DH's New Hobby is Driving Me Crazy

[Anonymous]

DH recently started fishing. A lot. He's always liked to fish, but lately he's kicked it into overdrive. This weekend alone he went fishing Friday night, most of the day Saturday (gone from 5am to 4pm), and this morning he left at 7am came home briefly around 1, and then left again and said he would be home around 6. He also fishes some weekday afternoons as well. It's not the fishing that I have an issue with exactly, but the fact that it leaves me picking up the slack at home. I'm the one doing the majority of the household chores. If he did more at home, then I wouldn't care how he spends his free time. Even before the uptick in fishing, I already felt that I was contributing more to our household even though I work way wore hours than him. I tried to talk with him about it when he came home for a break today, but he just said that I was making him late and he had to go meet another buddy for more fishing.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Who the hell fishes at night?

What I would ask is, what is he running away from? You? Home? Kids? Himself? Are you welcome to go fishing with him? What would happen if you gave him a list and said "These are all the things that need to be done this weekend by Sunday evening. Which half of the 18 are you going to accomplish?" Do you two have kids - is he spending time with them?

I have hobbies too, but I don't let them take over my life.

[Anonymous]

People fish at night. But since there is a recent uptick in his fishing I'm wondering if he is having an affair or maybe gambling or ??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell fishes at night?

What I would ask is, what is he running away from? You? Home? Kids? Himself? Are you welcome to go fishing with him? What would happen if you gave him a list and said "These are all the things that need to be done this weekend by Sunday evening. Which half of the 18 are you going to accomplish?" Do you two have kids - is he spending time with them?

I have hobbies too, but I don't let them take over my life.

He often asks me to go fishing with him and sometime I indulge him, though not because I think fishing is at all enjoyable. For example, on Friday night/evening he fished while I sat on a park bench and read a book until it was too dark to see. He has two children that are with us 50% of the time. They have also gotten dragged along on fishing trips. Like last week he took them fishing on both Saturday and Sunday afternoon. I went went them on Sunday and it was miserable. Maybe the most miserable stepmom experience I've ever had. The kids are too young to fish on their own so they whine and complain most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH recently started fishing. A lot. He's always liked to fish, but lately he's kicked it into overdrive. This weekend alone he went fishing Friday night, most of the day Saturday (gone from 5am to 4pm), and this morning he left at 7am came home briefly around 1, and then left again and said he would be home around 6. He also fishes some weekday afternoons as well. It's not the fishing that I have an issue with exactly, but the fact that it leaves me picking up the slack at home. I'm the one doing the majority of the household chores. If he did more at home, then I wouldn't care how he spends his free time. Even before the uptick in fishing, I already felt that I was contributing more to our household even though I work way wore hours than him. I tried to talk with him about it when he came home for a break today, but he just said that I was making him late and he had to go meet another buddy for more fishing.

Any advice?

TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATE. NEGOTIATE. EXPRESS YOUR CONCERNS AND YOUR FEELINGS. MAKE A PLAN.

This isn't that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH recently started fishing. A lot. He's always liked to fish, but lately he's kicked it into overdrive. This weekend alone he went fishing Friday night, most of the day Saturday (gone from 5am to 4pm), and this morning he left at 7am came home briefly around 1, and then left again and said he would be home around 6. He also fishes some weekday afternoons as well. It's not the fishing that I have an issue with exactly, but the fact that it leaves me picking up the slack at home. I'm the one doing the majority of the household chores. If he did more at home, then I wouldn't care how he spends his free time. Even before the uptick in fishing, I already felt that I was contributing more to our household even though I work way wore hours than him. I tried to talk with him about it when he came home for a break today, but he just said that I was making him late and he had to go meet another buddy for more fishing.

Any advice?

TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATE. NEGOTIATE. EXPRESS YOUR CONCERNS AND YOUR FEELINGS. MAKE A PLAN.

This isn't that hard.

Well thank you for that sage advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH recently started fishing. A lot. He's always liked to fish, but lately he's kicked it into overdrive. This weekend alone he went fishing Friday night, most of the day Saturday (gone from 5am to 4pm), and this morning he left at 7am came home briefly around 1, and then left again and said he would be home around 6. He also fishes some weekday afternoons as well. It's not the fishing that I have an issue with exactly, but the fact that it leaves me picking up the slack at home. I'm the one doing the majority of the household chores. If he did more at home, then I wouldn't care how he spends his free time. Even before the uptick in fishing, I already felt that I was contributing more to our household even though I work way wore hours than him. I tried to talk with him about it when he came home for a break today, but he just said that I was making him late and he had to go meet another buddy for more fishing.

Any advice?

TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATE. NEGOTIATE. EXPRESS YOUR CONCERNS AND YOUR FEELINGS. MAKE A PLAN.

This isn't that hard.

Well thank you for that sage advice.

You're quite welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH recently started fishing. A lot. He's always liked to fish, but lately he's kicked it into overdrive. This weekend alone he went fishing Friday night, most of the day Saturday (gone from 5am to 4pm), and this morning he left at 7am came home briefly around 1, and then left again and said he would be home around 6. He also fishes some weekday afternoons as well. It's not the fishing that I have an issue with exactly, but the fact that it leaves me picking up the slack at home. I'm the one doing the majority of the household chores. If he did more at home, then I wouldn't care how he spends his free time. Even before the uptick in fishing, I already felt that I was contributing more to our household even though I work way wore hours than him. I tried to talk with him about it when he came home for a break today, but he just said that I was making him late and he had to go meet another buddy for more fishing.

Any advice?

LEAVE the chores for him to do. Why should you pick up the slack? He needs to take care of his kids not pawn them off on you. What a loser!

You need to communicate that you are NOT his maid, but his WIFE and if he doesn't start treating you like a wife, then you will leave him.

(Not saying you should ignore the kids, but it seems to me that HE is ignoring the kids and dumping them off on you. I could never respect a man who ignored his children or didn't take responsibility for them. Once respect is gone, eventually the marriage will suffer and end.)

[Anonymous]

seems fishy

[Anonymous]

Something smells fishy here......

[Anonymous]

Well, if he comes home smelling like fish, he has an excuse...

[Anonymous]

I know you didn't like PPs advice, but it's the only way. You need to sit down with him in a calm moment when the kids aren't around and let him know how you feel. I must say that you're not painting a very good picture of him. Is he a selfish person in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, if he comes home smelling like fish, he has an excuse...

Ha, good one!

[Anonymous]

He sounds depressed or stressed out. What else is going on in his life? How is this any different than sleeping all day or watching tv. He is checking out. Talk to him OP.

[Anonymous]

Hah, I love how the kids and the resultant mess are his alone and she is left holding the bag. This is a man who should have never gotten married but did so just to ensure a steady supply of... Well... You know...