither DH nor I are tycoons. We know plenty of kids from his private K-8 who chose SHSAT schools (and Beacon and Laguardia) over private high schools. I have yet to hear of any who regretted that choice.

Horace Mann tuition is $64K a year. You don't have to be a tycoon but to live in NYC and sent your kid to HM, you are still a pretty successful person. Reddit OP has 3 kids. Paying $200K combined for school tuition annually isn't feasible, even for a $850K earner. She totally gets this, but she is sucked into her Big Law bubble where she is comparing herself to all the other partners who do send their kids to private. But they probably don't have 3 kids, maybe a partner who also makes good money, potentially rich parents, and maybe bought property sooner. I don't have any sympathy for her but she can complain.

Why isn't it feasible to pay for private for three? It certainly will take up a massive chunk of her after-tax income, but seem like she will still have plenty to live on.

Uh, assuming lets say a 40% tax rate all in, that's $510 left over. Minus $200 for tuition is $310. Rent will be $10K, owning maybe $15K, so let's say $12K or $144K a year. That leaves $166K or $14K a month. It's not a huge amount for living, retirement, and savings.

Look at it like this -- yes 40% taxes so you are at 510. She gets a draw of 21 a month. so 510-252 leaves 258. Then take out 401k and profit sharing 23.5 and 70 plus the defined benefit plan at 50. That is 143.5 leaving 114.5. 401k is a choice -- at many firms profit sharing and defined benefit are not. From the 114.5 take out interest on the loan that funds capital. Probably 20. 96.5 is left. Then life insurance and disability which are often mandatory --- probably 7.5. That remaining 89 then has 40 coming out for health insurance so that leaves 49 that is often distributed 6 months to a year and a half after the end of the year. 49 is not going to pay 3 tuitions and neither is the 21 draw that just keeps your head above water. Also, a bad year and that 49 is 20. A great year and maybe it is 75.

No one should be crying. Great savings for retirement. Lots of insurance. Only way out is to make more money. Add to points or shares. She will likely go up as time goes on. 1.5 million would be a normal amount for a partner with a little work who is busy. These numbers then change a lot.

All of this. It’s crazy how much $850K can get whittled down in a place like NYC and in an industry like law or medical practice where you own the firm and thus need to pay everything for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man . . . I walked away from thus thread for a few hours and look what happened. Anyway, my kid goes to HM, and neither DH nor I are tycoons. We know plenty of kids from his private K-8 who chose SHSAT schools (and Beacon and Laguardia) over private high schools. I have yet to hear of any who regretted that choice.

Horace Mann tuition is $64K a year. You don't have to be a tycoon but to live in NYC and sent your kid to HM, you are still a pretty successful person. Reddit OP has 3 kids. Paying $200K combined for school tuition annually isn't feasible, even for a $850K earner. She totally gets this, but she is sucked into her Big Law bubble where she is comparing herself to all the other partners who do send their kids to private. But they probably don't have 3 kids, maybe a partner who also makes good money, potentially rich parents, and maybe bought property sooner. I don't have any sympathy for her but she can complain.

Why isn't it feasible to pay for private for three? It certainly will take up a massive chunk of her after-tax income, but seem like she will still have plenty to live on.

Uh, assuming lets say a 40% tax rate all in, that's $510 left over. Minus $200 for tuition is $310. Rent will be $10K, owning maybe $15K, so let's say $12K or $144K a year. That leaves $166K or $14K a month. It's not a huge amount for living, retirement, and savings.

Look at it like this -- yes 40% taxes so you are at 510. She gets a draw of 21 a month. so 510-252 leaves 258. Then take out 401k and profit sharing 23.5 and 70 plus the defined benefit plan at 50. That is 143.5 leaving 114.5. 401k is a choice -- at many firms profit sharing and defined benefit are not. From the 114.5 take out interest on the loan that funds capital. Probably 20. 96.5 is left. Then life insurance and disability which are often mandatory --- probably 7.5. That remaining 89 then has 40 coming out for health insurance so that leaves 49 that is often distributed 6 months to a year and a half after the end of the year. 49 is not going to pay 3 tuitions and neither is the 21 draw that just keeps your head above water. Also, a bad year and that 49 is 20. A great year and maybe it is 75.

No one should be crying. Great savings for retirement. Lots of insurance. Only way out is to make more money. Add to points or shares. She will likely go up as time goes on. 1.5 million would be a normal amount for a partner with a little work who is busy. These numbers then change a lot.

All of this. It’s crazy how much $850K can get whittled down in a place like NYC and in an industry like law or medical practice where you own the firm and thus need to pay everything for yourself.

Why is it “crazy”?

[Anonymous]

Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

I wonder… do people like OP also see the vast majority of New Yorkers who make FAR LESS than she does? The people who work their asses off to simply provide housing (“optimal” doesn’t even enter the picture) and food for their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

I wonder… do people like OP also see the vast majority of New Yorkers who make FAR LESS than she does? The people who work their asses off to simply provide housing (“optimal” doesn’t even enter the picture) and food for their families?

Eh rent control is ironclad in NY. If you play your cards right early then housing is taken care of. It won’t have amenities and it won’t be close to the quality of market rate but it’s safe and affordable.

The thing is, if you bag groceries or deliver door dash you can do that in Jackson MS or somewhere else cheap. Even the other cities offering big law mocked on here (Chicago, Philadelphia) when compared to NY are expensive by median American family standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

My brother had a $700/mo tent controlled apartment he got in 1990 in Chelsea and kept it for decades. His wife finally made him give it up when she was pregnant because it was only 1 bedroom. I think the landlord was probably tempted to put poison on his coffee….he lost so much money by my brother refusing to leave that apartment!

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

I wonder… do people like OP also see the vast majority of New Yorkers who make FAR LESS than she does? The people who work their asses off to simply provide housing (“optimal” doesn’t even enter the picture) and food for their families?

Eh rent control is ironclad in NY. If you play your cards right early then housing is taken care of. It won’t have amenities and it won’t be close to the quality of market rate but it’s safe and affordable.

The thing is, if you bag groceries or deliver door dash you can do that in Jackson MS or somewhere else cheap. Even the other cities offering big law mocked on here (Chicago, Philadelphia) when compared to NY are expensive by median American family standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

she’s still not poor. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her?

[Anonymous]

I thought biglaw partners made way more than $850k. More like $2m+.

What's going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tale of two cities - there’s a good argument for women opting out of this whole mess! She’s happy as a clam in her studio with her rescue dog. Be careful what you ask for when you make money and prestige the guiding principles of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/05/22/realestate/queens-jackson-heights-apartment-sale.html

Every person is different but most people are not looking for money and prestige. They are looking to do something meaningful to them. Often that means to be the best at what you do. Some people are not driven like that but many are. Money and prestige comes with being the best or one of the best it is not the goal.

Ok …. Well I think most law partners are in it for the money and some prestige. It’s just a sad human state that Reddit OP cannot be happy with what she has.

OP wouldn’t feel bad if she only had a HS degree, worked 20 hours a week, and somehow made 850k a year. She has made enormous sacrifices from a young age (delayed gratification) and there is a personal cost. When you live in NY you see far more successful people than you every day and it makes you question your decision to work 80 hours a week and not see your family or be able to provide optimal housing.

she’s still not poor. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her?

To an extent yes.