s/o Equal Treatment of Grandchildren

[Anonymous]

I think before you start feeling sorry for yourself you areally have to see it where she's coming from. Strained relationship with her son/ your husband? Maybe not local? That'll do it.

I don't mind at all that my MIL is closer to the older grandchildren than to my children. I married into the family much later than the other spouses, and unlike them we are not local so there's a double reason for why she cannot bond as much (plus, she's getting old).
She actually took care of her first grandchild when he was born, for the first year of his life! Even now he's an adult, he is her favorite, and of course I understand that.

It doesn't mean Grandma doesn't love your children, or mine. Elderly folk only have that much energy to give, and it makes sense that the kids who get most bonding time through being born earlier or being local or without estranged parents, will be given pride of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she treat you/your kids differently in other ways?

Yes. She will only visit if we pay for it. She will fly half way around the world to see her other grandchildren but can't seem to make it to see my children. As a result my kids (7 & 5), hardly see her. I have gone by myself with the kids to visit a couple of times.

Is it possible that being so far away her culture does something different with th children of the daughter v the children of the son?Or that a son I suspposed to pay for his mother's expenses while a daughter may not be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has numerous pictures of my niece and nephew up in her house. She has exactly zero of my children anywhere in her house. I have sent her pictures but she never puts any up or out. I am married to her son whereas the niece and nephew belong to her daughter. I know that my DH and my MIL have a strained relationship (has been long before I came into the picture). My kids are young enough to not notice but it really hurts me. Anyone else have this issue? How should I handle it? TIA.

Maybe send her framed photos? That way they are ready to put up. Make sure you choose frames that go with her decor and taste. Does your SIL give her framed photos?

[Anonymous]

I like everyone's suggestions. In my case, my mom has tons of photos of my niece and nephew, none of my kids. I've sent her photos, even framed ones. She's always preferred my brother to me. And she and I have a difficult relationship. So, I have a woman from church who is like a mom to me, and an older neighbor (much older than my mom). I started inviting them to birthdays, holidays, sending grandmother cards from the kids on mother's day. Both now refer to my kids as their 'bonus grandkids". My kids get the grandmother love my mom can't/won't provide.

[Anonymous]

we have EXACTLY the same situation in our family. MIL prefers her daughters kids to our kids (her son's).

We limit our time with her for that reason. We don't ever do Christmas with them because of the disproportionate number of presents that is totally noticeable. She does display pictures of our kids, but mostly to show them off. She treats them differently, so we try to limit time that we spend with them as a group. But we try not to spend too Luckily, their grandparents on the other side (my parents) love them to pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that my DH and my MIL have a strained relationship (has been long before I came into the picture).

This may be key to the issue. Without knowing more about the dynamic between your DH and MIL, it's hard to say what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that my DH and my MIL have a strained relationship (has been long before I came into the picture).

This may be key to the issue. Without knowing more about the dynamic between your DH and MIL, it's hard to say what to do.

Depending on the cause of the strain, she may feel unwelcome to visit unless you extend extra effort. Having pictures of grandchild she feels she's barely allowed to have a relationship with may be painful, etc.

[Anonymous]

My nana was like this. She had 6 kids and she just hated my mother. Had pics up of all her grandkids but our family's. It hurt, but she was a sour old crank and we didn't miss much. We had a lovely neighbor lady who was like our grandma, and who loved us, so that counted. Maybe try to cultivate a grandmother figure near you?