Help! How to deal with "mean moms?"

[Anonymous]

There is a crazy woman in our neighborhood that is lonely I think and very unhappy and has decided to make me the focus on her unhappiness. She keeps "warning" people about me and badmouthing me and it is affecting my daily life and parenting as every time. I tried to ask her about it and she denied it and pretended she didn't know what I was talking about. Help! Her friends are at the same school as my child's and are "icing me" and now it is very uncomfortable for me. What can I do?!

[Anonymous]

What is she saying about you? Is there any bit of truth to it? Why do people believe her?

[Anonymous]

Do you live in Chevy Chase, DC?

[Anonymous]

Do what you did when you had to deal with "mean kids" when you were a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what you did when you had to deal with "mean kids" when you were a kid.

What was that? I never had any problems with other kids when i was growing up.

I'm not the OP but I did come across an extremely mean mom when my DC went to preschool in Chevy Chase, DC (why I asked the OP). It was a horrible experience, similar to what the OP described. This mom could be a politician or open her own PR firm. I was always it paid to take the high road but I will never forget the experience of having this mom talk about me to all the other moms (who also talked to me about her). Weird, awful, lasting experience. I feel for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

If you are interested in keeping these friendships (which I personally wouldn't be):

Pick one of the moms who is "icing you" and invite her and her child to do something REALLY FUN. Then, make sure you spend the day together talking about anything in the world except the problem with this mean mom. If you make it costless for the icy moms to remain your friend - costless in that you don't force uncomfortable situations, they won't have reason not to remain friends with you.

[Anonymous]

Try some humor aimed at the ringleader in front of a lot of people including her friends. That'll show them how ridiculous she is and teach her not to be passive aggressive with you.

[Anonymous]

I am often the target of the mean moms at our school. I work and they don't so I am criticized royally. I have never cared what people like "mean moms" think of me. I have my own social circle and support group and just don't see them that much so it doesn't matter to me that much. Maybe look outside this circle for friendship?

[Anonymous]

Are you working or at home? If working, just ignore. Seriously, who has time for this anyway and who cares what the other moms think about you. If staying home and this is your only avenue for adult interaction, try to find something else to do. I have a friend who can not stand the neighborhood ninnies and drama. She takes the kids into DC to museums, joined a playgroup in another area, and signed up for non-neighborhood school volunteer positions when they went to preschool. They may be more convenient but if they are annoying you move on.

[Anonymous]

Just continue to be nice to others and this witch will play herself out. Others will start to realize that she is off base...

[Anonymous]

I know two women like that. I've been a victim of one of them, but by now just about everyone knows she's crazy.is newly mentally ill and, I think, her family has been seeking help. Not everyone knows about that so we're just giving her a wide berth for now.

[Anonymous]

Should have read "the other is newly mentally ill". The first one is just pathologically insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is she saying about you? Is there any bit of truth to it? Why do people believe her?

Just "warning" people about me - there is no truth to it. I am a nice mom just trying to make my way in this cutthroat city. I think my only "vice" is that I am too nice. Seriously. I think people get scared off by it b/c they perceive it as desperate or something.

[Anonymous]

If it was me I wouldn't care one bit whether someone was talking about me. Are these women your friends? Obviously not, so let people talk. They'll move onto something else soon enough.

I've learned in life that someone is ALWAYS going to dislike and/or talk about you. Don't let it bother you unless that person is someone you are close to.

We never truly leave middle school.

[Anonymous]

If this mom is honestly just making things up about you and has targeted you for no reason, then (1) she is too crazy for you to worry about and (2) I'm sure other people are smart enough to figure out that she is nuts and/or mean. Just ignore it. That's all you can do without engaging her and perpetuating the bad behavior. The only thing to do with people like this who create drama is just resist. Any involvement makes you complicit.