s/o Equal Treatment of Grandchildren
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Anonymous
| My MIL has numerous pictures of my niece and nephew up in her house. She has exactly zero of my children anywhere in her house. I have sent her pictures but she never puts any up or out. I am married to her son whereas the niece and nephew belong to her daughter. I know that my DH and my MIL have a strained relationship (has been long before I came into the picture). My kids are young enough to not notice but it really hurts me. Anyone else have this issue? How should I handle it? TIA. |
Anonymous
| Say nothing. Get over it. This is not worth hurt feelings. |
Anonymous
| Does she treat you/your kids differently in other ways? |
Anonymous
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I have a newborn, so does a relative of mine. My MIL hasn't even met the baby yet and it has been several weeks. and MY mother spends more time with the relatives baby, putting up her picture as a profile, going there for holidays. This is my mother and MIL. It hurts me so I can relate somewhat.
I don't get people. Of course I told her how I felt but nothing has changed. Can't really help you here with why, but the how to handle -- I just ignore it. And try not to build jealousy or resentment. You can't control people. it is what it is. |
Anonymous
Yes. She will only visit if we pay for it. She will fly half way around the world to see her other grandchildren but can't seem to make it to see my children. As a result my kids (7 & 5), hardly see her. I have gone by myself with the kids to visit a couple of times. |
Anonymous
| Let it go. My in laws don't give a care in the world about my kids. It bothered me for a couple years, and I even tried to cover for them a time or two...but I'm done with it. When they choose to drop in and pretend like they care, the kids are uninterested. My parents are wonderful grandparents. My kids don't need the other set. |
Anonymous
OP here. Well that's great for you and your kids! But my kids have no other grandparents. She is it. Everyone else has died. |
Anonymous
+1 OP, its not you, its them. If they are really awful people, they will try to use you as the excuse. Don't let them phase you. My MIL sits around at bridge looking for excuses to disrespect me. Finally, when she brought photos in (of something she found fit to brag about), her friends actually told her I don't look so bad. In a "no wonder you don't like her, she's nothing like you" kind of way. FUNNY! My point is, my MIL is always trying to take away from my and DH's family because we are "the son's family" not "the daughters family". I call BS. It just tells me that MIL was a rotten mother, just like she is a rotten MIL and grandmother. MIL's ill behaviors speak for themselves, no matter how she tries to "say" that she treats us equally, or supports us, or whatever. Flash forward a few years, my DC know exactly what is going on, and they are forming their own opinions. Which was inevitable, if MIL had any brains. And I'm not going to wait for THAT to happen  Know it truly is not you.
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Anonymous
You can't make someone care about your kids, and the effort will eat you up inside. Your kids would be better off without this stress in your lives. |
Anonymous
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Next time you visit bring a wrapped framed picture of your children and after she opens it, say, i think it would look great .......here. And put it there. Then take the magnet picture of your children from your pocketbook and put it on her fridge right net to the nieces.
Plus get a group photo of all the grand children. Or a collection of all the grand children and put it on the mantle yourself. |
Anonymous
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OP, PP here. We posted at the same time. If you let MIL know it bothers you, she WILL do it more, if she is anything like my MIL. Instead, put her on the spot, in front of others - ONLY in the sweetest, kindest, most innocent manner. Example, at Christmas, in front of everyone, one of her gifts from your family could be a great pic of the children, framed.
In my MIL's family, whomever disrespected the children (when it was SIL's, anyway) was "the bad guy". So why wouldn't it hold true for your DC? Also, maybe you could have a professional pic done of all of the grandchildren together, or maybe one with the MIL included, have it framed, and pass it out to MIL and SIL's? It doesn't matter if you are her favorite, but she doesn't have to disrespect your innocent children. |
Anonymous
You can't force a relationship. I would cut out all contact. |
Anonymous
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I agree with PP about giving her a framed picture. Surely she'll set it on a bookshelf or something. I get along fine with my inlaws, but the only pictures they have of the grandkids are pictures that were given to them, already framed. No big deal.
As for visiting, maybe MIL just doesn't like hanging out with your husband (you said their relationship is strained), but enjoys time with her daughter. Maybe your husband doesn't make her feel welcome. |
Anonymous
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OP,
My grandmother was like this somewhat. My male cousins grew their hair very long. Their mother and father were fine with long hair. My grandparents were not. They did not display any pictures of grandsons with long hair. My aunt and uncle would send school pictures and they would go in a drawer. My aunt would send framed pictures and my grandmother's cleaning woman would set them up in the family photo display and my grandmother would take them down. |
Anonymous
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Meh. If MIL is a haggy cad, don't force it. |